belum sempurna?

masa bisa pantas berlalu.
tak mahu berhenti sejenak pon untuk aku yg masih lalai mengenang hari2 lalu yg takkan berubah seperti itu jua.
pantasnya masa pergi, membuatkan aku termenung dan terpinga2.
masih adakah ruang utk aku bangkit dan mengharungi lagi hari ini.

aku mahu perpegang erat dgn teguh.
tanpa ada rasa takut dan serabut.
pada sang tali maha Esa.
aku mahu terbang bebas tapi aku mahu berpijak di bumi yg nyata.

biarlah tanah gersang ini terus gersang atau aku perlu menolak rasa malas itu jauh-jauh ke hujung dunia dan mulai mengatur langkah menyuburkan tanah longlai ini tanpa jemu dan curiga.

seperti sungai mengalir, tak menongkah arus,
hidup ini sudah tercipta dgn sekian macam peraturan Tuhan yg sempurna dan perlu diikuti dgn sabar dan patuh.
patuh bukan bermakna menurut somberono tanpa ilmu.
menurutlah dgn akal yg berfikir dan berfikir.
jawapan itu ada di depan mata.
cuma menunggu kalbu mu diselak oleh sang Pencipta atau terselak dgn arah angin yg kau cari dgn penuh tekun dan tegar. mahukah menunggu dgn penuh rela, wahai hamba yg jarang sekali bersyukur dan berfikir?

kerap kali tangisan kecil mengalir dalam hati.. mengapa aku di sini dan tak berdaya merangkak pun. atau aku tahu aku bisa berlari tapi memilih utk membiarkan diriku lemas dgn sandiwara2 dunia tanpa noktah ini.

masa terus berdetik. waktu2 emas masih lagi dlm genggaman...

satu-persatu, sahabat.

seprti bayi belajar jalan, belajar bercakap.

sabar.
sabar.
sabar.

andai aku tahu..

the silent cry of a palestin jewel

let's see

let's see what have the world decided to laugh upon nowdays..

1) 'drama' realiti abby-norman..ya allah, jauhkanlah dari jadik kat saye dan sesiape sajer yg sy kenal. ameen.

2) obama won the presidential election. welcome to white hse but does dat really matter nway, who won.. wud it b a big difference sape2 pon yg jadik presiden? but im an optimist.. not that better but may not b worst than bush. wud it?

3) reproductive system finale soalan SAQ yg sgt 'best'..

4) pencil box lame aku zip dah tanggal, so beli baru. 12 hinggit. mahal gle.

5) MERCY programme. kat KOTA TINGGI. pergh. penat+ best+ takkan dilupekan, ok..

6) bilik saye telah di renowate kepade bilik semayang jemaah which i manage to tarik aliah smayang sesame di subuh yg hening. hee, jom buat lagik jom.. dari dapat singgit baek dapat 27 hinggit kan.. =)

7) haematology block rather than CNS block sbb Haji to be Prof Nasa akan berangakat menyahut lambaian Kaabah. Prof Nasa, kami doakan Prof slamat pergi dan slamat pulang. Ameen. Doakan kami hidup dan mati dalam Islam, dan juge semua product CUCMS x kire batch dapat grad. jadik manusia bejaye dunia akhirat n insyaallah doctor and pharmacist yg bergune pd agme bangse and negare... Ameen.

god gave me an angel..

aliah musa,thank u so much.. =) im more than grateful..

MORE THAN WORDS..

for the best things in life that aren't gonna come rolling for free

iv got a terrible cough.
a 2 weeks of reflective diary logbook not yet writen even one word pon.
a weekly exm juz finished which i survived dgn jayenyer despite of freezing cold Hall1 yg hanya ALLAH yg paham betape sejuknyer mcm kat iceland.
dis weekend is a damn busy weekend. jumaat aje lah time free, and next week dah 3rd week. i find reproductive, alright sumhow.. bile ishanie tanye, u nak jadik gynae ke nanti (which i tak paham knape dia tanye tapi mayb sbb i wus so into the pregnant woman thing tuh kot) so, it keeps me thinking, frm that moment im wif her in Prof Yong's class, wud i b a gynae? pergh. dgr frm org, mcm hell on earth jer. but im sumone wif instict. im seeing myself in a place that is calm but busy. in a messy place but under control. and im seeing myself as someone who needs to be more truthful to myself. especially when im not efficient and effective. i wish to be a doctor who saves lives. i can't afford to do a mistake. and yesterday, after so long, i think my ending hav become a beginning.. well, its kinda hard to describe wut happened actually but i juz hope that i'll keep on being the more improved me. im glad that finally i realize that life is not suppose to have control on us but we as the khalifah of ALLAH should be controling our life, our NOW time and not been too worried of the future.. insyaallah, im alright, im gonna be alright..

to have an aim is not enough..
u need to hit it..

mayb dats a part of me that hv been missing.. hitting an aim.. doing plans and work on it.. things dat r simple but i juz wanna complicate it without no reasons.. lame! ashu,lame.. ergh!

whatever it is, im glad im here. where i am now.
no matter gud or bad.
im gonna stay. and never gv up.
nothing is perfect,alrite. so wut? i'll move on! i'll move on..

hope

i knoe.. i may not knoe wut is best for me.. but i juz knew wut might be the best for me. i think sth wud be best for me.. depending on my experience, my paradigm, my guts, my instict, my confidence to Allah.. may wut i thot that is best for me is also the best from ALLAH as well..

tq

sy hanya nampak satu saje skarang..
kebahagiaan.
kdg2 otak serabut dgn banyaknya masalah, hutang keliling pinggang, org sekeliling tak mahu paham kita, kita tak dapat apa yg kita inginkan.. kita tak boleh nak sediakan yg terbaik utk family, anak2-adik bradik-keluarga-saudara mara buat hal dan datangkan byk masalah pulak, dan seribu satu mcm lagi perkara yg sy kira, kadang kala tak terjangkau dek akal sejengkal utk mentafsir dan memikirkan..
punyelah byk prob..

dan sy pula semcm mahu mengiyakan kata2 ibu, ORG KEJE NIE SLALU NYE ANAK DIA TERABAI SBB DIA BALIK KEJE, DAH PENAT, KENA BUAT KEJE UMAH LAGI, NAK BUAT ITU, BUAT INI, KEJAR DATELINE.. habes sy? DOCTOR TO BE.. lagi nak berangan buat surgery.. ape2 lah yg mencabar.. and im scared.. will i suffer and let my family suffer? will i cause my family to become tak terurus juz because im working and only TUHAN jer tau betape busynye keje aku..

and u knoe wut?
asal suka sgt bagi alasan..
anak tak terurus sbb...
hutang byk sbb...
assignment mcm nie hampeh sbb...
exam fail sbb...

mmg lah kena ade sbb musabab sth happend. but sum ppl juz hang on to those excuses and langsong tak cermin diri sendri.. kalo yg dah mirror2 on d wall pon, sekadar muhasabah jer.. apa u buat utk baiki keadaan tuh?

hidup nie perjuangan.. kalau kita tak perjuangkan matlamat hidup kita yg berteraskan ALLAH dan rasul sampai kiamatlah org lain pandang rendah kat kita and kita plak defend diri sendri dgn bagi alasan,alasan,alasan..

kakak nie pandai cakap jer, tapi cakap tak serupa bikin..

ingatkan lah aku,wey..

tapi bukan kita perlu tgk apa yg org tuh cakap ke.. bukan siapa yg bercakap..
heh~

allh hu alam..

saya dah tua!

maybe i need sum space so that i'll be able to be more sabar, more qonaah..

sgt perlu bersabar rite now..

sbb i dun get wat i want..well, at least i thought i want it..

xpe, cukuplah aku merasa cukup dgn apa yg ada padaku yg diberi ALLAH kerna dia lebih tahu apa yg terbaik..

p/s: happy birthday, ashu.. welcome to the 21 club! haha..

-rewind-forward-stop-play-

dearest sayer..
how r u today? penat? aha, g rumah encik khair ekh? open house maa. yeah, dah lame tak jumpe keluarga KDBM kn? =) kak ana maken lawar. lepas rindu kat kak ana lah, dapat jumpe dia. dia kan keje kat johor.. lawyers on move. seketika terdgr cerita kajol pasal abg boy yg dh jadik magistreet, geli hati jugak. baru tau yg denda 1000 maksima meand dats d maksimum of d fine, can be lower.. hehe. ade case org curik petai pon ader. pelik betol. and bile mc ckp, aunty tak berubah, mcm tuh jer dari dulu.. (yup, mecky adelah skoolmate kamu di tkc dulu) jadi, i wus wondering of thepast and d future. of wut may have changed me. of wut will i become. and wondering ape pakcik nak amek nanti..xpernah tau and tertanye plak dia nak amek ape.. he looks fine in anything.. (tidak, sayer tidak bias.. hanyer berpendapat begitu sahajer) oh well, penat sgt. tapi makan sedap lah kan. haha. kak mai best kan, dia masak. mee bandung. yum2. mase u nak blah kan kak mai cakap, ala, cepatnyer ashu nak blah dah, tak sempat nak borak2. yup2. sayer slalu terpacul di depan umah kak mai dulu2 dan menyinggah ke dalam, melayan si ismah gediks bersekolah tadika dan berbual2 dgn kak mai, perihal anak2nyer,terutamyer si hakim waktu zaman mentah di SAS,perihal sesak2 perkare2 uia, perihal assingment sayer yg berlambak dan kehidupan.. ow ya, sy juga slalu mengadu pasal lelaki2 tak guna yg singgah dlm hidup sy. kak ana dan kak mai lah yg slalu tadah telinge mendengar. dan sy sbb dh ade dlm umah encik khair, maka dgn bestnye dpat juge makan masakan kak mai dan kak ana dan juge dibawe berjalan2 ke seantero petaling jaya dan sebagainye.. ow ya, sy rindu berbual dgn hakim dan ina.. sebab dibesarkan dlm keluarge debat barangkali, kedua2nyer walau baru umur setaun jagung, kadang2 rase mcm cakap dgn org dewase jugak.. =) encik hakim syg, nanti makcik ashu datang SAS yer.. gudluck PMR! kamu boleh genggam sijil 8A insyaallah.. i'll be praying kyddo..

nie surat 2 hala kah?
entah~

tag by syapiqq

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog

Starting time : 3.50 pm
Name : Shashu
Sisters : xde
Brothers : Shahiran
Shoe size : 7
Height : entah
Where do you live : ampang

Have you ever
Been on a plane : Yes
Swam in the ocean : penah
Fallen asleep at school : hobi
Fell off your chair :jatohkan org penah lah
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : penah
Saved e-mails : of coz
What is your room like : tak terurus
What's right beside you : kertas dan kertas
What is the last thing you ate : air sahur

Ever had
Chicken pox : dah
Sore throat : penah
Stitches : tadika-ganas gile org tolak aku
Broken nose : Nope

Do you
Believe in love at first sight : tidak lagi
Like picnics: malas.. tapi suke

Who was/were the last person
You danced with : meng kot
Last made you smile : una

Today did you
Talk to someone you like : Yes
Kissed anyone : no
Get sick : sesema
Talk to an ex : mesej rayer
Miss someone : pkck
Who do you really hate: myself

Random
Is there a person who is on your mind now : no one
Do you like your hand-writing : kdg2
Are your toe nails painted : pehal
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : no one
What color shirt are you wearing now : dark blue baru beli hehe
Are you a friendly person : for u to judge lahh
Do you have any pets : ade !! ikan emas
Do you sleep with the TV on : nope
What are you doing right now : tules blog ler, post yg ke 200 ok.haha.
Can you handle the truth : insyaallah
Are you closer to your mother or father : Maks
Do you eat healthy : yes
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : deleted, tq. haha.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : ALLAH
Are you loud or quiet most of the time : TGK MOOD
Are you confident : tgk mood..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
- maen2, g tusyen, tgk TV, weyy mane ingt dowh..

