tarikh yang crucial

Taken from Wednesday, July 6, 2011 my blog, dedicated to all batch 2007.. its an honour to be growing up with u guys... =)


titik


macam pelakon tak reti berlakon

macam tu lah yg aku rasa

medical student yg tak boleh blah

bakal tabib yg penakut

dan hari ini adalah salah satu dari hari-harinya

utk menggambarkan rasa kebodohan yang aku buat-buat telan mcm sedap

terdampar telantar

jauh makin jauh

mengharap yang bukan-bukan

melihat hina semua

walhal yg lebih hina ialah 4 jari yg menunding balik

aku serius mahukan pemberontakkan seperti YingLuck, Tehran dan Su Kyi



perang kali ini aku kalah kerna aku mengalah

aku biarkan impian aku berehat

biar dan biar dan biar

hingga terbiar

busuk dan bernanah

hati yang kacau bilau huru hara dan tak tenteram akibat tak bersemadi dgn fitrah

apa lagi yang kau mahukan dari dunia

banyaknya mahu dan kurangnya memberi



ku tabik pada manusia2 yg lupa pada erti penat

pada manusia biasa yg tak menjadikan obstacle kehidupan sebgai nokhtah pada usaha kental seorang hamba yang wajar sewajarnya work damn hard kerna hasilnya adalah hak Allah

buat apa bimbang?berusahalah, segigihnya.

sudah lama kau tidur lena mcm mati

hingga hidup pun tak sedar, bernafas mcm terpaksa

apa lagi yg tak kena ....

apa lagi yg nk ditunggu?

masa hibernasi sepatutnya sudah tamat long long time ago



titik.
 

the day after adik was born...

i appreciated today..
i remember my past..
i get frustated with now..
n get understood with an unexpected question..

be very close with the sun.. as if i am able to hold it in my hands..
Alhamdulillah.
tq Allah..
for today..
even tomorrow may bring another challenge..

i remember how it feels like going through a hurdle.
i wasn't the best of doing it.
but i was sumhow the one need to do it anyway..
deal with it.. finish it up!
face it..... sth dat u need to go through....

of course u'll be scared... afraid of wut would might happen.. or will happen..

through my life, i was not the best.. dream of being the best..
but i was not.. though in some situation, i was lucky that the environment lead me to appear superior
but 'the best' of that era stays in that era..
and in most of 2nd decade i'm going thru...im purely average.

im not gonna fail.
not gonna waste my time.
not gonna cry.
im gonna fight!
coz im a fighter and Allah makes us as a fighter prior to development of XY, XX
Allah makes us a fighter where in every human, there is nafs... and its our iman n will that will help save us in the battle..

o Allah, 2 weeks more..
help all of us pass the finishing line together..

ameen ya rab bal ala min...

seribu kali

dear, I'm not sure if u could understand dis, but i dun mind if u wanna scold me hard and then hug me and say, u knoe it's not my fault. that i shud have tried harder, that i shud chose other things and not this. U know that it's hard for me too. Just those words, i guess. I just need to cry. to let it out. Selfish is it? I hope not. It's not my intention to make everyone sad. I have a dream, to make a better hospital environment. We don't need more hospitals. We need more people who can tolerate hospital workloads. I really want the hospital to be staff friendly. to be patient friendly. to be islamic. as islam is the way of life. but i know. words are always easier said than done. i can tell u a lot of stuffs and facts and stories but the truth is, there is so little of contribution and action that i am taking part in. i really felt ashame of myself. i felt that wif u scolding me, will ease up my pain and guilt but yes, again the one that i hurt most would be my creator. o Allah, i have fail u greatly. is der a way back home? im home. but i dun feel like home. am trapped wif my weakness and selfishness. o Allah, save me, save the ones that loves me, and the ones that i love. save me from all the things that i think i cud not do. last 2 days, a murabbi said this to us....

