puteh

had a dream of sumone whom i did not know who..
he was wearing dis jubah, white in color, wif a kopiah. a nice smile.

none other than anyone dat i knew.

O Allah, if its gonna be like dat.. than waiting is worthwhile... i guess. perhaps. InsyaAllah...

i think i wanna marry u

love dis song. dear suami, miss u. yup, working hard here. dun worry. u take care of urself, k.

feeling like hidup macam dalam balang kaca. atau melihat hidup seolah2 terperangkap dlm balang kaca.

trapped. help. trap.

dan sememangnya Allah itu dekat.

Ya Allah, please help me to let go. the bads and let the good stay.

hidup ini perjuangan. it wouldnt be easy everytime.......

mine

personally she is not a not a fan of whatever artis. and yes, u wont see lists of million songs in her laptop. jauh sekali utk beli object bernama mp3 dan sebagainyer. but she loves to listen to radios only when driving. kira, leh lah update lagu2 semasa generasi skrng agaknya sambil ada suara teman while driving alone. to her, kebanyakan lirik lagu sekarang, x menyentuh betul. harap penulis2 lagu nie lebih kritis lah dlm berkarya. bukan lah nk sanjung barat ke, atau lebih dekat, buka tingkap, nampak jiran seberang, punya lah dia rasa lirik2 mereka bermakna sekali. bukanlah dia nk ckp karya tempatan x best. hurm. agaknya org kita nie lebih fikir kan poket, ikut rentak semasa. tapi kalo nk di ikutkan, bila ada kualiti, org mesti hargai. kalau ada ramai mcm m.nasir mesti best kan. dan ramai lagi lah yg berbakat sebenarnya tapi tak sedar yang lirik yg bermakna lah yg jadi roh pada suatu lagu. irama hanyalah sbg aji-no-moto sahaja.
coming back to taylor swift, maybe because she thinks that the song bring back good memories which saddens her but the way the song is being sing, it does not allow u to be sad for too long. its a hope song to her. a hope that the future husband will take her as who she is, and of course taylor does not have a glimpse of spirituality connecting her to her partner in the song but to her, the sense of strengthening between 2 souls can be increase in a marriage by their strengthening with The All-Mighty. she just feel like smiling upon hearing this cool song. and suprisingly from taylor's. thank you. the song really instill inspiration. the phrase 'u say u will never make my parents mistakes', well, really2 reminded her of the past. of the dark past, maybe. but what had happened in her life of the past is a good thing in the end. InsyaAllah.
her another fav phrase, ...and u took me by suprise, u say i will nvr leave u alone.. u say, i remmber how we felt sitting by the water....
although she knew in reality, she wud try her best, and would fight for not letting this tata tertib (read:coupling) offence happening in her life, but after marriage wud be possible is it. thou for the fact as she is typing away these words, none of a homo sapiens by the genetic of xy crossed her mind, not even barney....
well, at least there is still tomorrow.
we will never know. as for today, she may just wanna smile while hearing to taylor's song entitled mine. without even needing to have any spesific who.

and she is happy.
as long as she fight for the real ones in this unpermanent life.
she would be fine... u too, everyone. hey single ladies, lets prepare ourselves better in terms of being an a awesome wife. (though several years from now seems so far away, isnt it?) hurm.. gear up saje lah! siap siaga, x salah kan. awh.

;from the 2nd person view of herself? hee!;

i get more than i want...

cinta sempurna, yuna.

haha. it sounded so nice to me.

its hard actually.

to tell the truth.

especially because we knew that the person who will hear it wud not be ready of what we'll say.

but we grow up from being hurt.

we cry not only because we are sad but to grow stronger as well.

its hard. its not easy to face the truth.

its easier said than done. but once u face it, perhaps its still possible that u cn get better.

insyaAllah.

although it might felt heavy but once ur able to let go, once u knew that ur not broken nor shattered, that this world is just mere temporary, well it could like its nothing anymore.

life must go on!

at least u grow up from this misery.

and all of a sudden, hey, its a new day, its a new you!

sunshine is gone, but not for long.. iA.

;)

Funny (that its not Funny...)

funny it is, how life meets us up unexpectedly...
while in the toilet doing some business,
at the beach,
or while waiting for a bus to fetch you home sweet home,
while digging up a hole for your poor fat obese died cat,
or while hanging clothes at the backyard in a hot sunny weather,
while walking to a foodshop or shooping wildly items on sale,
or while chatting with a stranger in a strange land or sitting quietly in a gloomy library,
or when your dad is sick in a supercrazybusy government hospital,
or when you are just sad and moody and bloody,
and it could be when your car broke down, or when its heavily rain like cats and dogs,
or it might be the day you're all brutal and adventurous or goody holly in a tranquil and serena mosque, or when you decided to jog in the park with an iPod stuck like a glue, or when you decided its a bowling day hooray and picnic day owh yeah,

it is funny, how we meet up.
and how we are taken by suprise.

but indeed in Allah's works and plans, there is NO joke!

happening for a purpose
for us to ponder
and think and stir and stir

rethink again
recycle

and not only to stare

but to work on it, to appreciate and DO something!

because this whole world is 'funny'

today you're up and tomorrow you're gone~

Yet to Allah, what is worth is your heart and mind connected
purely to serve Him
and to strive your very best
not more, not less...