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire (in my dreams!)
- tlg org, buat yayasan rubiah(name mak), buat hospital, g haji every year dgn mak abah, sanak saudare sume org lah aku angkut, g slimming spa.. ngeh2..

5 of my bad habits
- cepat marah2, cepAT benci org, cepat suke org, makanx ingt dunia, dan byk lagiey..

5 places I am living in
- ampang je ler..

5 people I tag
- malas..xpayah ler.ekh.

raya kembali..

raya kembali menggamit rinduku pada ramadan yg hilang..
mungkin bisa merasakan sedikit kekesalan tatkala penghulu segala bulan itu melambai pergi dan aku masih lagi alpa dan membiarkan ia pergi tanpa aku berlumba-lumba mencari malam 1000 bulan..
raya kembali menggamit memori indah.. dapat baju baru, kasut baru.. duit raya berkepuk2.. kuih raya, lemang ketupat rendang.. semua ada. mungkin yang tiada, adalah diriku yang jarang sekali dapat merasakn erti sebenar syawal..

dearest ashuu, syawal menjelma, ramadan berundur, berubah lah ke arah yg lebih diredhaiNya. Kita bisa hilang semua yg baru itu sekelip mata namun jauhkan ya tuhan, dari aku kehilanganMu. Kehilangan Allah dari ingatanku..jauhkanlah ya Allah. aku tak mahu!



happy raye, happy gathering sanak saudare, lupekan silap salah, ampunkan mane yg khilaf, jom pose 6!

funny..

its funny how hurt i am when u said sth dat i dun wanna hear..
its funny how i get upset if u dun pass my expectations..

its funny how u well u read my mind..

its funny how angry i am when u turn away..

its funny how careless i am when i wus not even given a 2nd chance in return..

its funny how silly i look when im happy..for no reasons..

its funny how i forgot how important it is to appreciate family..

its funny how stupid i was when i thought a guy can made me happy..

its funny when i told sumone else to spread their wings and dun hesitate. cuz im frozen inside. cold and unreachable..

its funny to listen to sumone else dearly. like he/she is the whole world to u and yet that sumone dosent knoe it..

its funny to carry all dis hopes wif u but the truth is, ur afraid that they'll be gone first thing in the morning..

its funny the way ppl que at ATM and pray that their money will sumhow be multiplied.. i wish i cn live without too much attachment to $$$.. dosent happines lies in ur heart dat is close to ALLAH?

its funny how gud i am to compare how irrelevant sumone cn b with their undefineable actions but sumhow, im complicated too..

dear ALLAH, i knoe im not the best (yet).
but still, pliz dun let me be the WORST.. ameen!

misi: khatam al quran..

status: juz 9 setengah..
misi: lagi 21 juz..

action plan: 200 mukasurat sehari
due: 28, 29, 30..

harapan: mcm xdeharapan je nie.. iksh2..

matahari dalam hati..

its funny how ppl look forward to see sumone else.. well, its not dat funny nway, but i'll still feels dat way. when ur heart juz can't focus and all u see is juz wat u wanna see.. sumtimes its so easy to look down on others. and as well as let ppl down.. i wont let u down sounds i'll let u down nowdays.. frm paklah to our besties.. and no, im not complaining prof.. im reflecting! =) and i juz purposely put it in a form of words yg menunjukkan yg saye ini xde lah mcm seakan2 terlibat same dgn adegan2 drama swasta yg menarek hati. heh~ but then, yeah, i think, iv been making ppl dissapointed..alwez~ iv look down on ppl as well.. and as much as its no gud, its gud in a way dat, when i realized dat its no gud, i turn to ALLAH and says, god, pliz dun let me be like dis.. sume org tak perfect.. y shud i expect they r when im myself not? im having ids trouble nowdays, d feeling of not moving on.. like my feets are glued on the ground and im heavily emotional inside dat i cn explode anytime i want. but then i quit being the negative me. y shud i b negative when there is still hope? when ders sumone dat can light the smile in ur heart? (provokasi gitu..haha.) tapi betol lah kan.. and allah is always der to let u see that this life has a power. and that power dosent necessary means MIGHTY. u cn be TINY and hv a lot of power.. like ur pituitary gland.. ow yeah its tiny, but amanah ALLAH bg kat dia, masyaallah, saya tak mampu nak ucap terima kasih yg mcm mana lagi pada si kecil berkuasa besar ini.. and all of a sudden, u find happiness in the small2 things in life. yg tak perlukan duit sgt pon.. like a smile, a laughter, a walk(to remember), free gifts, kad raye, a heart to heart conversation, a satisfaction of knowing ur doing the right thing.. anything~ as long as u open ur heart as wide as u cud.. mcm jendela. cahaya takkan masuk ke dalam jendela yg tak terbuka.. i believe in dat.. u cant reach to sumone else if u shut urself. as if its so hard to let ppl in and knoe the real u.. wuts to b afraid of? well, the truth is, everyone is afraid.. but if u keep holding on to the fear, when will happiness be knocking on ur door?



matahari dalam hati, keluarlah kamu menyinari duniaku dan insan-insan yg aku sayangi...

juz give me a minute

i cn change my mind u knoe...
im not rigid..
neither a robot.
im human! perfectly created by ALLAH.
im not complaining, ur fine d way u r too..
but cn i juz be left alone sumtimes..

dun bother me lah..
im fine. d way i c it, i juz need a push.
not downhill but against the odds..
if ur dat ignorant also, then fine..

i dun mind either..
i juz wanna b brave. untuk menghadapi suatu yg tak pasti.
and to be brave, shahirah..trust ALLAH. trust in His takdir..
kun fa ya kun..maka jadi, jadilah...

im fine. juz fine~

tolong?

tolong g jogging, tolong ckp pelan2-awak perempuan, tlg buat qiam-xsusah pon, tlg abes blaja:tak nak blaja terjun laut.., tolong senyum slalu walau hati saket-tak susah pon berlakon.. tolong susun kehidupanmu..walau jalan tak bisa dipilih tapi kalau tak ada peta bukan lg susah ke? i need a compass! and tlg shuddup pasal si pendek bleh tak? aku tau r ko bukan robot tapi bleh jer merobotkan diri kan.. ahh, x guna lah semua nie.. y wud u worry? he's fine.. sgt fine! and stop gelak2 mcm xde keje ya. and melembapkan diri.. hello! dh 2nd yr kot.. and kna hentam dgn m.o mcm xde harge diri ke? owh, teradvance.. so? aha, nk behadapan dgn si dungeon master bagaimn? semua bende lupa n tak tau? gila lah.. ko nie pehal nie.. apesal ko mcm nie. mun pon complaint tau. asal ko ske marah2? x leh terima elok2? mcm lah bgs sgt.. argh! x bgs langsong-langsong.. and those faces! well, i knoe. im d black sheep of d family and maks, im sori.. sy lupe. sy hebat.. semua org pon hebat. juz gv up and bodo tak tau lupe diri! haha. der,der.. chins up dowh. ur fine d way u r!

today...

today.. i juz knew u'l wear wat u wear..
today.. i tried not to see u as close as my heart wanted to.
today, i tried to hate u and as usual i forgot at the moment i saw u smile.
today, i assume ur looking at other ppl thou i wus sky hoping ur eyes r on me..
today, i brush u aside frm my deepest hollow. which was cool coz it means im moving on..
today, is a suddenly day. all of the sudden der is a irritating shhhhhh and the window comes down and there i go again.. dearest stereotype value of a one hand no sound.. wake up, big heart.. everything will b juz fine.... =)

papa@syapiqq

papa ku.. selamat hari jadi dan selamat lekas sembuh.. amin!

u say wut?

any doubts?

ergh! wut d? i hav absolutely no doubts ok.. i assume!!!! and dats a biggie difference between the two! sape pedulik either ur der or not or how close i am to u or how much i care? wus it alwez ok for u not to care at the first place pon wusn't it? hello... like im dead without u? im fine, without u.. absolutely. obviuosly!!!

ITS BEEN LONG...

SINCE I TALK TO PILOT.MENG.CHIP.ESOH.NANA.MC.KAJOL.UIA PPL.MIDAH.ZAZU.

SINCE IV BEEN BANNED.

SINCE I HAD AN ICE CREAM

SINCE I WENT TO COLLEGE.

SINCE I EAT KETUPAT.

SINCE I ATE AYM PERCIK.

SINCE I HAD A GREAT LAUGH

SINCE I WENT TO D MOVIES

SINCE I WATCH HOUSE

SINCE I WENT FOR UMRAH..

SINCE I BLK MY EX DRIVER'S KG

SINCE I CALL SUMONE..

SINCE I KNEW WAT I WANTED TO DO..