Dan sesiapa yang bertaqwa kepada Allah (dengan mengerjakan suruhanNya dan meninggalkanlaranganNya),nescaya akan dijadikan baginya jalan keluar (dari segala perkara yang menyusahkannya).Serta memberinya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak terlintas hatinya. Dan (ingatlah), sesiapa berserah diri bulat-bulat kepada Allah, maka Allah cukupkan baginya (untuk menolong danmenyelamatkannya). Sesungguhnya Allah tetap melakukan segala perkara yang dikehendakiNya. Allah telahpun menentukan kadar dan masa bagi berlakunya tiap-tiap sesuatu.(Ayat 2 & 3 Surah At-Talaq @ ayat seribu dinar.

tak sangka ayat ini begitu menyentuh hati. and i cried without noticing. Allah.. thank you.. it's ifiniti value for me, not only seribu dinar :)

i luv u, Allah.. i do.

p/s: plis Allah, grants the F5 tkc students, be interested towards our coming.. let this pertemuan be a blessed event. ameen. and the rest, terpulang pada kau, ya Allah. segalanya milik kau..

pelan

academic

sem 10:

1. organize based on colour ;blue, pink, orange, yellow :)



2. revise surgery
   

non sem 10 :

1. read all books yg termampu... :)
   
   

non-academic

family:selasa wif m su, bw nek jln, visit pk lng, lawat ajue, visit pak long? lawat atok busu? , dating dgn sally, amad? mokhtar? mak intn;ajib,ashid, lawat mak am;belikan ikan haruan, lepak rumah Dr M

frens: rabu dgn laila izyn , meng khamis? , isnin depan lawat mak qishy?, lepak dgn HO ktn yuen, mama:) , lepak dgn ija plus mak,

weight hurmmmm bye.

voucher buku lagi seratus~ rabu kl central MPH bookstore! after dgn izyan..

masak blaja dgn mak er er :D , salin resipi drp nenek

BM isi form plus istikharah

travel , esok jumpe chip2 iA, PD nxt week or sepang gold coast jah~

kursus haji?

sental bilik

kemas bilik underground ukays

Settle usrah video dgn yr 4 :)

profesional

pro exm 2 nie post day 1 mcm rilek jerh. bahaya btol..

teringt "amd"

istigfar jap.

jauh lagi perjalanan..

ingt nk susun folder dlm laptop nie cantik2..biar semangat skit msk sem1o..

iA seblom 10, semua lulus pro2. ameen.

teringat tazkirah bg kat hangmidah..

kalo kita takut sgt fail pro2, cuba compare kalo kita mati harini.. kita fail depan Allah.. takut tak?
tak?
tak terfikir pun kan...

so, xpayah takut sgt pro 2 kalo dgn Allah pon xtakut...

dgn kata lain, be prepared je lah. pertolongan Allah itu dekat. kita ada Allah, iA e/thng possible. tiada yg mudah melainkan Allah mudahkan :)

berjuang mode activated!!!

the Days to remember

-....aku maafkan kamu, tak perlu kita bertemu, cukup kau tahu...-
-a song by jamal abdillah and malique-


1. Alhamdulillah. my wikend are preoccupied with beneficial things and seandainya Allah tidak mentakdirkan kebaikan-kebaikan ini nescaya akan tercampaklah hambanya ini menghadap perkara yg sia-sia. Alhamdulilah. :) started with laman bestari, sunathon batu pahat, uia arrivals and kde prog. Alhamdulilah. Moga Allah memberi balasan syurga kepada murabbi ku yg berusaha utk mengisi hati2 kami dgn kasih syg Allah.

2. xpe lah mak, tak payah hantar lagi, kalau diaorg ckp mmg byk kereta, means mmg kita akan potong line org lain. kita kan menzalimi org lain... hantar esok jerh..
-walaupun mak bantah tapi aku yakinkan dia, hidup nie bila ikut perspektif akhirat dia jadi lebih senang, lebih mudah.. dan Alhamdulillah bila mak nampak aku yakin, aku ppg stand aku, she give in.. she called lee tayar and "xpe lah, esok jer.." ;)

3. seeing and meeting the genius ikhwan, sheikh H is the most wonderful thing that i can never imagine. the first time i knew and heard of him from cik N, i have vow to Allah that I will do my best in dakwah and one of it iS because of kewujudan org2 yg berkesanggupan maha tinggi demi dakwah seperti beliau dan ramai lagi unsung hero yg moga Allah merahmati dan memasukkan semuanya ke syurga firdausNya, ameen..

