serius

ya, sy nak g jogathon.... esok! harap2 xde lah org bg aku the kiss of life.. ya allah, let me get thru this.. i just wanna finish (and kalo mng mcm lagik biar betul?haha) and go home... oh, yes. bg sokongan kat kawan2 YM1 lah kan.. nak gak contribute kat nur hikmah(kan, nama nye?)

a secret

thank you for being der when i need u the most...

terendak

mak, tak nak pegi! =(

the truth

i hate u.. do not hate me because i hate u. do not hate me becoz i lied. but its the truth. i hate u.. i hate u so much that i wish i didn't know u.. maybe ur juz a dream. a nitemare.. mayb ur just like the wind. a storm. u'll pass by. i'll survive... or perhaps i'll be wrecked up and dissapear.. i hate u. i wish i hate u from the beginning till the end. but strangely, i don't.. as much as there are so lots of reasons to love u.. im building walls around myself as a reminder.. that i should just hate u from the start.. i knoe, its wrong.. but wut's right? i wanna live for u.. i wanna see u smile.. and us talking the signs that only we knew.. or perhaps we knew.. i wonder u'll remember those days.. and i won't blame u if u don't recall anything.. coz the truth is, its not worth remembering either..

i know... that's y im going.. to hate myself for hating u. but its the truth. i hv to hate u. i have to..

change

i wish i cud bring change to someone's life...

its time to shine laa (jude's way of speaking..=)

i know of a secret. of somthing so glaring that fortunately no one notices. i had a past. and the secret lies in it. i have a future. but i seem not to run for it. i have only now and i seem to waste it like the wind blowing dust.. vanishes before u realize it.. i feel like giving my best, but there are always tons and tons of reasons or rather excuses that creativity allows as long as humans existed to not be doing what u have to do or need to do.. i hate my life dearly. so much that there are times im confuse.. is life this hateful that i dun like it? or i hate it becoz things are not like wat i wanted.. yes, i hate it bcoz its hard. but its bcoz of its difficulty that im smart. when ur crawling, and u try to walk for the first time when ur small, ur smart enuf to tell, that u'll gonna fall at the moment u try to stand and walk.. but ur smart also to say its ok, mum is der to catch me, its ok, as long as i try, its ok coz i wanna walk like those kids in taman.. so, im smart enuf to tell myself now, that u need and need to change.. change for the better, shahirah. change for the better!

camping my head in the jungle

• exhausted

its shocking to let urself be trap again with a memory of a camping 10 years ago.. dusun eco resort. i was there when im 12, standard 6. and god, i hate that place but i x remember y.. until one fine day, leadership camp in dusun eco resort 10 years later, 20-22nd March.. errr, i wonder y i hate dis place so much.. and the moment i step down from the bus mengharungi a 45 degree perjalanan maha dahsyat, which i wish Allah provided my trapezius with wings.. and walking to the dorms/rooms/ xde lah camp site.. it struck me.. i was damn lembap 10 years ago. i dun fit into orders yang sounds like 'ok guys, 15 mins lagi ada bla3, or, in 30 mins time i want you to get clean and we'l hae dinner here and her'.. with many ppl in one toilet.. man, i was way out of the place.maybe because it wus my 1st time. and maybe because i just dun feel like following.. i dun feel like moving when i wus suppose to move.. and having 10 years later, leadership camp pula, i dunno why, this feelings of nothing can beat u don unless u allow it is burning inside.. especially after the 45 or 50 degree zalim walk which i thank you puan nisaah for preparing myself for terendak.. 'thak you'.. but its thru dat long trail that i ponder of my life.. i tell myself that i can do it. obviously i can do it. and i relate it to pro exam and responsibilities of being a khalifah.. its hard, no doubt. its difficult, of cousre. but its the climb that matters.. the matter of giving up all ur negative thots and trust urself. yes, i can! sounds like obama dosent it, but its a wonderful experience. being able to mean what you feel and say.. (take deep breath and Allah, pliz let this be a istiqomah in me)

• making sth out of nothing

there are times u are left with decisions.. important decisions that u wish sumone better than urself can make it and realize it to reality.. there are times u are left to wonder, how beautiful the world around u.. flowers and butterflies.. etc. there are times u get jealous of other ppl's kelebihan and hope that u'll have sum of deir traits without realizing that wuts more importnt in life is excepting the fact that tak semua yang kita nak, kita dapat.. sebab tak semua yang kita nak itu adalah yang terbaik untuk kita, bagi ALLAH.. ya ALLAH, kalau itu yang terbaik bagi Mu, aku redha yaALLAH.. kalau itu yg terbaik..