I LOST MYSELF OUT OF NO WHERE..

storm, go away

brain storm..

in dedication to the any survivors of a disaster make it cancers or heart brake or accidents.. allah always reminded us in a different ways.. live life to the fullest!

allah,ampunkan aku atas kurangnya kekuatan yg aku ada..

u knoe sth that i dun..

i dun wanna knoe y u choose the choice ur determine wif..
ur uncomfortable?
heh. u dun hv to tell me.. i cn tell dat. body lnguage speaks alrite~

rabu bla3

wutever!

dearest pkc

u knoe ur my favourite kan.. and still ur d cakap bende penting je type. which i hv dis love-hate perception of but then, i dun regret nemore, u knoe.. i dun hv dis, y,y, like dat so much dah like imune sudah dgn hoe halimunan u cn be sumhow.. heh. i miss those days lah. when i cn juz be volatile and scream ur name.. and those moments where u watch me eif me unknowing.. dat wus cool. well, at least for me.. sum ppl said, forget u and i said, yeah i shud but its easier said then done u knoe.. how cud i? d moment seeing u is like menang loteri, ok. haha. and when u smile, i felt like the whole world is smiling to me. jeez. yeah, exaggeration but the truth is the truth alrite.. and ur like my super big awesome brother tau. whom i really listen to. whom i hear not because u made me to but because i wanted to. and its alwez easy when ur around.. it alwez does.. i love making fun of u, tau.. heh. coz i felt like it. making faces at u is all neutral. and im so not afraid of those eyes ok! i adore dem.. haha. yeah, wutever. wutever,pkc. wutever~

no more

bye2 dearest. u cant tell the difference, i knoe.. but wuts importnt is d way u look urself. not wut they thot.. serius? naah. i juz wanted to believe that way.. u may hv ur own belives and opinions and u knoe wut, sumhow i dun care nemore.. it alwez been for other ppl.. i wanted to do dis for me! i wanna do it cuz i wanna do it and i dun wanna hesitate doin it juz because u find it weird! daa!!!!

puase already? how fast is dat... hurm. and final is coming.. allah, help!

puasa

curik food masa kecik then pretend puasa.
puasa setengan hari adalah pencapaian yg sgt besar.
bila 1st time peod and tak boleh puasa sgt best sbb tak payah puasa.
pg bazar ramadhan adalah trip yg maha wajib.
makan smpi buntal adalah routine favoutism.
smayang terawikh terpakse sbb sume org buat.
tido sepanjang hari.. gile betol.
waktu berbuka sgt best esp bck in tkc.. sgt best.


that wus then, now i look forward for a better me in a ramdhan yg mungkin entah sempat atau tidak aku dakap.. ya allah panjangkanlah umur kami semua dalam menerima hadiah ramadhan ini.. amin!

attack

ATTACK MODE..



MUTATED.




TRANSFORMED..

goiter

im not sure. where to start. i love history. i love math. but never biology act. its not easy. so i dun like it. so wats easy? i juz find it easy. talking is easy. english is fun. languages.. travelling is fun. but u must asked me y im here then. i did not decide it myself. i juz agreed to follow. i dun like complicated thngs but being complicated is much easier and fun than simple and lame.. so y trouble urself wif sth that does not drive u wild wif passion? im not troubling myself. i juz dun push myself. wif history, its der. u dun hv to read, u cn juz listen. my mum is suprb in history. i got A1 because she was der, to make it easy for me. she analyzed past Qs and check my work.. a sth dat no ordinary scholl teacher wud attend me to. math wus easy cuz sensei wus der. he help me by giving out jalan kerja yg maha senang and yes, he made thngs easier to understnd.. and now im here. wif no help n im not looking for help either.. jeez, u genius, now i see y i hate myself for hating dis exmfriday routine.. cuz i nvr find it to b easy... like d morning whee isha nana and beqs fight to knoe wuts positive wuts negtive.. i dun gv a damn.. its hard when everyone thinks its easy... and u dun~

wut dosnt kill u makes u stronger

dis week is killing me. nxt week final.. yeah right!

again

again.. not again!

WE.US.KAMI.

its not about being praised or right. its about thinking. its about another ppl's life. its about responsibility. its about helping each other in the quest of fi sabilillah. its about how u appreciate others and respect their opinion or consider it for a moment.. its about being urself. its about letting go ur hesitation. its about understanding not the problem but the solution.. its about having ideas and not keep it to the graveyard.. its about asking why and feel thrill of why ur asking it.. its not about the answer but wut trigger u to question.. its not about pushing other ppl to b the best but to support dem no matter low or high, its not about the time but how fast can u do it, its not about decision, its juz a matter of what choices u r with.. its not about new stuffs that u wear or wut nice food u had for lunch but its about being thankful that cn afford it where as millions of other ppl cn only dream of wut we hv.. its not about the complicated facts that we understand but grasping the simple principles till death u wont forget.. its bout caring. how true is nurturing the passion to care.. the college CUCMS motto. u need to care for urself. for ur parents. ur siblings. ur relatives. ur friends. children. society. cuz we will one day be sick. so does our loves ones. tell urself, its alwez not why are we stuck with our sickness, with our problems, but how we see the problem. see it in a positive manner. see it in a heart that bersangka baik pada ALLAH. it wud be hard to accept the truth. true. but it wud be easier if cn accept thngs the way it is and juz stop complaining why it happened to us. it dosent matter. life must go on! i want to live. i hv mny dreams. old ones fall, new ones arise.. im lacking of the sense of putting myself to the next level..

shashu dear, u hv wings! FLY!!

Michelle's simple yet beautiful speech at the Democratic National Convention

“The Barack Obama I know today is the same man I fell in love with 19 years ago,”

- i wonder who i wud b mentioning lah, 19 yrs later..2027, and im 40 y.o.. haha. allah, im scared. i hv mny flaws. im used to be help. im used to be pampered. im used to b silly. will der b sumone out der who wud feel he's falling for me like he did like '19 yrs ago' thng.. heh. wondering~ -


we listened to our hopes instead of our fears. How this time, we decided to stop doubting and to start dreaming.”

-fears haunted me recently. of wut othr ppl thot. of my desire of wanting to erase wut ppl thot of my action. the burden of me accusing myself of wut i thot and assume as my fault..but i shud juz stop doubting as well.. its never a crime in dreaming. and to make d dream come true, pliz for god sake shahirah, work very hard in pleasing ALLAH and urself. its been awhile uv not shown ur true potential. it need to be let out for more potentials to emerge.. huh?-

“Just don’t screw it up, buddy!''michelle wud hug obama and said dis when he looked nervous b4 giving speech..heh.

-dis one, its a hope. my hope.maybe one day i'l hear frm sumone dat i wanted to hear frm without being scared that he wud turn away whn i needed hm d most...-

is it because it is just it is or is it not?

he told me 3 thngs dat i'l remember til death.

1. not to repeat wut i thot wus wrong. 2. to influenced millios of others on gud rather than being influenced by one silly thing. 3. i control my life. either to live well or end it. i hv d power. not other ppl. not anyone else.

and wif that. i juz felt i cn go thru anythng. hw weird it is to agree on dis one particular person dat i so hate and yet fallen deeper more and more everyday. whch of course i'l try to deny. i closed the door. its no way he'l open nway but i still wont unlock it. in case he cares to search for the key. Allah, let him hv d key! plizz...

Samia Yusuf Omar

“I have my pride,” she said through a translator before leaving China. “This is the highest thing any athlete can hope for. It has been a very happy experience for me. I am proud to bring the Somali flag to fly with all of these countries, and to stand with the best athletes in the world.”

“Sports are not a priority for Somalia,” said Duran Farah, vice president of the Somali Olympic Committee. “There is no money for facilities or training. The war, the security, the difficulties with food and everything – there are just many other internal difficulties to deal with.”

That leaves athletes such as Samia and 18-year old Abdi without the normal comforts and structure enjoyed by almost every other athlete in the Olympic Games. They don’t receive consistent coaching, don’t compete in meets on a regular basis and struggle to find safety in something as simple as going out for a daily run.

As Samia came down the stretch in her 200-meter heat, she realized that the Somalian Olympic federation had chosen to place her in the wrong event. The 200 wasn’t nearly the best event for a middle distance runner. But the federation believed the dash would serve as a “good experience” for her. Now she was coming down the stretch alone, pumping her arms and tilting her head to the side with a look of despair.

Suddenly, the half-empty stadium realized there was still a runner on the track, still pushing to get across the finish line almost eight seconds behind the seven women who had already completed the race. In the last 50 meters, much of the stadium rose to its feet, flooding the track below with cheers of encouragement. A few competitors who had left Samia behind turned and watched it unfold.

As Samia crossed the line in 32.16 seconds, the crowd roared in applause. Bahamian runner Sheniqua Ferguson, the next smallest woman on the track at 5-foot-7 and 130 pounds, looked at the girl crossing the finish and thought to herself, “Wow, she’s tiny.”

“She must love running,” Ferguson said later.

Several days later, Samia waved off her Olympic moment as being inspirational. While she was still filled with joy over her chance to compete, and though she knew she had done all she could, part of her seemed embarrassed that the crowd had risen to its feet to help push her across the finish line.

“I was happy the people were cheering and encouraging me,” she said. “But I would have liked to be cheered because I won, not because I needed encouragement. It is something I will work on. I will try my best not to be the last person next time. It was very nice for people to give me that encouragement, but I would prefer the winning cheer.

She shrugged and smiled.

“I knew it was an uphill task.”

And there it was. While the Olympics are often promoted for the fastest and strongest and most agile champions, there is something to be said for the ones who finish out of the limelight. The ones who finish last and leave with their pride.

At their best, the Olympics still signify competition and purity, a love for sport. What represents that better than two athletes who carry their country’s flag into the Games despite their country’s inability to carry them before that moment? What better way to find the best of the Olympic spirit than by looking at those who endure so much that would break it?

“We know that we are different from the other athletes,” Samia said. “But we don’t want to show it. We try our best to look like all the rest. We understand we are not anywhere near the level of the other competitors here. We understand that very, very well. But more than anything else, we would like to show the dignity of ourselves and our country.”

She smiles when she says this, sitting a stone’s throw from a Somalian flag that she and her countryman Abdi brought to these Games. They came and went from Beijing largely unnoticed, but may have been the most dignified example these Olympics could offer.


