cemerlang gemilang terbilang

silly

yes, me.
spesifically yesterday!

but i thank Allah. Our family are much more stronger now. Alhamdulilah.
which makes me as well a grateful person for being in this posting psychiatry. able to interpret and tolerate better now. Alhamdulilah.

i really cant spill out the details because its very-very-very silly really and also embarrassing. but what i can share is that, in life, u need to really be feeling something is wrong with you, if Allah has never let u cry, if Allah have make everything so easy for u, and that u never feel Allah have test your sincerity and anything of yours in this so-called x permanent world.

i quote this from ILUVISLAM edition 26,
bagaimanakah kita tahu yang seseorang itu mencintai kita seandainya kita tidak pernah menguji cintanya dan kesetiannya? Adakah hanya dengan melafazkan cinta sudah cukup terbuti yang cinta itu benar-benar wujud? Kita sering menyatakan amat mencintai Allah SWT, tetapi adakah sekadar kata-kata indah di bibir yang menjadi pemanis bicara?

to prove our love, we need to be tested. thank you, Allah, the bestest help and protection.


on the another note, i met a very kamcing old skool partner n crimes fren, PEANUT CHIP BUTTER COOKIES a.ka chip-chip farhana my dearest batch Titans thrubred 0004, yesterday, in KLCC.sori, our nicknames back n schools are so not islamic at all. to think of that, i wish i was being called humaira back then! haha. Rasulullah called Aisya, humaira which means kemerah-merahan macam delima if im x mistaken.. so sweet! =)

today, i will be heading to T with cool pal Aliah.dunno what time actually...
please pray for all of our 18 ppl, a safe journey to our 'holiday' destination.
i really hope we would all be in one piece when arriving to Samudera, iA.
also, i hope that the internet is working there and that we are able to survive our 3 weeks in T.
insyaAllah, we'll find our way(s)..

korbans

boleh tak berkorban untuk group......

i had the most 'terrific' day today.

1) cancel my awaited program of the week as I am appointed by someone who apparently had type A personality which I am as well. So, you could imagine that I was also tense as well, because I need to so-called 'berkorban' for the group which memang iA i tak kesah, for the benefit of the ummah, so dun mind, ok.. But its the way the msg was written, i cn say that i am quite snap lah jugak. hurm. but its a minor issue. mayb not expectating those kind of words from the so called sumone i guess. but its ok.. i think i cud understand the tense in the person as well. as i am the only appropriate hope. i guess..

2) the journey to RC KL for our psychiatry library books took me 19 min from PJY to Ampang, fetch adik because I know I am so buta jalan and I need a man's help to carry the super tebal books, well medic books, standard lah kan.. plus another 25 min to arrive to RC KL from my house in Ampang (near highland tower.. huhu) which logically should be around 10 min jerh. its insane, jem jem jem.
Fine lah, if u compare to China, 9 days of traffic jem that stretch up to 100 km.
Bersyukur lah sgt tiba-tiba. hehe.

3) i met prof N's wife.
Thanks someone for appointing me to take the books away to T! (owh, i was exchanged to T group as initially i am in H group but because i find A needed help and she need to be in H grp more that i do, i guess, i just let go lah. dun mind, iA. its the best plan from Allah,iA.)
Back to prof's wife, she is a clinical psychologist =) , she was so sweet with Prof N tau, omg, stalker kejap. haha. and she said she knew Z's brother which apparently she said all of z's siblings have the z name in front of them as well. hurm. i really did not knoe that trivia. hehe.

4) can't wait 2finish Q. its my own personal goal. maybe T xbusy mode will help kot. iA.

5) Will be celebrating HARI MERDEKA 31ST AUGUST in T! alhamdulilah, seronok and teruja sgt nak tgk smart askars with smart uniform marching and berbaris. Am thrill! x wait!

6) tun fatimah, eh tun hasmah will be coming to college this... (not sure) but she will come to our college ok. huhu. not a big fan of mahathir but i do respect him! hee. and behind every suksesful man, there is a woman! hee, peace!

puasa reached 17th day today! =) 3 days to go.... anxious!

on the another note, my frens said i may have a bit of bipolar disorders in me.
manic most of the time and depressed tiba2 then manic balik then normal..
buekk!

