marah

sept 11.

a systematic planned tragedy of the Zionist!

2nd day of raya...

and suddenly there is unhuman human who wanted to burn our holy book, Quran...

melampau sgt nie.

mengucap panjang ana...

ini pasti ujian Allah terhadap hamba2nya.

am so disgusted with this person--> Florida pastor Terry Jones' plan to commemorate Sept. 11 by burning copies of the Quran

mode: destroy

its weird when the pro n cons are fighting in urself. u began to hv sleepless nite. and having dangling doubts around ur head. which u wish it will bury itself. digging its own grave. basically, the basic stuff are so easy and yet i find nothing interests me anymore. mayb depression of wuts happening around and the unability of myself to catch upis the worst enemy that i can deal with now. i find myself being selfish and unsensitive. i find myself attach to all sorts of undefined circumstances which i love to escaped out of it. being a doctor has become a burden to me due to many reason perhaps. i know. in a state of where i am now, going back is not an option. but i wish i could. deep down, turn back and ask myself, wut do really wanna do... precisely no idea i guess. or actually i was denied being someone that i wanted to. nobody cares to know anyway. but i know, i have nobody to be blame of. i just need a miracle right now. a miracle out of this mess....

kawan baik saya...

walau kau ketawa.

tapi aku tahu dlm mu menangis.

walau kau gelak mcm suka.

namun di hati jelas terpancar ke mata lesu mu.

aku insaf seketika bila terkenang kau.

dan jerih payahmu di rantau org.

kau buat aku hargai semuanya dan terutamanya detik2 aku di kota mati ini.

seperti mahu jerit utk panggil kau pulang.

pulang agar dpt temani aku.

pulang agar aku tak bosan.

biar lah sekalipun awan gelap di atas kepalamu.

tak mahu beransur pergi sekalipun.

akan ku tetap memayungimu.

selagi hayat di kandung badan.

the daughter's not so famous confession...

of course, i inherited his confidence, his adventurous attitude.. his panas baran  and above all, his insight towards the world.. iv done reflections thruout my life wif abah.. like looking to a glass of water, abah thought me that life is not only half empty, it cud be haf full as well.. depends on how u see it, and totally abah gave me his extra eyes.. to see and appreciate things. to be brave. to be brave...

 its not that i talk to abah dat often cuz he's alwez busy wif stuffs like meeting, etc.. but then, the moments i had wif him wus the productive ones.. 

ALLAH, thank you. i have abah. and he's more than enuf dat i can ever wish or ask for....

hpy abah's day!

luv u, babah...

GOO GIRL?

GOO GIRL.. i wud tell dat to myself when my aunt or my mum told me (when i wus still in diapers) that i am 'pandai!' juz by doing wut dey wanted me to do, or doing stuffs that were unexpected like shaving my heads with abah's razor blade on my birthday. well, i still had d pic. of my head wrap with pembalut kaen and sumhw i smiled cheerfully in dat pic. obviously i dun remembered who i wus bck then, tho i do remember that i wus naughty cuz i remembered bashing my aunt(my last aunt) who was juz 5 yr beza than i am.. so she wus close to me when i wus small, and i did hd revolution of her names.. frm nel, konel, mak nel, munil and now, mun-mun. hehe. peace. she's like my most favourite person on earth and i really look up to her(sgt adore dia. heh) nway, i remember bashing her cuz she wus weak? haha. i pull her hair so hard dat she cried immediately. she still remember that incident when i told her recently. haha. i also did watch my mum kill a green multi color snake. and i love to wore skirts. colours. i love to scream happily, yeye, abah dah balik when my father arrived frm work. i love cycling. i love to watch p ramlee's. i love to watch tom & jerry. i am crazy of dis japanese series whch i fogot the title(of course) heh. i love to hang out wif pak lang. i love to wait for mamak jual roti pon-pon when balik frm tadika, i love to watch fishes die cuz i poked dem hard(mcm cerita nemo lah pulak.haha) i luv crayons but i hate coloring(find it complicated=)) i luv my mum. i love my dad esp when he bought me barbie dolls and books. i love gaduh dgn my only bro. we got into a fight almost in anything. i love that marron sofa that we gave to pak lang when we moved out frm keramat. (or is it pak long?) ntah.
i remember my tadika lover- his face, yes but not his name. heh.oh yes, i hv bf ok. haha. he'l protect me frm the bullies and defend me against ppl who thot it wus uncool to cry homesick in the toilet(oh yes. im so homesick, wut do u expect? i luv being home. haha) and i love travelling. its like, telling my home, dun miss me,ok? i'll miss u!=) hehe. i luv talking. oh i'l talk untill dat person gets bored of my cute face. haha.






so much of the past..3rd august.. hurm. 3 days to go to be back to cucms. im gonna hv a training of a new concept of orientation.. training for trainees? hee. wutever! layan jer~ =) then, orientation 1st year 4th batch then NEW SEM, WEY, AKU DAH 2ND YEAR LAA.. hehe. gambatte, shashu! (zazu! takot lah.. bear wif me, k? daaa)

-not-so-wishful-

my money ran out. i did not bother much pon. a blue note and silver coins. sigh. luckily mak came to rescue. tq mak.u made me realized how happiness cn also come frm smll things.. iv been dreaming a lot lately. maybe i wus too bz in dis very bz yet fantastic CVS block.. i wus never helped to be awake on fri morn but yestrdy, i wus so lucky dat i did activate my alarm clock.. around 4.30 and 2 more topics to go.. n luckily also dat hafiz got me inside this peer pal thing where right afte class or during evening, we would happily revise bck wut we had learned n shared wut we know despite who u r, either tutor or tweety.. heh. (oxford's joke..;)) tq nizam for ur time.. tomorrow me n zue will b goin to sha alm.. 4 health carnival.. shaz wus so damn expert in takin BP. juz nw evening i wus humilated kind of, by yong.. sigh. coz i dunno hw to control d turning thing of the mercury which i think wud take me sum time to master. aha, atok.. sure cn teach me.. hurm.. being a doctor.. a noble job.. i will nvr gv up.. despite also being humilated again.. where is the radial artery.. argh. musculoskeletal.. shashu, make it the time to revise,ok.. dun let other unnecessary things deprive u frm succees. life must go on.. =) mr gui, tq so much.. oh, yes, i felt terrible. and der was lots of questions unanswered. despite of my failures and i-dun-care-mood i vow to not let the voice inside my head conquer the inner side of me who always wanted the best of myself and the ppl around me. true. we may hv lots of dilemma. lots of feelings that we should not hurt. but i beg to Allah the almighty to shout loudly at me everytime i doze off and probably got thrown myself into the cliff.. plz god, shout loudly untill i woke up. save me frm dying. i want to be alive yet still.. der were so many things left in my dict of life that i had not done yet.. i want to climb mountains, i want to meet bands, i want to go see 7 wonders of the world. i want to build my mum her dream house on top of the hill wif swimming pools and no one around.. i want to prove to abah dat im worth it. i want to prove to 'them' dat i meant it when i say dat i am the future cardiologist.. now, im in a border line.. one straight half line.. in looking the past and criticizing what i should and should not do, wat i hv miss the important things.. hurm. god, shout loudly pliz, i can't hear u..