=) hopes. where ever u are.. lives on!

quoted frm:http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/track_field/news?slug=cr-

mirror mirror on the wall

me to the mirror:


i guess its u and me for now..
juz u and me~

sape ckp?

jgn ckp mcm u knoe who i m, wut i thik, wut i feel..

who d hell lah..u thnk u r!

dun assume dat i did it bcoz...bla3.

i hate dat.

i really do!

guess

i guess dis is how it feels like to fall then stuble on sahara dessert like without anything but only urself. funny. i used not to b influenced. but dis time, i failed. the thot of me letting go is so scary dat i pretend not to know wuts going on. so i keep myself running. well, u wud laugh. shook ur head and say dat im silly but yeah. i am. silly. so silly dat i admitted. im sure its a little thng for u. but its very huge for me. i feel like not eating. not laughing. i feel like empty. i feel like the whole world is going against me. and for the thot that i gave up made me feel like im so so confused. yes, im confused. wut shud i do. pray to allah dat everone hav kelupaan ingatan of wut had happened. let everyone forget allah. juz let dem forget. pliz!

dah mati agaknyer

satu tarikh dlm kalender ini sy akan padam.padam dari ingatan yg sgt dalam.

shahirah. jgn ingt.tak payah.tak perlu. jgn jadi makino buat cookies untuk tsubasa hati batu.

tak perlu.

dlm movie boleh.

ini realiti.tak payah.xperlu.

ok? promise?

promise!

teringat

takdelah.
sy silap.sebenarnye.sume org pon..
dia bukan ali.tak.dia bukan.
ali bukan begitu.
walau sy bukan fatimah.
sy tau ali bukan begitu.
ali ada perasaan simpati juga.
ali akan ckp terima kasih.
ali takkan malu utk sebut terima kasih.
tak akan!

DLM PEMBAIKPULIHAN

proses peralihan ion-ion egoistic kesukaan kpd lupakan sahaja mode. bangun dari tdo yg pnjg sudah cukup payah dari menatap wajahmu yg samar dalam terang itu. ala, ada byk lagi masa. ingt aku takut ke? tak pernah. aku nmpk shj fragile tapi tidak lah. aku tak menyesal sikit pon.

paradox

tok ayah co-pilot..

wut makes u hpy may make me sad, n wut makes me overthrill may make u feel agitated.
oh well, its ok.. it dosent matter pon. yg penting, i understnd u.and u undrstnd y. kalo x phm pon buat2 phm je lah.jadilah rakyat msia yg berbudi bahasa. terima kasih~

99

2nd week num 1.
3rd week num 1.

im not der yet but im sure not gonna bck down nw..
not juz yet, allah..

i need antidepressant

cn i go now?

are we der yet??

broken promises

mekah-japan-straight As-deans list-aurat-boys over frens-kurus-humbility-work hard-greener earth-dakwah-debate-gossips-pretender-murai-jun matsumoto-zazu-barney-nyonya-senget pendengaran-tgnu-sbh,swk-anwar's son-askar seblah rumah-haji-thailand-olympic-kawen b4 30-kurus-amirul-photographer-suicide ambition-black baby kindergarden-frens forever-diet-wake up early-deans list-volunteer jawab Qs- being ashame of who i am-baby baby-no holding cuddling-liar,liar-who cares??

not again

yes,yes. i wus wrong, but so wut?

wus i stupid enuf to do it if i knew it wus wrong? and u thot i wus wrong. i wus a failure. but i dun thnk i am.
and i dun bother wut u thnk bout me. u dun even bother to help. so now y concern?

hellooo, i hv nothng against u lah, as usual, ur alwez right.. alwez. sokmo betol. fine! but wut irritated me d most wus that i wus not that eager either lah. i dun thnk so!

i wus playing wif time till sumone real enuf came along.. not that im telling ur fake but u are! u are anyway. takut bayang2 sendri. oh yes, acted over frenly like u knoe who we r afte several days together? helllooo.. 21 years lah babe. xde lah bodo sgt nak predict. fine, im big enuf to tell lah. and im so glad well, at least i knew that u knew wuts goin on.. and i wish u all de best.

ow yes, all the best!!!!

di sana sy adalah sy

di sini kita bermula
ok. come to a calmer region.

dis line caught me up.. thinking..

-di sini kita bermula-

iv been to a gud skool.d best.iv make my mum proud.my dad.my brother.i knoe he is. even he grumbles alot when mum alwez come and visit me every weekend.but i knoe he's proud of me. the whole family is. dey send me on my very first day. everyone..wif each hope.high hope.bright smile. but im too young to understand. and i let dem down sumhow.im sorry.i'll fix dat up.i promise.

i wus damn terrified.dat day.. so unfamiliar. i can't even go and shower myself. coz im afraid i guess. and mak hv to wait. oh yes, she teman me pg toilet. mandi.. get dress up. and then i wus like holding on to her like a glue, and mak? are u sure im gonna be here for five yrs? i dunno how to iron. i dunno how to wash my clothes. i dunno how to confront d pakcik kantin or watever.. and i'll miss tv. i juz can watch one when im f4.. and the seniors. dey'll like so unpredictable. and sports day. i cried not bcoz im homesick.but bcoz im tired.haha. and my books when im f1 are like a pile of hills. coz i believe out of sight is out of mind. i wus wrong.i dun apply dat nemore. and i dun mind at all, helping my dear grown up sisters wif watever dey ask me too. i luv to do it actually. i nvr had a sister nway. wat else? and der's ed. starter. grad nite. frenship day. d last one however.sigh..bowling trip. eic.archery. surau.naqibah. my wavy f4 honeymoon year. pmr studying late at nite and bcoz of dat, i hv to wear specs. i hate wearing specs.felt ugly. heh. my fault. was't amanah to my eyes. shud have a gud sleep back then n no tangguh in revising which is already my old habit die hard thing..

i wish dat i cud juz lay at d field. close my eyes and hear to d wind. to d leaves falling down. birds soaring up high. and hear to d mighty frongs mumbling scatterly. or play swimming pool after rain or scream to my lungs out wif cheersongs. or juz watch d band ppl or cadets practise.cool.smart. pride. all combine to one.f5.spm.. supper. nyum2. lounge. and all d ppl around me having super powers. myself, a treasurer. im bad in holdind money. worse than worst but ppl juz dun care i guess. dey knoe i'll b responsible if anythng happend.maybe, and i apologize to d batch after me, holding d treasurer post. i left 0sen in d account. sorry.deeply sorry.

oh yeah. chatting. we go wild on d net. meeting unknown ppl dat we admire frm far.. i met sumone too. which i tend to forget now. he's easy to replace but i wud remember him sumtimes when i saw his bear. or watever time dat reminds me of him.but of course,der's no feeling anymore.it's empty. it's gone. it's not like school days anymore. i can talk to him for hours. hundred bucks is like nothnig. it's expensive when im f5. d telephone bills. masyaallah. my mum wus damn worried wif me but i yell back at her.

mayb dat's one of d reason my spm is like one stupid result.ugly, horror and terrible hell. it's not as perfect as adaw or waba or anny or meng or pnut or whoever.. u guys rock. im proud to b ur frens.. and for d rest of d batch who got spm lebeh kurang i am, we'r not stupid. we juz dunno wat we hv done to ourself bck then.. maybe we r wrong. here n der.

but i dun hv a complete definition regarding failure.

it's ok. ini takdir yg sudah pun berlalu. takdir inilah juga yg membawa kita di sini.. bila meninggalkan tempat ini pun aku masih terase mesranya si lembut bayu menyambut aku di kala pertama kali aku menjejakkan kaki di bumi merbah ini.bumi agung. sang mentari tersenyum mempelawa aku untuk mencari erti hidup di sini. di akhirnya aku yg lalai ini yg telah manghancurkan aku sendiri. tapi aku tahu. ada hikmah di sebaliknya. di sini kita bermula. cuma aku hanya terkenang saat indah.suka duka kita yg bergelar kita. kita adalah kita. rindu sungguh nk kembali ke masa lalu.

rindu itu jugalah yg menggigit setiap inci tubuhku utuk menjadi lebih baik.lebih maju.

yg mendesak aku utk membuktikan yg aku bukanlah seorg yg pengalah.

kerna kita mmg yg terbaek. tiada persoalan di situ.

cuma bila dan di mana kita berjaya..itu persoalannya.

kejarlah impian. hidupkan mimpi. bukit merbah sudah jadi saksi. di sini kita bermula....

puase adalah merdekakn diri drp nafsu jahat

kan? =)

it ain't over till its over

uuuuuuuuu.. hell yes!

true?

Someone's unique magnetic charm is going to draw you in today, but make sure you're not drawn too far too fast! Charm is a mighty powerful substance, and it can distract you from important things that you need to take care of. Have your fun, but don't lose sight of your responsibilities, today. If you indulge too much in flirting or goofing around, you could lose something very valuable to you. So have a good time, but don't lose your focus on what really matters.

never knew horoscope can kebetulan betul.. =)

Sometimes....

Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down..

dis is so me.

allah, help!

menang sorak kampung tergadai

lihat ke dlm dasar hati..

aku rebah. lemah sungguh.

aku sombong. bodoh sombong..

tuhan. aku alpa. aku takbur.

aku pandai cakap. sedap dengar.

tapi kosong..

sy kosong sungguh dalam..

hilang.

ya allah, ampun.

api sudah makan diri.

tak ape. bertahan..

impian sy masih byk. sabar2..

wut d?

wut d?

iksh.

menyesal+terkilan

sgt sedih sbb sy tau tapi sy buat jugak

sy sedih

sgt sedih

tapi sy takkan benarkan hypothalamus secrete ACTH

sabar

sabar

listen to wut ur thinking

ur thinking can listen too

hello world, i wish all d gud thngs, i juz wanna wuts gud for me, make it gud or bad. der, well, said...

gudnite nobody~

dey knoe me

dey knoe me..

gunung hutan belantara itu kenal saya. siapa saya.

sy shahirah.

prof doc shahirah shuaib..

lantak lah kau nak marah..

kau tak kenal aku sape.

tak ape.. i dun need ur approval..

i dun need nemore.

bak kata u, tak payah, tak perlu!

ya, ya. tau lah...

tak perlu bgtau!

there...

i wish u love... in ur heart~

no matter wut happen...

i still carry dis burden.

xpe, it'l fade away.

dun worry=)

jalur tak gemilang

masalah. mana tempat yg tak ada masalah. nak or tak nak selesaikan jer. byk sgt tgn yg campur aduk pon susah juge. hurm. masalah yg timbul dalam mencari penyelesaian itu pon mcm susah juga ya. pening2. stress~ merdeka dari penjajah tapi mcm terjajah jer. cakap melayu pon tak nak. cakap english tak pandai tapi dok gigih jugak pulun. kaya pon hasil tindas org lain. x best betol.. kalo hasil usaha sendiri pulak, dah on the top, lupa diri pulak. sombong.. mcm lah semua yg allah bg pinjam nie kekal. nikmat merdeka. allah bagi pinjam je ok.. tak sedar kot. hantar kat palestin ke, kemboja ke, haa, baru tau seksa pemerintah kuku besi. baru tahu lah agaknye nak sujud syukur, im a malaysian. apa yg terjajah? apa yg menjajah? mungkin yg menjajah itu pon tak sedar yg dia menjajah. dan yg terjajah lagi terok. suka pula dijajah.. kalo yg dijajah itu jahil, ade lah juga maaf nye. tapi yg terjajah itu pandai. khatam quran 10 kali, mengaji universiti ternama, dean list, budi baik, tapi akhlak?

wah, mata jengil. kamu tuh? bagus sgt? akhlak bagus sgt ke? smayang cukup? bn qiam?

eh. kita pulak kena. kau tuh terase ke? aku buat reflection untuk sedarkan diri sendiri jugak! hampeh...

taken aback

TANGGAL 21 Ogos merupakan tarikh yang amat penting dalam lipatan sejarah umat Islam. Apa tidaknya, Pertubuhan Persidangan Islam atau lebih dikenali dengan OIC lahir kerana insiden 21 Ogos. Apakah yang berlaku sehingga persidangan ini tercetus?