;)i am me laa. fullstop!

bestest help

bateri..

in life, well, spesifically, a human functions by a bateri that Allah have long instil in us. the bateri could be a lot of things, cud be a collection of a lot of entities.

you can say,the bateri compromise of love, appreciation, your heart beating, your mind running free, mental health, sanity, etc etc.
what the bateri is in us, is not that important but wut is significant is that what if the bateri dies , without actually even reaching its expired date??

well, most of the time, we can call a mechanic if our car bateri died, or bought a new bateri if our little cousin's mainan car dun move nemo..

but how about us? some parts of our bateri can died temporarily and could even forever die if we let it and dun call out for help..

wow, there is a help.. and that is what i am learning now.. pscychiatry!

of course, our bestest help is from ALLAH. the creator of the bateri.. at the very begining!

=)

LEGA

alhamdulilah. tq Allah.
rasa lega. satu bad habit vanished!


Me:
slm kak f
sibuk ke?
sy nk minta pandangan skit
tapi x urgent lah
F:
shashu tinggal je soalan..nanti akak jwb ye
Me:
kdg2 kan kite mcm cepat sgt beremosi, menzahirkan ketidak puas san hati, di mana akhirnya apa kita ckp tuh akan berupa umpatan dan memburukkan seorang hamba Allah yg juga punya kelemahan seperti kita jugak
soalan, mcm mn kita nk elakkan dari jadi org yg terlupa begini, i.e saya lah tuh. kdg2 marah sgt, sampai terlepas ckp yg x baik, pastuh rs guilty sorang2. haih..
tq=)
F:
ingt kebaikan dia =)
Me:
wah, bernas.
tq st kak f
*sgt
sy rs lega
F: =)

ya, ingatlah kebaikan sesiapa jua yg anda burukkan itu.
tanya lah diri mu, xde langsung ke secebis kebaikan mereka kpd anda??

RENUNG2KAN..

patah hati

pening-sabar-sabar-haih

yup. pening lah. owh, i did not see at all this coming. what? organizing buka puasa in Dr R's house gives me heart break and headache.

hurm.

long story...
but the moral of the story is, sebagai seorg manusia, u, shahirah could not, n i repeat, could not satisfy i.e puaskan hati each human being that involves watever u r dealing wif. full stop.

yup. i have limitation. saya hamba Allah yg lemah. I accept that whole heartedly.

so, even i feel like jumping to the ocean, but at least, i learnt that in case in the near future, as a doctor, u shall can never satisfy each of the person that u r dealing with, i.e my otais, my bosses, my M.O, my nurses, and above all, my patients.....

i leave it to Allah to be the judge... Ya Allah, help me become a compose and solid person, tidak terinfluence dgn whatever emotions that will be campaksto me, i.e especially anger and remorse of the future super stress ppl that will iA i hope wud not be around me in the wards and in my life in the future, perhaps... ameen.

on the another note, realizing this with Aliah my bro is also interesting to me. i said that psychiatry is easy for me, compared to other posting, especially internal med and she snap back, omg shashu, i felt the other way around! huhu.
our humble conclusion: we complement each other, iA. SO sweet kan kan. hee :)

esok buka puasa at rumah Dr R at 7pm. yeay. InsyaAllah. All 15 ppl, please be der ASAP. thanx.

p/s: batch 2007 will grad in JULY 2012. Ameen. May we prove to our lecturers and the world by large, that products of CUCMS are distinct in a good-good good way... Ameen.

ACTIVATED

maybe i am a human with some sense of hopefulness in me.
even if i am all negative and swing and sad and etc, Alhamdulilah i stay hopeful. its like holding to insyaAllah, Allah will gantikan back watever i have lost or failed or etc.

maybe most of the time i am like that. sometime i dont. please remind me that i am a very hopeful person. maybe optimistic as well. maybe. InsyaAllah positive.

there are actually a lot of things that we can be grateful of. So many that we definitely lost count. DEFINITELY! one of my biggest gratefulness is an opportunity given by Allah to be a debater in UIA when i was a matriculation student back in 2005-2007 and i am still more than welcome to join their activities, even actually yesterday and today i wus involved with LIGA DEBAT KDBM that was attend by UIA GOMBAK, NILAI, PJ n KUANTAN student junior debaters. :) so proud of this enthuthiastic debaters who chose to be in AIKOL , debate, debate, all 4 rounds instead of being sumwhere else like MIDVALLEY, KLCC and byk lagi, just to name a few. :)

i am very honour when my frens appointed me to become a judge. i wus expecting to just enjoy the show sajorh. i thot izzat jones(the president) was joking around when he said, pliz judge nanti. of course lah i am indeed qualified and pernah je jadi judge... pernah jadi debater, wakil uia but it had been so long since i last debate or even be a judge... i started judging in 2nd round however.. the usul that i judged was 1) UMNO and PAS perlu bergabung, 2) azwan ali sudah tidak laser 3) biotech menjana eko. negara 4) isu alam sekitar: media massa syok sendiri and final round i went home sebab mak xde teman buka pose, abah need to go berbakti i.e business matters. hehe.