4. maal hijrah. aiyo, x terbaca pun doa akhir tahun and awal tahun.. shame, shame, shash.. not good! mcm mn lah boleh terlepas pandang nie..

5. P and S came from kuantan, one to see deir fren's marriage and 2nd to drop by and meet me. xde lah drop by pun sbb diaorg bermlm satu hari in putra, so Alhamdulillah dgn bersebab mereka dtg, i go out from my comfort zone and bersihkan ground floor mcm sparkling awesome jugak lah. Alhamdulilah. Although sahabat2 mantap lain mungkin sedang gigih study tapi I am very the most happy dapat kemas ground floor and jadi tuan rumah yg the best. although I am not 100% sure what P and S felt with the hospility but P did said, wah ini mmg layanan terbaik nie, and Alhamdulilah Allah permudahkan aku untuk permudahkan mereka:) and we went to Al Sinnai restaurant (mcm tuh ke speeling nye?) at sungai merab area.. restaurant AL punya family. Alhamdulilah i ate the steambot main dish and baru perasan yg i have no idea mcm mn nk handle mkn steambot. selama nie abah and mak je yg sibuk buatkan. adoih..

6. bufday mak su! ingat nak lawat dia lah. plus kids school hols.. ow yes, mak intans nie nak anta R pg prog cuti tak nie dis 30 hb? or shud i rekomen sth more cheaper ekh.. bende tuh dis disember... hurm... nanti lah.

7. Alhamdulillah. Hanya Allah bisa menyentuh dan memegang hati-hati mutarabbi kita. I have seen a potential in F to grow and explore all potentials. Alhamdulilah. May Allah make it the best for her, in all her actions and doings..

8. i slept about 2 hours before reaching tol salak selatan. 10pm til 12 am. Ya Allah, mmg sgt mengantuk and i am also bit shock as upon waking up, ada seorang kakak motor nie was on my tingkap side and sedang watching over me. I did not remember is she was trying to call my name, or try to bangunkan me or whatever, neither i remmbr did i turunkan tingkap, but i did remember talking to her, so i must have turunkan tingkap which is SO BAHAYA sbb helloo, kang dia acid splash aku pukul 12 mlm..padan muko ko.. anyway, i remmeber she said, ok, sy pergi dulu ya, and she drove her motorcycle sommothly laju away from me yg tgh terpinga2 sbb i just realized its 12 am and mak is waiting at home and yes, 7 miscalls! :/ oh nooo.. sori mak. sori adik.

9. i told S sth that i shud have not tell her actually. about gdp and etc.. and all those marah-gila things. May Allah forgive me. May she learnt a lesson of my random babling and rambling.

10. oj note! nvd ape nye. dah 5 weeks tak terbuat, ya Allah!!! but if we have started (on anything, on sumthing..) thus we are never too late. and actually we r not late bcoz we have started! yes, yes.. i am coming today oj! just u wait..cikgu T, i dedicate this quotatation frm sheikh to u.. please please proceed. iA Allah is always by our side :)

11. i am ashame of myself, really. why on earth am i deeply worried of psy presentation whereby Allah is always there for each of us. InsyaAllah Rabu nie ada case for me. Rabu and khamis actually.. bcoz jumaat baru presentation :) O Allah, im not gonna be sad. I am going to be patient. temukanlah aku dgn patient yg dpt kami belajar drpnya, ya Allah. ameen.. ya rab bal ala meen.