Pada 21 Ogos 1969, seorang lelaki berbangsa Australia bernama Dennis Michael Rohan telah membakar Masjid Al- Aqsa. Api menyala besar dan membakar tembok serta mimbarnya yang besar (mimbar Solahuddin).

Api marak dengan dahsyat sekali seolah-olah seluruh Masjid Al-Aqsa akan musnah ketika itu. Sehinggakan pihak bomba juga tidak hadir menghulur bantuan. Tetapi Allah s.w.t telah menyelamatkan Masjid Al-Aqsa dan melindunginya. Akhirnya api dapat dipadamkan.
Setelah itu orang-orang Yahudi membuat pengadilan pura-pura terhadap Rohan. Lucunya, Rohan mendakwa bahawa dia diutuskan oleh Allah untuk melakukan pembakaran itu, bersesuaian dengan berita dari Kitab Zakaria.

Apa yang menyedihkan kemudiannya ialah Yahudi membebaskannya dengan mengatakan Rohan ‘gila’, dengan kata lain, tidak waras.

Maka, atas sebab itu, Rohan tidak dapat dipertanggungjawabkan atas kejadian tersebut. Bertitik-tolak insiden menghinakan itu, negara-negara Islam di seluruh dunia bangkit mempertahankan tempat suci mereka dan mengecam perbuatan keji terhadap Al-Aqsa.
Maka sejak itu, 21 Ogos tanpa gagal diangkat sebagai Hari Al-Quds sedunia. Ia disambut sebagai tanda memperingati tragedi pembakaran masjid Al-Aqsa.

Tragedi tersebut merupakan catatan sejarah yang paling menyedihkan dalam sejarah umat Islam. Masjid Al-Aqsa yang begitu suci itu dihina sedemikian rupa.
Tidak menghairankan apabila semua umat Islam seluruh dunia ‘terbakar’ hati dan perasaan mereka kerana tindakan Rohan, 38 tahun lalu. Begitulah nasib Tanah suci umat Islam yang ketiga setelah dihuni oleh rejim Zionis.

Perlu diingatkan, isu Masjid Al-Aqsa ini ada hubung kait dengan hal-hal Palestin. Maka selayaknya, isu Palestin ini merupakan isu yang dipertanggungjawabkan bagi sekalian umat Islam. Satunya kerana, kedudukan Masjid al-Aqsa sebagai Tanah Suci ketiga dalam Islam. Selebihnya ia merupakan kiblat pertama umat Islam selain menjadi bumi didiami para Nabi serta pusat pemerintahan dunia Islam seperti yang dirakamkan dalam hadis Rasulullah.
Bagi masyarakat bukan Islam, isu Palestin menggambarkan ketidakadilan dan kezaliman rejim terhadap bangsa Palestin yang perlu sama-sama dibela dan diperjuangkan.

Hari ini Palestin berada dalam tangan rejim Zionis yang telah merampasnya daripada tangan umat Islam.
Akibatnya, umat Palestin telah dihalau keluar, dizalimi, ditindas, dikambinghitamkan, dipenjarakan dan dibunuh. Nasib yang melanda umat Islam Palestin memerlukan pembelaan dari seluruh umat Islam.

Sebagai usaha pembelaan dan kepedulian, maka Hari Memperingati Al-Quds atau Remembrance of Al-Quds (ROQ) merupakan sebuah gagasan yang menjadi simbol solidariti umat Islam di Malaysia terhadap umat Palestin.

thanx mpt. u reminded of sth so valuable...

admitted

it took me quite some time to finally realize the whole situation is like.. i juz can't admit my weakness.. id rather ignore it and pretend not to knoe.. because i refuse to admit that im all negative and refuse to move forward and improved myself. i told myself everythng is fine whereas its so not true. i need so many thng to improve alright but i juz dun care. need to work harder, need to exercise but i dun feel like doing all those.. tahu apa yg nak dikejar tapi tak rase mcm nk mengejar! tak rasa. sy mati di dalam. mati..

there. i admit oledi. one pathethic ashu, coming right up....

14 hari

14 hari yg penuh suka duka. sy berperang dgn perasaan sendiri. aku manusia juga. jerit satu suara. terpekik kata hati, x apa. ada hari,hari kamu. ada hari, hari dia. tapi aku mcm sudah penat benar. sy penat. aku pon penat. sy tau awak penat tapi sabarlah. semua ini bukannya sia-sia. percaya lah..

hope

der is alwez hope..

kamu tuh suka sgt tenggelam sgt dgn masalah sendri. yg kdg2 bukan masalah pon. org laen, tido kelaparan, berbumbungkan bintang, bertemankan ketakutan.. kamu relax je. makan sedap. rumah ada, kaki ada, tangan ada, semua cukup.. melebar lagi ada.. itu pon mengeluh. takut gemuk. gemuk tak cantik. bukan mengeluh lambat belajar ulang kaji atau dosa berlambak. gugup bila fikir malu orang tahu sapa kamu. apa kamu kata. dan semua benda tak menarik yg tak menarik kalo org yg menarik tahu. ergh. tolong lah.. cukup sangat lah dgn wajah pura-pura dan hati yg plastik. hormon2 dlm badan sudah mungkin menyampah dgn kerja keras mereka yg sia-sia. sia-sia melayan kamu yg memanggil mereka kerna kamu stress bila zazu x beri respon? mcm mn dia nk bg respon? stimulus kamu bodoh sgt. ya, jgn marah lah. mmg bodoh, ok.. ya, kamu bodoh. tapi apa nak buat. benda dah jadi. kamu rasa tak dihargai? oh, x perlu.. buang jauh2 rasa yg tak perlu itu. buat2 lah selalu berdoa meminta pada tuhan, ya allah, berilah aku merasa cukup dgn apa yg aku ada.. sbb mmg dah cukup pon. apa yg tak cukup ialah usaha kamu. apa malas sgt nie? apa sense of curiosity kamu, nama mamat yg cute di seberang jalan sana sahaja kah? apa sense of tertanya2 kamu hanya tertumpu pada apa warna baju zazu pakai sahaja kah? arghh.. bosan lah. tau tak bosan tuh ape? kdg2 kan stress dgn kamu ini. ya, stress. stress yg bukan sikit. eh, jgn marah pulak dan bertanya kenapa. cuba tanya diri sendiri dulu.. kenapa!!!

kenapa?

entah lah awak. sy hilangkan lagi tujuan hidup yg sy gantung di dada langit. sy gelapkan lagi awan biru itu. lalu hujan turun dan kabus menyelubungi. sy pandang kanan dan kiri semuanya berlumba-lumba menggapai bintang dan saya masih dgn batang kail yg lusuh dan usang berpura2 memancing tapi laut sudah lama kontang.. topi berfikir yg saya beli di pasar sudah rosak. rosak sungguh sampai buntu saya. di mana jalan keluar? kenapa? kenapa saya membiarkan kamu memarahi saya.. tak ape. marah lah. sy rindu untk dimarah. sy rindu utk dibebel. sy rindu nak dgr suara-suara itu terjerit terpekik dgn gelagat sy yg barangkali tak berkenan di hati mereka. tolong lah. tolonglah pulas telinga saya dan seret saya ke meja yg tinggi itu. tak ape. sy rela. sy mahu diperlakukan begitu.. saya hendak kamu perhatikan sy. sy wujud lah. kenapa biarkan sahaja? sbb sy dh besar tak perlu disuruh2?
ya lah. sy dh besar. x usah peduli. ya, tak perlu. terima kasih!

66

kalo terbalik kan best.. =)amin..go 99! prof, u 100. i 99 ok? hee..=)

it dosent matter nemo

it dosent matter nemo
wut dey thot
wut dey said
cuz i cn nvr get everyone to understnd..
wuts going on.
im letting go of all sorts of possibilities dat might happened
i do not wnt to expect anything
cuz if i failed, it wud be d saddest day to tell myself dat dis is not wut i hav had expected of...

so, i hv no hopes..

i juz dream..
its juz a dream..
a very sweet dream....

tak confuse???

baek lah sy bermimpi drp tiada mimpi langsong..
untung sabut mimpi sy boleh jadi kenyataan.

optimis sgt kah?

tidak...

sy x berharap langsong.. =)
biarkn takdir jd penentu...

i tau...

i tau. u x boleh. u nak tapi u x boleh. u nak cuba tapi tak mampu. i tau. u ade byk impian. u can't afford to fail the 2nd time but mayb dis is d 1st time ade seorang manusia yg bernama perempuan berani ketuk pintu kan? i tau u takut nak bukak. i pon tak nak u bukak. tak perlu. bukan masanya pun lagi. ya salah aku. mungkin. so wut. dah aku suke ko aku suke aar. tak pernah berharap pon. tak perlu pon. arghh! watever!!!

tiba-tiba..

kata hati kata tak apa, aku tak sempurna
kata hati kata jangan lari. hadapi..
kata hati kata usah gentar. tuhan lebih tahu sapa aku.
kata hatimenyuruh aku bertahan walau tsunami tak mahu berhenti
kata hati usah menangis dan bersabar lah. moga pelangi akan muncul selepas hujan yang sedih.
kata hati jangan takut. pejam mata dan berserah lah.
kata hati, cemburu itu buang jauh. bersyukur shahirah.. apa yg kau peroleh sudah cukup. melebihi dari mencukupi..
kata hati tak perlu risau. dia masih di situ. melihat dia di situ sudah membahagiakan aku.
kata hati berlari perlu deras. berlari ke arah lautan ilmu, berlayar dan terus berlayar dan berdoa agar tidak karam dengan kononnya hebat dunia harta dan kekayaan.
kata hati biarlah mereka itu dengan apa yg mereka mahu lihat. tak perlu bersusah mahu menjadi seseorg yg mereka mahu lihat. shahirah, jadilah shahirah.. aku rindu kau yg sebenar, sebenarnya.. shahirah yg tersenyum dengan kepayahan dan yg tidak membiarkan kejahilan merayap dalam diri...