but u know, debate is all fun,fun,fun. i really miss the adrenaline.
i miss the noisy laughter when a debater manage to crack jokes and rebutt a point so bergayaly.
i miss the family sense of KDBM have.
i miss the concern seniors of how poorly u did in exam due to debate hectic training.
i miss the time i had stupid crushes on senior debaters who obviously accepted me not more than a small sister.
i miss the makan-makan time.
i miss enjoyning the show.
i miss training and all the harsh words that u can telan bulat2 for the sake of winning a comp.
i miss everyting about debate.

kak mas hug me when she need to balik awal today with all her heroes berderet2 sbb no maid, so all have to follow mommy mcm anak ayam jerh. hehe. and she said, shashu, u are indeed a loyal friend, a loyal ahli club KDBM. u shud have stayed in UIA. we need ppl like u.
so sweet of u, kak mas. muah2.
my answer? well, i am also suprise actually when i answered her that IF i am not in CUCMS, i don't think i will come back here, i dont think i will be here again if i am not in CUCMS.

why?
because only in CUCMS that i realize, that the skills of thinking creatively and OTB is SO SO IMPORTANT. our teacher/lecturer can taught us HOW TO DO SUMTHING, BUT to think why u need to do it and how to do it right or better, that involves level of thinking, it involves ability to think and rethink and think and rethink and it goes on and on... Which i gladly have had those trainings during my time as a debater in UIA.

thank you Allah for experiences that i could not BUY anywhere else in this whole world.
i am happy.
especially sharing tazkirah before every match start during the debate league:) awesome!
thank you Allah. Alhmadulilah.

rasa terharu juga bila Bro Cipul (senior coach) said, this is kak shashu and she is a legendary senior living example of a true from zero to hero ikon.

tinggi sgt award tuh. hehe. insyaAllah heroin of the ummah.. AMIN...

P/S:
esok dah start clinical posting.
hoo-ray.
geekrajingilaistiqomah mode:
ACTIVATED!

Al Baqarah:286 mode

keep up

sometimes people finds it necessary and wajibul to keep up with their comrades, peers, the whole world, U.S, Europe, bola, tennis, fashion, etc.

also important to keep up thru FB, twit,miRC, e-mail and Allah knows what else ppl do to keep up with each one another..

i however am a person with freedom, i guess. seorang yang merdeka.

owh by the way, keep up your JALUR GEMILANG my frens, show the Malaysian spirit in u, (well, at least, that the least u cn do to show ur sense of appreciation to the country where u were born and fed..)

coming back to freedom and merdeka, so why am i claiming i am such a person?
yes. simply bcoz i REFUSE to keep up with the whole world!
no notifications in the FB will freak me up, no long list of email will pump my adrenaline and nothing i guess, so far, have make me impulse to keeping up with the so-called ever changing non-stop world...

yes. in my sense of sensibleness, that is the true meaning of independence. fuull stop.

my highest concern wud go to me, keeping up of the level of my iman.
iman boleh jadi rendah, boleh turun, boleh naik.
i am more worried on my stamina to maintain my level of spirituality and perhaps making it higher if Allah permits, insyaAllah.

in this month of Ramadhan, and its already the 10th day of Ramadhan, me unable to keep up with my own nafsu is the biggest dissapointment of all. some of my dissapoinment:
1) eat eat eat and a lot. not like!
2) read Quran little and little and little. not istiqomah at all. not like!
3) isrealist soldiers keep interferring with our bro and sis in Palestin, not allowing them to terawikh in Aqsa.. wth yo?
4) baby dumping
5) accident madness
6) husband (read:useless) making misery to wife and kids

and many other insane untolerable daily neswpaper reports i cant keep up with..

may Allah forgive me for not able to keep up with my lost self, as well as the lost soul surrounding me...

if Rasulullah is among us now, what would he say? what would he response?

if u ask me, i wud just cry. i am so far away with the verse la yu kal li fullah hu nafsan illa wus nga ha...

forgive me.

one, two and twist..