12. :) iA i will talk to u. iA i will be redha with whatever response u'll give me. i am ready. iA :) i did my part, alhmdulilh. iA.... :)

mary go round

semalam on-call. tapi smpi pukul brape jer. kak mils in the house. sian dia. wound breakdown. tapi dia sgt welcoming. baik sgt. ingatkan dia garang. so not HM laa. haha. nway, we shared a lot of things. sgt best. it's so refreshing to have talk to a senior. hee. alhamdulillah.

itu pun mary yg perasan. kalo tak, tak tau jugak. hehe. dia pesan buat BMJ one examination sbb EBM, prepare for osce drp skrng, buat questions dari uni lain.. ada fana passkan arituh. banyakkan knowledge. procedure/oncall buat laa tapi kena work smart, xyah lama2 sgt.. (itu yg blk awal, tuh. senior suruh. haha.) dia ckp pasal hosp mn yg ok. etc. hurm.. anak dia sgt comel. khairiah. yg terbaik. hehe. rambut lebat sgt. and she look like both kak mils and abg B. hoho. and we told her all sort of nitemare stories from college. hee. and she was suprised indeed.

k, cwu x start lg. jap lg nk antar kat suki man. haih.

like wild fire

APPLY!
the reading look easier but when u are in a real situation and the magic word utter; apply. well, u may fumble and not be you for a min or two.

that is what i and maybe most of the final year rasa. the toughness of applying.

and its not just the decision. the responsibility. the passion. the love. the sacrifise.

the reality. the pahit.

i found out new things about me, apointed by my real mom and a mother in a labour room.

One is from a mother to her daughter and another from a patient to a medical student.

Thanks maks. love u both.

i learnt that i could be very fragile when i did not trust myself. u could see it clearly when i did not prepare my case (read: did not read through details) or during exam which u'll be bombarded by different level of thinking, exams that needs skills (read: lesen kereta and osce agung) and etc. and the one in labour room is taking blood from patient. ya, take blood jer. tapi tgn aku sejuk. shaking. and mak ckp, kamu ada gemuruh ke shahirah.. yakin diri, bergantung pada Allah. kamu dah belajar kan? (angguk sambil rasa nk nangis terharu) so, yakin jer. be confident. i am confident in you. you know what to do!

anugerah patient terbaik.

on the another note, my clinic session on tuesday was quite miserable. the MO , Dr S was very stern but alhamdulillah she taught my mind to be disciplined and sharp. tq. and yes i'll do it a thousand time if i need to. no prob. iA. tak mati pun is the new motto bebeh!

last night, my marah was tested. nasi and chips. after 20 mins waiting sambil tgk cerita cina, where is the fish? owh, saya ingat akak nk bungkus. (oh my, i terkeluar bodoh for the first time in my life... kecewenya, kamu nak saya makan nasi dgn french fries ke? kenapa bodoh sgt..) May Allah forgive me... hungry can make u angry. but as a muslim, i should have not be that angry. i should be patient and forgive the waiter....

and dear aliah, everyone pernah buat salah. buat salah itu bagus, yang tak bagus bila kita repeat back the mistake....

p/s: steve jobs died 2 days ago i guess. RIP great man.

rasa

masa. mematangkan kita.
orang. mendewasakan kita.
seribu. walau a thousand time, i'll go through it again, ya Allah. tak mati pun, iA.
mata. yang memandang org lain dgn rasa kasih dan syg
HB. rehat kita hanya di syurga.
penat. tak mematikan aku. penat, sila penat dgn aku.
firasat. moga Allah beri ilmu ini kpd kita, especially Dr. in treating patients, parents in raising their endangered children in this modernised overly entah apa-apa world. Allah dah ckp. Dunia ini hanyalah gurauan dan tipu daya.
tahu. apa yang kita nak, and apa yg kita tak nak dlm hidup. aku nak keredhaan Allah dlm setiap langkah and perbuatan aku. ameen. aku tak nak husband yang tak paham, and lebih parah; buat-buat tak paham dgn kerjaya aku, dgn matlamat hidup aku, dgn visi aku. Permudahkanlah ya Tuhan...... berilah semua suami pengertian...semua mahu dimengerti.



tarik nafas panjang,
hela dalam-dalam.
tarik lagi.

Allah hu akhbar!

no someone like you

someone like you...

• zubeq- have her mind of her own, kemas, teliti, kecik2 cili api, bervision , bermatlamat.. penuh dgn nasihat bila diminta. thanks mate.. :)
  
  


• aliah- don't underestimate this young lad, she may look fragile n emotional at times but very strong and passionate inside...skill reflection yg tinggi n also punya refleks yg tinggi literally as well(read: cepat terkejut) tak berkira sgt, seorg kawan yg baik..caring is sharing motto hidup. caya lah. respect..