ku tak mungkin kalis rindu

i m wondering y d hell im tyyping haf sleepy haf exhausted sekembalinyer dari kelantan yg sgt simple and best tepat pukul 1.15 pagi. aku geleng2 otak konon tak percaya.. jarum pendek kat satu?? bukan 3?? haha. alhamdulilah.. selamat kembali. im glad that i went to follow fatima back to KB. her atok house and sgt grateful dipertemukan dgn org2 yg sgt baek, budi kamu semua sy kenang hingga akhir hayat. tq tok ayah, pak cik yaa, kak cik, taj , tok okk, mok cik2 nasik kerab,tok jakk,dan laen2 org kelate yg menyambut aku seperti aku ini sebahagian dari keluarga kamu. and obviously tq to tim juga.. tq sbb bawa sy jalan2 dan sudi menerima permintaan sy yg mahu mengikut kamu ke rumah atok kamu.. (tiba2 teringt zazu. dott u sure hv guts ok.. mane nk letak muka weyy.. arghhh. naseb muka tebal, haha..xpe2. bwat bodo jerr. mcm lah dia cayer kan? tolonglah jgn percayer walau ade jua kebenaran di situ.. ) nway, ape yg aku beli pon.. ala, budget pon xlah byk.. wawa kwn tim and zue siyap bawak 7OO tuh. gile byk. (nak juga. ngeh2) nway, papan tanda yg ada huruf2 jawi itu menggamit respect saya. billboard yg fara fauzana pki tudung pula mencuit hati(plastik gle. takot kat kerajaan klantan tak takot kat tuhan?) seniors sgt best, (walau akak netball itu ku mahu cabai mulutnyer) and i hv dis great idea sbb dlm bus mase on d way balik dey were so hyperactive, asking us bout basic stuffs like wut is diabetes mellitus and hw u diagnose it, list the stigmata of liver disease, wut is d difference of cushin syndrome and cushing disease, yadaa, yadaa, whch keeps me thinking, y not kita ajak seniors buat sharing is caring session? wahh. sure menareks. kenape xde senior g come bck and like tell us how pro exm is like? hoe postings r like? wut to expect? wut to keep forward to? =) sure best kan dgr pengalaman org. hee.


dah lah, nak touch up PBL.. hello tomorrow. aku dh g kelantan ok! next time nak g pantai!!=) and terlajak ke thailand, tok jakk u promise me ok.. and taj! selmat menunaikan umrah.. kamu sgt baek, bertuah dak timah dpt kwn sebaeks kamu..

KELANTAN =)

suka.. =)

ini first time sy jejak kaki di kelantan..

ini 2nd time sy tgk sunat live..

ini 1st time sy tgk org gune smart clamp=)

ini 1st time sy jerit hulur kepala ke luar.. ABE!! JALAN G WAKAF CHE YAH MANA??

ini juga one of those times sy join medical check up n rase nak tercabot kaki shj..

ini first time sy amek gambar flying lompat pose bersame kim, shaz, pinky, dan zubeq..@abeqq..

ini first time sy beli keropok mentah borong 15 hinggit..

ini first time juge (kot) sy pki pumps yg flat ke mn jua sy pegi..saket gle kaki.argghh.hanye tuhan yg tau.

sy juge blaja beberape pekataan kelantan seprti gegey, deras dan sebagainyer..

sy juga agak menyampah dgn 'org netball' itu.. mengapakah mulut kamu mcm bola2 api..ergh!

sy sgt penat.. tapi sy indeed blaja byk benda..

dan oh ya.. sy rindu zazu..=)
haha. gilakan org yg muka baek tapi sarcastic di mulut itu..

no assumption no accusation

boleh?

new head, new body, old tail

dearest sayer.how wus d first day of 2nd year? i hope ur doing fine. even u cud be ngantok gile hell dlm clas prof hamdan and plus mayb agak mcm tak sentoh haram pon module dia, despite buat sctl lambat gile and mcq pon dh agak dah anta esok, but then, u shud be more time management thng nie kna jage tau.. mcm mn nk lawan zazu nie. nyampah tol tgk dia. "nyampah' lah. walau dia mmg chomel. haha. si gemok. u dun look gud lah in dat color. nway, i bought buku rm98 harinie.. hehe. naseb leh bank in kan duit..tapi aku lak risau. mungkin kah ade manusia yg bisa meloloskan diri dgn menghalimunankan diri? hurm.. biarlah.. ishani is secare rasminye in our group.. M16! GAMBATTE! =) der were so many expectations as usual.. and ade 3 org dak 3rd year yg kna repeat the whole year. god! xnak ok! jauhkan lah ya allah. aku tak sekuat itu utk mengharungi mata-mata yg memandang dan mulut-mulut yg bertanya serta wajah2 rakan yg sudah ke hospital utk clinical akan menghantui.. tak sanggup.. and guess wut? aneesa yg aku lame gle nak carik tuh is here! my god. she looked like ummu ok.. i thot she had connections with ummu but it turned out to be that she wus the gurl back in sri inai and the most terharu part, she remembered my name! god! ya allah, keciknye dunia nie.. we were so closed bck then, i rmmbr we had fights, play ting2, exchanged kad raye and all.. im so terharu ok.. rase mcm im the luckiest fren on earth! =)
today pon zaizul and zue step down as heads. ganti dgn nizam and wafa.. i hv doubts lah. cn we listen to dem? dis is not maen2 tau. the leaders will b d one who help us realize where we r going ahead.. but then i tell myself, nizam & wafa, prove me wrong! pliz prove me wrong!!

oho, i had hypoglycemia.. puase dgn perut sgt kosong. mcm nak pitam bile prof yong buat class skill blaja hape ntah. whch wus kind of like a wake up call lah jugaks.. tq prof. u guys are all so hebat. arigato! =)

shahirah, teruskan perjuangan! hari ini adalah hari yg terbaek. hari2 ku adalah complete. enough. rasa cukup bila kamu di sisi. rasa bahagia. (semua lah. bukan dia jer. haha~) bweks, go2 cayo'!!

orientation is ending

group 1- faci-shashu- org aku plg ingt dlm grup-pulas, razif, fatin,aliya(s),farhana, who else?

survival treasure hunt sort of game=winner=GROUP 1!!! =)

i learnt a lot frm dem=)

dey teach me the spirit of going on no matter wat happens and gv me hopes dat the coming generation will still hv d sense of respect to the elders and dey teach me to be myself=) i hv no hesitation when im wif u guys=)

bayang2

u nie mcm bayang2 laa. ergh.

u nie, asal adorable sgt.. ergh.

suara u mcm magic tau. bagus betol..

erk. zazu sgt chomel harinie. sy ingt smpi bila2. budak2 ke budak?

yeah. sy jer yg berani kecam awk halimunan!!

I WUS

I wus alwez proud of u..will alwez be.. cuz i knoe who u r. and wut u did.. dey dun knoe u. dats y dey said ur useles.. i wud be der for u. even when d times were impossible but believe me, ur the most adorable person i ever knew.. cuz i alwez looked forward on wut u'll say and wut u may thnk of sth.. i really love it when u hate sth. cuz dat is when i cn laugh loudly, juz because ur not that angry often. not even when i called u when ur sleepy. or when i wanna c ur face when ur already asleep. cuz i knoe u love sleeping.. and it really made me happy when u came down wif ur chomot face and smiled. wif that purple baju. and i really love u when u said wuts true. sum ppl dun find it comfortable to tell me wuts wrong wif me, but u knoe i wont get hurt. u knoe i'l only get hurt if u did not tell me d truth.. baadilla, i felt like it wus thousand of years since i last saw u. thou i may thot u said bad thngs boout me, but sumhow i dun woory bout dat, dat much. i worry if i nvr see u again. i worry if i nvr cn smile to u again. i worry if i cn nvr hear ur voice again. damn im worried. i do!

actually

darling, act it wus fun.. when thng did not happend like it wus suppose to.. =)

arigato

arigato jama
arigato nuhe'
arigato anny
arigato chip
arigato li-yen
arigato bro
arigato abeqq
arigato mpt
arigato meng
arigato fahima
arigato mak
arigato weng king
arigato zalikha
arigato zazu
arigato doc hamidah
arigato prof asmadi
arigato prof zauyah
arigato er-er
arigato hamiedah
arigato bhavani
arigato parvin
arigato nana
arigato nene
arigato nana fauzi
arigato paeja
arigato shapuff
arigato joshy
arigato mc
arigato esoh
arigato noen
arigato maisara
arigato shipeqq
arigato purra
arigato blue benchers
arigato juniors
arigato puan suhaila
arigato ustaz najmi
arigato mun-mun
arigato aroyy
arigato cgp
arigato sumay
arigato aneem
arigato aisya
arigato kak siti fazlina
arigato kak hanijoe
arigato kak adleen
arigato fatin
arigato aiman
arigato aimann
arigato iman
arigato chief
arigato elly nyonya
arigato ellybun
arigato raidah
arigato piko
arigato anas abdillah
arigato maksu
arigato rashid
arigato puan zuraidah
arigato pn noraini
arigato khairiah
arigato cheam ai ching
arigato may lee
arigato shahrin mohd noh
arigato jenin
arigato ejanne
arigato apheps
arigato ezzy
arigato exact
arigato zacho
arigto skinh
arigato izyan
arigato apheps
arigato dek ma


many more. arigato!

although

altho i may not like wut happened.. and it hurts me but im happy..
it may not turned out to be wut i wanted of, but im happy..
it my not be mt best effort, but the moment u believe in me, im happy.
i may be the worst fren in d world, but u nvr gv up on me, im happy.
i failed to tunaikan my promise and azam.. but u forgv me, im happy..
u said i wus fat and u said, ur sori, im happy..
u said, u'l take me to the moon and altho i knoe u won't but hearing u said u will, sumhow im happy..
i thot of giving up but u said u'l support me, im happy..
i had no money and u lend me without much fuss, im happy..
i forget wut day is today, and u want to jaga my hati, u said u dunno and pretend to look at the newspaper, im happy..
u wish my birthday..im happy.
u tell me to be happy, im happy.
u said ur on d way to class.. im happy.
u did the right thing, im happy.
u smile, im happy..