;) P14, Monday Morning....

bila, aku sudah tiada~

Hujan - Bila Aku Sudah Tiada
Bila, aku sudah tiadaSimpan semua lagu kuJangan di tangis selalu
Mungkin, itu sementaraBila jumpa pengganti kujangan di lupakan aku
Pagi itu indah seperti biasaTidur yang lena terhenti di sanaLayap kuyu masih tak terdayaBukalah tingkap muCurahkan cahaya…
Siapa yang sangkaBila tiba masa kitaUntuk pergi selamanya
Takkan terdugaJika saat niTuhan tentukanAku lah orangnya
Gelak tawa tangisan yang hibaKenangan kita masa di duniaAlangkah indahnya jikaKita mampu hidup selamanya…

one day ur in, one day ur out.. rest in peace yasmin ahmad... al-fatihah~

reflect

gran3x reflection..

prof ckp bleh buat 5 ayat..

in 5 sentence.. so,


sy blaja utk jadi manusia.. di sini, cucms.

done.

nah, prof..

=)

i knoe..

its easier to pass on the blame.. yeah, blame me..

but y do u think its ur fault..

bcoz i shud hv did done sth.. mayb.perhaps.. or i shud hv been der..

i shud hv like promoted it to death.. or have an extra pengaruh helping hands so that my org2 pengaruh itu boleh tarik semau org dlm linkungan pengaruhnya utk ke apa2 session.. yg juga sbenarnya adalah utk kebaikan bersama..

and maybe there are times u need to learn how to deal wif ppl yg marah, dissapointed.. not to bulat2 and terima wat they said and put the blame on u.. sumtimes u cn be the fault but its not totally ur fault, dosent it.. they did promised to come.. i did told when and what..

so, nak buat apa lepas nie? maybe u cn ajak the gurls yg semangat sket nie utk help u out..


yes2. i did.. and we'll do solo this time.. u want it, u get it..


sekian.


dear u.. now i knoe wuts wrong wif me.. i dun like to be scolded. one. but the fact that i thot org akan marah2 i and blame myself is another torturing mental prob so stress thingy thats bothering me.. which i need to let it jump out of the window one day insyaallah.. tq theraphy session..sgt membantu.........

for the best things in life that aren't gonna come rolling for free

iv got a terrible cough.
a 2 weeks of reflective diary logbook not yet writen even one word pon.
a weekly exm juz finished which i survived dgn jayenyer despite of freezing cold Hall1 yg hanya ALLAH yg paham betape sejuknyer mcm kat iceland.
dis weekend is a damn busy weekend. jumaat aje lah time free, and next week dah 3rd week. i find reproductive, alright sumhow.. bile ishanie tanye, u nak jadik gynae ke nanti (which i tak paham knape dia tanye tapi mayb sbb i wus so into the pregnant woman thing tuh kot) so, it keeps me thinking, frm that moment im wif her in Prof Yong's class, wud i b a gynae? pergh. dgr frm org, mcm hell on earth jer. but im sumone wif instict. im seeing myself in a place that is calm but busy. in a messy place but under control. and im seeing myself as someone who needs to be more truthful to myself. especially when im not efficient and effective. i wish to be a doctor who saves lives. i can't afford to do a mistake. and yesterday, after so long, i think my ending hav become a beginning.. well, its kinda hard to describe wut happened actually but i juz hope that i'll keep on being the more improved me. im glad that finally i realize that life is not suppose to have control on us but we as the khalifah of ALLAH should be controling our life, our NOW time and not been too worried of the future.. insyaallah, im alright, im gonna be alright..

to have an aim is not enough..
u need to hit it..

mayb dats a part of me that hv been missing.. hitting an aim.. doing plans and work on it.. things dat r simple but i juz wanna complicate it without no reasons.. lame! ashu,lame.. ergh!

whatever it is, im glad im here. where i am now.
no matter gud or bad.
im gonna stay. and never gv up.
nothing is perfect,alrite. so wut? i'll move on! i'll move on..

attack

ATTACK MODE..



MUTATED.




