-not-so-wishful-

my money ran out. i did not bother much pon. a blue note and silver coins. sigh. luckily mak came to rescue. tq mak.u made me realized how happiness cn also come frm smll things.. iv been dreaming a lot lately. maybe i wus too bz in dis very bz yet fantastic CVS block.. i wus never helped to be awake on fri morn but yestrdy, i wus so lucky dat i did activate my alarm clock.. around 4.30 and 2 more topics to go.. n luckily also dat hafiz got me inside this peer pal thing where right afte class or during evening, we would happily revise bck wut we had learned n shared wut we know despite who u r, either tutor or tweety.. heh. (oxford's joke..;)) tq nizam for ur time.. tomorrow me n zue will b goin to sha alm.. 4 health carnival.. shaz wus so damn expert in takin BP. juz nw evening i wus humilated kind of, by yong.. sigh. coz i dunno hw to control d turning thing of the mercury which i think wud take me sum time to master. aha, atok.. sure cn teach me.. hurm.. being a doctor.. a noble job.. i will nvr gv up.. despite also being humilated again.. where is the radial artery.. argh. musculoskeletal.. shashu, make it the time to revise,ok.. dun let other unnecessary things deprive u frm succees. life must go on.. =) mr gui, tq so much.. oh, yes, i felt terrible. and der was lots of questions unanswered. despite of my failures and i-dun-care-mood i vow to not let the voice inside my head conquer the inner side of me who always wanted the best of myself and the ppl around me. true. we may hv lots of dilemma. lots of feelings that we should not hurt. but i beg to Allah the almighty to shout loudly at me everytime i doze off and probably got thrown myself into the cliff.. plz god, shout loudly untill i woke up. save me frm dying. i want to be alive yet still.. der were so many things left in my dict of life that i had not done yet.. i want to climb mountains, i want to meet bands, i want to go see 7 wonders of the world. i want to build my mum her dream house on top of the hill wif swimming pools and no one around.. i want to prove to abah dat im worth it. i want to prove to 'them' dat i meant it when i say dat i am the future cardiologist.. now, im in a border line.. one straight half line.. in looking the past and criticizing what i should and should not do, wat i hv miss the important things.. hurm. god, shout loudly pliz, i can't hear u..