im happy. i do!

i wish

i wish i had her figures..
i wish my english wus like hers.
i wish i wus a better scorer.
i wish i smiled at him.
i wish i wus slimmer.
i wish i wus super rajen.
i wish i nvr tinggal solat.
i wish i had bought that shoe.
i wish i didn't bought that hat.
i wish i got 10A1.
i wish i passed my license earlier.
i wish i knew him earlier.
i wish i did not came across his path.
i wish i help her go thru her sadness.
i wish i kept my big fat mouth.
i wish i knew earlier.
i wish i did well in xms that i dun hv to go for short sem.
i wish i had no shrt sems.
i wish i had a ballet class.
i wish my name wus sumbody else.
i wish to be a fav person dat everybody loves.
i wish to be his only one.
i wish to b her best fren.
i wish i had a best fren.
i wish she heard wut i said.
i wish she fogot wut i yell out.
i wish dat tomorrow is better than today.
i wish i only cry for my sins.
i wish i'l b patient more enuf.
i wish im a patient person.
i wish i had more clothes.
i wish i had make up like a pro.
i wish i had a real kampung.
i wish to hear grandpa's stories..
i wish to rasa makanan nenek lagi..
i wish that atok will get well soon.
i wish i can be the very ever helpful sister.
i wish i wus stylish.


i hate u for these.
wuts wrong in being u?
wuts wrong in having wut u hv now??

ergh. shut up lah u.
grow up!!

ada ke?

bring me flowers! =)

ada ke ekh org mcm tuh? dia peluk kita, kita rasa selamat.
ada ke, org yg tak penat dgn aku? ada ke, org yg senyum bila kita ckp yg bukan2 sambil menangis? dia senyum dan ckp, its ok.. u alwez looked strong.. its time to let go.. ada ke, org yg tak marah bila aku marah? ada ke org yg sabar sgt mcm tuh? ada ke org yg tunngu aku semalaman dan risau nk mampos kalo aku lmbt blk? ada ke org yg faham ape yg ada dlm otak aku nie tanpa perlu aku bukak mulut? ada ke org yg suka tgk aku walau mata sembab dan byk songeh? ada ke org yg lagi hebat perhatiannya?

bila org tanye aku pasal hero dlm ayat2 cinta.masih ada ke laki sebegitu, aku jwb, ada. yakin sekali. kita shj yg belum jumpa..

tapi sebenarnya aku pun tak tau. yakin aku hilang entah mana.

mungkin ada untuk org lain. untuk kamu. untuk dia..

tapi aku??
aku selau rasa tak layak..

ada ke pon untuk aku?

ya allah.. aku nak jugak..

jun sgt smart dlm kimi wa petto

sgt smart,ok! =) arigato.. its been long since i had a horror laugh.. hehe;)

im hAppy

im happy.. for no reasons.. =) tq allah.. arigato..

me?

 

=) haha. i looked adorable bck then..;)

ahmed syafeeq abd latib

promise me u'll take me on board on ur first flight as a co-pilot, huh?

standing one leg out one leg in

dunia ini barang kali sudah tua benar. dan orang-orang dalamnya juga berbagai ragam hingga membuatkan dunia jelik dan rasa terhina. mungkin dunia rasa dilupakan. rasa tidak dihargai. rasa tidak berharga, tidak disayangi.. dunia barangkali benci untuk menatap langit dan meminta simpati pada tangan-tangan yg rakus menggali nafsu mereka dan kelurga mereka. sudah sangat letih untuk mengesat air mata yg jatuh berjujuran lantas si sombong memijak-mijak tanpa belas.tanpa ehsan. tidak lah si dunia mahu semuanya syaitan jadi malaikat. dia hanya mahu syaitan tidak lupa yg dunia ini bukan untuk dia sorang sahaja. cucu cicit mahukan pengadilan jua. tapi mungkin syaitan tetap syaitan yg berhati batu. mungkin dikelabui dgn wang dan pangkat. dunia kadang kala menahan sebak akan kenangan lalu di mana semuanya indah dan penuh bahagia. dulu katanya sangat permai. dulu katanya dia sehat dan bertenaga, namun masa seolah-olah berlau begitu pantas sekali. dulu itu sudah tiada lagi lalu digantikan dengan raksasa-raksasa megah yg mahu lihat poket mereka penuh dgn wang emas berlian. habis sakit2 dunia meraung kesakitan. tidak lah juga dia merasakan dia mahu mati lagi kerna yg RAB tidak lagi seperti mahu dia musnah namun untuk sekian kalinya dia berdoa agar ditamatkan sahaja umurnya yg tua dimamah dendam agar tamat sahaja penyeksaan jiwa dan raganya..

hey syaitan.. aku mampu bersabar lagi namun kau jgn menyesal andai apa kau bina runtuh dan apa kau mahu hilang dari pandangan. sedarlah.. sedarlah segera sebelum terlambat..

i thot so..

i thot that i'l change. mayb iv changed. i did. i did change my mind. im not head over heels over zazu nemore.. iv settled my feeling wif cgp. i find that anas is becoming more matured. iv forgv myself. i let go of pilot. im much more on earth now. i'l not let myself float anymore... shashu,stay on d ground.. stay!

GOO GIRL?

GOO GIRL.. i wud tell dat to myself when my aunt or my mum told me (when i wus still in diapers) that i am 'pandai!' juz by doing wut dey wanted me to do, or doing stuffs that were unexpected like shaving my heads with abah's razor blade on my birthday. well, i still had d pic. of my head wrap with pembalut kaen and sumhw i smiled cheerfully in dat pic. obviously i dun remembered who i wus bck then, tho i do remember that i wus naughty cuz i remembered bashing my aunt(my last aunt) who was juz 5 yr beza than i am.. so she wus close to me when i wus small, and i did hd revolution of her names.. frm nel, konel, mak nel, munil and now, mun-mun. hehe. peace. she's like my most favourite person on earth and i really look up to her(sgt adore dia. heh) nway, i remember bashing her cuz she wus weak? haha. i pull her hair so hard dat she cried immediately. she still remember that incident when i told her recently. haha. i also did watch my mum kill a green multi color snake. and i love to wore skirts. colours. i love to scream happily, yeye, abah dah balik when my father arrived frm work. i love cycling. i love to watch p ramlee's. i love to watch tom & jerry. i am crazy of dis japanese series whch i fogot the title(of course) heh. i love to hang out wif pak lang. i love to wait for mamak jual roti pon-pon when balik frm tadika, i love to watch fishes die cuz i poked dem hard(mcm cerita nemo lah pulak.haha) i luv crayons but i hate coloring(find it complicated=)) i luv my mum. i love my dad esp when he bought me barbie dolls and books. i love gaduh dgn my only bro. we got into a fight almost in anything. i love that marron sofa that we gave to pak lang when we moved out frm keramat. (or is it pak long?) ntah.
i remember my tadika lover- his face, yes but not his name. heh.oh yes, i hv bf ok. haha. he'l protect me frm the bullies and defend me against ppl who thot it wus uncool to cry homesick in the toilet(oh yes. im so homesick, wut do u expect? i luv being home. haha) and i love travelling. its like, telling my home, dun miss me,ok? i'll miss u!=) hehe. i luv talking. oh i'l talk untill dat person gets bored of my cute face. haha.






so much of the past..3rd august.. hurm. 3 days to go to be back to cucms. im gonna hv a training of a new concept of orientation.. training for trainees? hee. wutever! layan jer~ =) then, orientation 1st year 4th batch then NEW SEM, WEY, AKU DAH 2ND YEAR LAA.. hehe. gambatte, shashu! (zazu! takot lah.. bear wif me, k? daaa)

TAK APE

xpe lor. xleh jumpe nadey lagi. sigh. maybe leh sneak out g mmu kot. hurm. ntah. ingt nk jumpe kat dataran pahlawan.. im going to melake jap lagi.. nak tgk movies.. hee. and beli tunggu teduh dulu. kind of nostalgic sbb faisal teharani asal dari melaka. hehe. currently, im head over heels dengan arashi boyband frm japan. cool gile smpi first thng on my head whn i woke up(apart alhmdulilh aku idop lg) is ARASHI song like one love. haha. best dowh. and sgt obvious gell hell ler aku minat jun matsumoto. hee;) babah is having a meeting in melake so i guess im juz tagging along. sumtimes i wonder y on earth dia nk sgt aku jd doctor. y dun u ask venture to business jer. hurm. but adik ckp, medic pon business gak. bukak hospital, bukak clinic. heh. yeah, una. ade benar juge di situ..

illogical

i hv my own expectations jugak.. thou it hurts cuz u acted the other wy round esp whn u go do ur unexpected halimunaning but i still luv u lah zazu. still!

bile i nak beli tunggu teduh dulu niey. iksh!

sabar ye, im ging lah nie!=)

dearest F4

dearest f4, domoji, shijiroh, akira and rui..
=)
the thot of mentioning ur nmaes one by one and imagining wut u guys do now bring warm feeling to my heart..
domoji, hows makino? cungratz for the grand marriage proposal. u guys hv hd gone thru a lot, rite?=) really admire ur confidence.. makino hv changed u inside, tremendously and i hope ,u changing to a better person will remain and nvr forget that being happy means seeing ur luv ones happy and im really-really glad that sumhow along the way, u undrstnd dis.. ur not that selfish sel-centered heartless domoji that i and the others thot u are nemore but at d same time i do hope u will go to an anger managmnt class or sth.. u look so ugly when u get mad.. hehe..
i wish u n makino all the happiness in d world!=)

shijiroh.. i call u d brilliant among dem all. u alwez knoe wut to do and wut to say. remember whn u helped yuki wif that stupid bf of hers? yeah. dat wus so cool of u. ow yeah, how wus the tea ceremony thingy? dun u wanna do one and invite that 'sweetheart' of urs? i dun thnk that when she told u she'l get married, she means it. even she will gt married-than u shud at least bf the wedding day, go tell her wut u feel-that ur wrong-that ur soori that u didn't made oi to the building that she told u to go like 6 am in d morning? heh. one pelik gurl, isn't it? but i like her smile.. =) she's ur first love, rite? go on, shijiroh.. dun b afraid. ur d one wif less doubts in f4.. i knoe u shud go for it.. and bout yuki, for god sake, do let her ride on ur bike..she's done a lot for u and u shud appreciate it=)
and i wish that u keep that warm smiles of urs.. dun play playboy around so much huh. ;) tc!