TRANSFORMED..

i wish

i wish i had her figures..
i wish my english wus like hers.
i wish i wus a better scorer.
i wish i smiled at him.
i wish i wus slimmer.
i wish i wus super rajen.
i wish i nvr tinggal solat.
i wish i had bought that shoe.
i wish i didn't bought that hat.
i wish i got 10A1.
i wish i passed my license earlier.
i wish i knew him earlier.
i wish i did not came across his path.
i wish i help her go thru her sadness.
i wish i kept my big fat mouth.
i wish i knew earlier.
i wish i did well in xms that i dun hv to go for short sem.
i wish i had no shrt sems.
i wish i had a ballet class.
i wish my name wus sumbody else.
i wish to be a fav person dat everybody loves.
i wish to be his only one.
i wish to b her best fren.
i wish i had a best fren.
i wish she heard wut i said.
i wish she fogot wut i yell out.
i wish dat tomorrow is better than today.
i wish i only cry for my sins.
i wish i'l b patient more enuf.
i wish im a patient person.
i wish i had more clothes.
i wish i had make up like a pro.
i wish i had a real kampung.
i wish to hear grandpa's stories..
i wish to rasa makanan nenek lagi..
i wish that atok will get well soon.
i wish i can be the very ever helpful sister.
i wish i wus stylish.


i hate u for these.
wuts wrong in being u?
wuts wrong in having wut u hv now??

ergh. shut up lah u.
grow up!!

when remembering is not d issue..

ok, 1st of all, im putting myself in d shoes of those ppl yg memberi tapi tak minta dibalas.. helping and loyally stood by sumone's side despite the ups and downs, the rise and fall..

SALUTE to all of u!

it cud almost b ur mom, dad, aunt, friends, whoever..

but wat struck me deep inside wus when i had dis early dinner around 8 eating sushi mushroom fish nyum2 wif mum(dad wus der at sushi octopus but he wus with his mates, discussing bout their latest projects.. watever, he wus der to pay the bill.. bersyukur sudah, thou i wud like to hv a proper decent dinner wif him TOGETHER SIDE BY SIDE after he just came bck home frm merbok but then i astaga myself and remind myself he is working hard to fed me in my 5 damn years of uni as a goddamn medical student so shashu,shut up and dun complain laah..) and she told me dat she had dis discussion with pak lang (whom she manjerly or secret codely call anje) regarding pak long or atok long's family whom appear to be my grandpa's abg kandung. well the story of course resolve around the hot issue in the family rite now which started frm the decision of atok long's 1st son to send him away to old folk's home.. hurm, which wat kind of reason, i dunno.. (wat d hell is he thinking lah).. and my mom told anje dat if it happened to be so tragic and making it appear oledi like a anak derhake-si tanggang's scene, then it wud best for atok long not to have any child at all at the 1st place.. 'ade anak pon tak gune'.. (he got 9 children.. where r u ppl? haih!i post to u all the curse words in d world)

anyway, pak lang replied sweetly, eh, 2 org cukup.. mom: asal lak 2?

anje: ya lah, satu una, satu kak yah.. [me=kak yah, my brother-una. y una? long story, dat wud take me another post to tell..haha]

at d same time,my pak lang wus curious to knoe bout wat my brother's plan for isu kebajikan my mom,bla3.. like, for any hint, wud he be der, when my mom needed him during her old golden time?

anje: kalo kak yah, aku tau.dia excellent.. mak slalu cerita pasal dia, dia bla3.. [wait a minute, nenek wat? dun tell me she told pak lang or whoever ppl she told some more that i do chores, slimut her, urut her kaki, laugh at her jokes, bla3, things yg i dun even remember doing.. it wus very terharu and at the same time funny coz i wus denying it at first that i am like dat.. haha.. did i do dat? sth like dat.. heh~

nway, mak told pak lang dat una despite of being much more concern than i am, esp bile mak saket perot(she got fibroid yg dia xnak bedah and its oledi like 7cm i guess.. and taking on medication that the testimoni said sumbody got cured bile makan ubat harge rm ratus2 tuh.. mak, cepat lah sembuh.. ubat, ya tuhan, mujarabkan lah) had once askeh her sort of questions yg aku pon tak penah terlintas nak tanye bonde tercintes..

mak, nanti kan adik dh ade umah sendri, mak nak dok dgn adik ke, mcm mn?

xpe dik, kita gilir2 lah.. minggu nie mak dok dgn adik, pastu mak balik lah umah..

kakak?

ske ati kakak lah, dia dtg ke tak nak jenguk mak..

adik tak tanye utk kakak, adik tanye adik..

pulak dah budak nie.. mcm2..

i am very proud of u, una..

and mum, dun worry.. its not that i dun care bile kak tak tanye kan bagaimana di hari tua mu..

i just think that remembering is not the issue here..

like TO REMEMBER JAGA MAK BILE MAK DAH TUA..

no,no.. wat the hell remember?

its a duty dat i'll do happily, mak.. even nauzubillah akak tak sedar diri, una syg.. remind me..

for now, mark my word.. remembering is not the issue here~

like the way i dun remember (owh, i told u i dun remember, mcm mn nak cite.. haih.. =) daa..