• midah- impulsive. nampak slow tapi sgt fast sgn cara tersendiri yang penuh kelicikan.. pemikiran yg kucar-kacir dan abrupt tapi nasib baik disulami dgn sisi-sisi yang matured. haha.
  




• nana- punya background kehidupan yang membuatkan aku bersyukur dgn kehidupan yg aku ada.. kepantasan dia berelationship kdg2 buatkan aku mual tapi life is not just what u see in front dan aku mengerti sisi kosong yg ada dlm jiwa seorg nana. seorg kwn yg tak berapa caring tapi sanggup berkorban di dlm kemampuannya.




• era- yg aku senangi kerna somehow we have the same track of mind. a good listener. antara org yg punya the best common sense dlm hidup.. :) seorg kawan yg tak berkira sgt.. memahami..
  




• parvin- seorg yg sgt sabar. bantuan yg diberi padaku esp masa 3rd year di kala skill kereta sgt sampah, akan aku kenang selagi hidup.. dia kawan yg setia, yg jujur.. mungkin dah kurang sikit innocent tapi yg jelas, dia tetap parvin aku yg the best! :) my parvo viridae..
  




• bhav- walau most of the time mcm lagi byk pentingkan diri sendiri tapi punya ability dia buat perkara2 yg complicated jadi simple, dan lebih2 lagi sekarang bhav dh kurus and mcm obses dgn makanan yg tak berkalori buat aku malu dgn perut burger nie. haihhhh!





• maya- walau kami sgt berbeza idea,pendapat dan jendela kehidupan tapi pegangan yg kami pegang dan berkiblatkan menyatukan kami. seorg kawan yg kuat, yg mahu menjadi adil, yg do the best tapi kdg2 suka memaparkan sisi-sisi diri yg tak best.. owh maya, its ok dear..no one is perfect. Only Allah! :)
  



• iffah- yg bisa merubah dan mengubah sisi-sisi aku yg jahil dan 'lari' dlm diamnya, dlm hikmahnya. Ukhti pasti jadi ibu yg hebat, kelak. insyaAllah..





• wani- aku share semangat falsafah dan sastera dgnnya. jendela-jendela dunia byk aku buka dgn yakin hasil drp bicara-bicara kami yg banyaknya, kebetulan, kami kupas dlm kereta...moga Allah beri kekuatan pada ukhti untuk lebih pantas dan deras dlm setiap niat anti utk kemajuan islam khususnya..
  
  




• meng- kami mula sgt rapat sejak umur 16 tahun.. tahun ini 24. dh 8 tahun. byk masa remaja aku yg mentah, aku kongsi dgn meng.. tapi jujurnya, dari hari ke hari , merasai makin jauh dgn sahabat yg seorg ini atas sebab-sebab yg hanya Allah yg tahu...




• peanutbutterchip: seorg kawan yg aku baik sejak umur hingusan 13 tahun..yg biar jauh beribu batu, tapi sgt dekat di hati.. riang dan happy go lucknya buat aku lupa segala masalah dunia yg bertimbun, dia seringkali berjaya mengalih cara aku melihat dunia..beri aku tingkap yg berlainan setiap kali aku cerca apa yg aku jenguk keluar drp jendela kehidupan.. bila aku bermotivasi dan berkongsi rasa-rasa aku dgnnya, she w/o fail dgn ikhlas akan kata, baguslah kau nie, ashu.. walau pendek, tapi aku akan rasa apa aku buat nampak kecil tapi bernilai.... kawan yang takkan ku tukar dgn apa pun di dunia ini..



• nana ker: kisah2 cinta lara yg walau buat aku termuntah at times tapi gigihnya wanita ini dlm apa yg dia percaya sentiasa berbekas dlm sanubariku.. way foward bila terjatuh.. itulah nana...
  



• adaw dan pikorq- sama kepala. kelakar. thank to Allah our path crossed.... walau hingga hari ini.