No, its not the song lets twist again, like we did last summer... yeah.
but a twist of suprise.
u see, most of the time, its always easier to SAY it than to DO it.
especially the word REDHA.
Alhamdulilah.
My doubt have been answered today. i alwez doubt my ability of being redha.
After 4 days of internet fasting due to unpaid bills. hee. mak notty, lupa bayau,
happily suksesfully log in thru gmail, saw the CGP result, and

the word fail beside it, hurm.. seriously as a normal human, of course i felt, sad...
But there is a sense of accepting. Alhamdulilah.
I asked myself, fail or pass, what wud be better? i passing this and not passing in the here after, and all those reframe technique.

what Allah decided for me is the best!
actually i am just afraid that ppl , especially my hsemate wud thought that going to Imam Suhaib talk until late at nite on exam eve wud be one of the reasons dat i did not score but Allah calm me greatly by giving Sara, aishah and many other sisters who also went for the talk, a tremendously jolly high marks! so proud of u guys. as well as all my 70+ brothers and sisters in the batch who hav had ur 80 passing marks and above. yes, eighty is the passing mark for GCP certificate! cool kan? heh.
as for mine, sikit lagi tau nak pass. tapi, xpe. Alhamdulilah. this is the best:)

on the other note, pkck hd gud as well. making me jealous. in a gud way tho. nk beat dia! siap laa u.. haih!

and dear uncle,
please get well soon. my best fren's ayah, uncle zainuddin had dengue+chicken pox. warded yesterday in Amp Puteri.. kind hearts, pliz pray for uncle's speedy recovery. May this hikmah reunite and strengthen meng's family. iA..

next week, to be exact, 23rd Aug, i am officially a 4th yr med stud. hurm, may a better Shahirah u will be, shahirah. really like the group as well as i hv my sisters all lump in one grp however not in the same subgroup! not like. but to rethink again, mayb perhaps in other postings we may be able to mingle more greatly. as far as psycho posting is concern, my saviour are tim, neesa and biha! hee. at least! and at least, HKL for the Ramadhan month means going back and forth from home.. :) peace! life is heaven.

sigh!

EBM

evidence based medicine.
have not able to recall when was the first time i heard this but i am sure that it won't be my last.
yes, consider us, the CUCMS students lucky. Very-very lucky, I suppose.
because EBM is actually exposed to post graduate students :)
see, how distinct we are?
yes, very.
however, implementation of this EBM, 4 week course which ended this morning (sigh...) does not mean that it will instill a sense of more nurturing the passion to care human beings among us, because, let us all face the truth...
NOT EVERYONE IS KEEN ABOUT EBM.
Alhamdulillah I am not one of them...

insyaAllah.
I will be doing both attachment and research after my 4th year posting ends somewhere in April 2011, if Allah permits, insyaAllah ;)
pray for the best and expect for the best from Allah..

UNFOLD

dicovery-discovery-discovery
it feels great to discover
new things
new knowledge
new people
new culture
new wonders

it feels great to discover as well
already known things and knowledge
known persons we known from other parts of the world
the inherited culture
and the previous wonders we used to wonder

why?

because a new discovery of today or the past
will never fail to stimulate us and
to gear us up
for a hopeful future ahead

isn't it amazing?
along the path of discovery, you discover yourself actually..
and how Great the One that at first have created the wonders that make you love to discover and unfold either old or new things

discover-discover-discover
let us all discover the true meaning of life
the true life with meanings...

:freezing in maincampus:27Syaaban:2010

sakit

sakit untuk sihat
begitulah hari ini
aku rasa aku sakit
aku berjumpa dengan si pawang
si pawang mmg mahukan aku sihat
dgn izin Allah
namun bila mahu disihatkan
aku rasa lagi sakit
ah
kenapalah aku pergi berjumpa
si pawang
dia menyuruh aku jgn jumpa lagi dgnnya
dia kata ada org lain yg lebih afdal berbicara
tapi aku tak mahu
aku suka pawang ini
dia buat aku selesa
namun keselesaan aku membuatkan si pawang tak selesa
beransurlah kamu ke pawang perempuan yg lain
mereka jua sama handal sama ampuh

aku sedih sementara
terluka

tapi aku faham.
aku mengerti.

terima kasih.
aku tak mahu sihat utk sakit..

takkan aku ulangi lagi!