akira.. the middleman! =) i salute wif ur bravery in finding peace in f4. u shud joined makino studying law cuz u'l do juz fine in becoming a lawyer. rite? hehe. even i found it weird-ur mum n ur chomey sisters but they r still ur family n u really love dem and dats made me hpy-to see u even reckless sumtimes but still, tough guyd hv golden heart too, ey? hee. i heard dat u love older women huh? sigh. wish u find dat sumone..=)

rui.. ur my favourite=) tho i may not undrstnd u sumtimes but it dosent matter. ur like diam2 ubi berisi. i remembered when domoji kneel and akked u like merayu sunnguh2 to gv up on makino.. if i were u, i wud be torn apart but as usual wif ur little smile, u knoe dat u dun wnt to come in betwin betwin makino and domoji. both of dem r so ego,huh. hehe. and altho i may not undrstnd y u choose to b that quiet one among f4 n hv all dis king of silent languages but deep down, mayb juz mayb u dun wnt to be at the center of attention.. altho i irritates me to see u jz smiling at shizuka, u shud try harder,ok.. juz like domoji..owh, i shudn't brag nemore cuz ur even closer to domoji=) come on, cheer up. stop playing that biola when ur sad.. hurm. tc rui. u look like anas baadilla tau;) mayb dats y ur my fav=) hee.

f4 dear-gambatte!=)

wud do i want

absolutely nothing but u.. and ur warm smile..

=)

dun think too much

=) ala zazu nie. iksh!

6th august lah pulak

=) hee. tuka tarikh ke, traning for faci nie. hurm.nak pki baju kurung warne ape ekh? purple bj ry yg g umah tun tuh lah. hee. wacha~

kalau itu jodohku

i used to get wat i want
so mayb abah wud freak out if i dun marry sumone wif handsome money
i used to be help-i dun do cooking, i dun do laundry, sumtimes i do d dishes, and god knows wut the hell iv done in my life-so maybe mum wud freak out if i marry sumone who could not or even worse refuse to let other ppl,i.e the maids to do thehouse chores esp cooking..

but kalau dia jodohku, i juz wanted u to knoe, mak, abah, dat i wud alwez gonna b ur lil cheerful naughty lil gurl..
its my life, rite? i knoe u'll get fret out a bit, and worry how on earth i'll handle hard work and short of money but, mak abah, im gonna b a doctor, remember? its a tough job dat insyaaallah will make me a tough gurl, a strong gurl.. so i'l embrace my life much better than i used to. i knoe u love me so much and no other guy can beat ur luv to me, but i juz wanted u to knoe that i feel happy to be by his side. dat i hv zero regrets. no confusion at all. i wanted to be with him and i believe that all u wanted is my happiness.. this is my happiness. he is my happiness. i knoe u'll understnd. i undrstand that its hard to let me go. but mak,abah, i am alwez gonna b ur little bright smily gurl.. =) will alwez be..

orientation training for the trainees?

wah. biar betol nie? hurm. bak kate digi, new concept, new module. so kna ade training dari kol 8 smpi kol 5. gile lame. heh. =) 4th august nie.. xpe. lmbt lagi. heh~

monsters on d camouflage

p/s: abeq mesti tgh tersipu malu di meja mkn bersame kambengnye. hahaha;) sedap, ikan bakar?;)

ok-sumhow dis name appeared in my mind-as we went bck home-passing her house-frm max vallu-huge sum on the bill-400 bucks-ala, 4 hinggit jer babah-haha- owh- d name?- wong li yen- i wus kind of close to her-when i wus standard 3-till standard 5 when i moved to a government schoo-i wus in a swasta school named sek rendh sri inai- where lisa surihani yg berlakon filem im not single used to school jugak-im standard 2 when she wus standard 5 i guess-entah-not dat exactly sure-nway-why did i remembered wong li yen?-because she wus one of those monsters that taught me one,two things in life-she wus d one who hit her scalp so hard kat terowong at school playground that it really hurt those scalp layers-now i know y did the blood came running lot like hell-sbb mmg byk salur drh pon-so dat it heal cepat-nway- she used to play and came over to our hse-wu usually berbasikal-and play hide n seek- once, i wus d only one who wus not yet found so all of dem, li yen, my lil bro and (kitaorg 3 org jer) haha.. so, carilah ashu. but b4 dey search for me- she said sth dat really broke my heart- 'mane kakak kau yg gemok nie sembunyi?' -kakak kau yg gemuk? hello! i wus not at all gemok-i wonder wut she'l call me now if she saw me(cuz she pindah g mane ntah. i dun gv a damn) -badak air agaknyer-heh- nway, i wus not at all kesah actually-but then i hv feelings too-i do! =)

=(

dun be..

celebration

my ke 102 post.. gila merepek kamu. haha!

senseless

smile. esok masih ada. tomorow never dies. green light! jalan lah.. kau bodoh ke? shoot, mmg!

shu? mana? sana.. pilot. hensem! kl central.. sorang je, bang?

i hate it. to b d last to knoe. as if u fogot me? wut cud be d most azab feeling than dat? although its ur life n i shud not be bothered or even more i shud b hapy cuz u seems hapy but sadness still sink in thru the cracks of the wall of my clumsy confused heart..look, im not asking much, ok.. i dun nag u dat much neither call u dat much nemore cuz i realizd im juz torturing u.. im sori for making u felt tortured. all dis bloody years. since eng in camp melaka sampai aku sgt berbangge juz to imagine ko terbang di awan biru- i think iv been very cruel to throw tantrum and worries u (sumhow..) and annoyed u. and god knows how else u felt wif kawan kau yg byk ragam nie. thou i may be unnormal sumtimes, i juz wish that mayb juz mayb if im normal, wud d destiny changes? if i wus that normal, cud i be d one making u hapy? and i doubt i cud. i really do.. u shud like ignore every time i told u dat i liked u in the past. (or did u even get it when i told u?) i hope u did not get it and juz assume i wus a confused gurl back then.. it wud be a nicer pic like that kan? heh. thou u said that thing wus just komplot but still on dis dy onwards, iv made myself to draw a line. a line btween u n me so dat next time WHEN I HEARD FRM SUMONE ELSE THAT UR TAKEN, MY SHOCKNESS WON'T COZ MY BLOOD PRESSURE TO FALL AS MY BRAIN IS OLEDI PREPARED FOR MY EARS AND HEARTS NOT TO BE TORN WHEN I HEARD THAT. no,no,no. jealousy? wut shud i be jealous of? i juz hate to be the last to knoe.. dats all.. dats it!

kepunyaan kamu

dots and poka

i juz wanna ride that raga basikal again..
really-really wanted to..
=) i wanna hear those bell rings and tyre break the moment i stopped abruptlt without reasons.. heh. dats wut iv been doing for the past years of my life.. doing things cuz i felt like doing it.. i dun listen to anyone.. i follow my instict.. i miss those moments where i can tell dat i wus sincere in my laugh and my talks.. but nowdays i find it hard to tell even myself, either i wus shahirah shuaib or sumone else..

allah! the war is not over yet.. help!

where m i?

like hoping for a closed door to open..

pliz remember me..remember me..

jambatan separuh siap

aah.
tak nak.
sbb tak nak.
paham?

tak tahu

mungkin kau tak tau. dia cinta kamu benar. cuma tak berani melafazkannya. munkin takut yg kamu tak benarkn dia bercakap dan dia tak mampu nk bersuara kerna kamu suruh dia diam dan otaknya mcm mati akal kerana ayat diam kamu yg separa tegas dan amarah. mungkin kamu tak diberitahu ttg penderitaannya.mungkin kamu ingt dia sudap melupakan kamu atau membuang kamu terus dr hidup..

tapi masa kamu ingt kamu betol tuh lah kamu silap..

shahirah shuaib...

u knoe wut, d moment i decided thaat i shud hv a blog, my intention wus not updating my lifes or lepas geram or like showing off whom i love or hate but maybe juz maybe i thot i cud juz talk to myself, only in a much nicer way, viewing in a fancy page, and cn also be read by others..

it hit me hard when the ppl around me are'nt the ppl dey were used to be.. i dun mind at all if u change for the better, and better if for the best.. but wut annoyed me is dat when i cn sense that ur not urself.. so not u! i cn smell the worries and fear and doubt.. like i nvr knew u..as if like ur a stranger..

and today, i wus that person..i fight wif a terrible enemy. and that horrible enemy is myself..

i tend to b carried awy.. true.
i tend to be rude.
i tend to be reckless.
i tend to b showing off.
i tend to look smart but im juz one pain in the ass.
i tend to talk the rite things but nvr did one..
i tend to make ppl work for victory but i did nothing than holding up white flag.
i tend to dream a lot and wonder will it ever b reality.
i tend to be gud to strangers but rough and bitter to mother.
i tend to forgive frens and my enemy but its hard to say tq to the that cares 4 me.
i tend to love attentions and attract dislikeness all over me.
i tend to pull up weight and wonder wut other guys think of me.




im tired of the tendency that i hv to kill myself..juz because i dunno wut to do..
mayb the ppl around me get tired of me.. of my foolishness and nagging and hatred and big mouth and rudeness.. mayb dey get tired of my stupidness and doubt.. mayb dey get tired of my woriness, of my boldness and of my dramas...

mayb dey get tired of my stories...

its ok..

im tired too, u knoe.. im tired too.

hana yori dango,anyone?

shoot, best gle syal..cerita jepun nie.. hana yori dago!!!!! =) hee.. sgt best walau mcm agak kuno tapi so wut.. haha. like the way una react when i said lets see star wars.. like? wut the hell.. haha. so wut? haha. kan, mpt kan? like all u need is a very cruel joker voice and spit it out loud: SO WUT? haha~ (ergh, merapiks sudah.. daa. owh, bahagianye mendakapi cuti yg best..and obviously bosan)

and sgt bosan smpi aku rakam suara sendiri?

haha. ang mangse aku adalah peminat2 terpakse aku yg sudi menadah telinga mendengr aku yg merapiks mendedangkan lagu2 bongek lagi agak sedap lah jugak..(kot?) haha..

mereka adalah: M11!!! wit respect to their kindness and keadaban terunggul, bro, nana, er-er and abeqq, watch out ppl, i might be sue for merosaking ur gegendang telinge but again, SO WUT?? haha(gelak kejam) =)