farewell yesterday~

• sometimes i wonder, what have i done that iv been push to a place that im not familiar in.. its kind of shocking, actually. coz the last time i lost a purse is when im standard 1 and mak was there to comfort me. i found it back, anyway. the headmaster found it for me. cool gle pengaruh mak aku. haha.
• but im a 2nd year MBBS student now.. and i dun feel telling mak, bout it.that i lost my purse yesterday. maybe somewhere near roswell or college. i don't hv a clue at all.
• the truth is, actually, im kind of rilex about it. even i did lost my whole pocket money for dis wik. i can cry, or rather, should cry. but i just told myself, ini rancangan tuhan. and i let go of my sadness. mesti tuhan tolong bila kita sabar. alhamdulillah, Allah ganti kembali yang hilang, dengan duit YM3 yg ihv not claim frm nana fawzi..=)
• and yet ironically, frm the first person till the last person that i told my purse was 'vanished', seem to response concernly and standardly, 'where was the last time i last saw/carry/etc..' instead of, do u have any money left wif u? and suddenly, i became moody and sad. because nobody ask. at least one person.. but none.
• then in the early morning, when i talk to zue bout it, i came to realize that, what ppl had done to me is the way that Allah wanted to tell me, how i was, in the past. i may not take notice of wut i responded to a dear fren who lost her/his wallet/purse but today, it struck me. it hit me...
• i must hv been the same after all. totally the same, after all.. hurm~

climb

• Climb song by hannah montanna gurl.
• dedicate to CUCMS students..esp 3rd batch.. its the climb, ppl! come on!cayo'2!

happy day

happy bdy, wanie yg berwibawe slalus, yg ke 22.. =) panjg umo, mrh rezeki... ameen. cayo2, pro xm ,k.. color2 pelangi, insyaALLAH..

how high we go in life dosen't matter.. coz at the end of the day, u need to look down, on d short comings as well...

A TWIST IN A MIDST OF DISASTER...

Doa baru

• ya Allah, aku sanggup Kau kurniakan dia, dengan seorg yang lebih baik daripadaku..
• ya Allah, aku sanggup Kau gantikan dengan rinduku padaMu.
• ya Allah, aku tak sanggup lagi hidup begini.. hidup dengan rasa senang, tanpaMu. aku tak sanggup..

sering kali saya mengamuk diam. lalu seiring itu juga tenggelam dengan dunia kosong lagi hambar. tapi Tuhan itu Maha Pengasih.. dikembalikan kekuatan dalam nurani. tanpa disedari, dunia ini dengan senang hati saya lepaskan.. tak terpengaruh, jauh sekali tertarik..

Ilmu

• today, 7 march. En Saidy, [thank you for your time, sir.. i apologize for going at first without a clear mind.. but at the end of the day, indeed, pricless ilmu gain, alhamdulillah..]as the speaker for proposal/how to be good in writing ,[7 hour] course. [which i dun realize time fly so fast]
• remind me how to write a proper proposal.
• remind me of my passion in writing..
• being a big gurl among the 1st year adorable ladies(excluding fifa=p ) nab,maddy,maryam,etc.. the Student Council team mates;harith, faizal (excellent job, faizal. well done!) , charlotte, nab, kak timah..
• greedy ashu, ate 2 plate of delicious superb nasi ayam..
• atiqah told me about the idea of establishing a debate club.. its about time, actually.. we'll do it. (she's inspired with how global bahasa melayu can be with pidato antarabangsa.. =) alhamdulillah.. bahasa yg indah dapat menyentuh hati. bahasa yg tepat dapat menundukkan musuh tanpa pertumpahan darah...)
• the worries of one man, shake me as usual.. hurm~ what solutions can i find, Allah.. help!

pliz dun take my sunshine away...

i miss u.. i wish i didn't. but i did nway.. sumtimes i hv u in my prayers.. sumtimes i remeber u the whole day. sumtimes i hate it, sumtimes i dun.. but i change. i change in a way that i can't talk to u anymore not bcoz i did not want to. but i juz really do knoe u won't like it nway. as long as ur der, i knew ur der.. dats totally fine, i guess.. pathetic dosent it. but im trying. im trying my best here not to spoil myself. spoiling myself bcoz all the love that i knew from the past is sth illusion and sinful. i might not dare recalling wut i hv done in d past.. seeing my frens with their boyfriends.. as much as i wanted to say, its wrong in Islam,dosen't mean im saying its wrong to love sumone, but as u age, as u knew more knoledge and as u hear frm other respectful ppl, i began to buy the fact that its ok not to have a lover.. thou i find other ppl to b happy wif deir partners, til one point i felt i wanted to feel those euphoria again.. but im glad i have not make my wanting to actions.. its not that im holly enuf not to have an intimate relationship, its uz those things that iv gone through, those very good ppl that iv met, those words and advise that iv heard.. those moments that hv touch my heart.. iv come to a realization that wat is haram is haram and wat is halal is halal.. and that realization or rather hidayah from god, is not given in a short time.. im searching myself.. still and won't be stoping, myself.. and this kind of realization is sth that i hav in my prayers everyday.. for each of the ppl that is near to me, to realize it the way, that i realize it; to see frm the way, my eyes see it and to feel the way like my hearts feels it... allah hu alam..

COMPLICATED LIFE SUPPORT

after a gruelling day of nervous system finals yang tak best.. sbb tak ingt bende sng mcm medullablastoma. shoot. naseb 1 marks.. pening lah. dgn pro exam lagiey. tahniahlah, ashu. nie, dah masuk disaster medicine plak.. cepatnye masa berlalu, ya allah. tak sempat2.. nie, BLS naseb best. penat tuh biaelah kan, ko complaint pon tak guna.. cherish the moment je lah. hehe.. nampak kat movies, mcm sng, org buat CPR, dapat sangkut kat prof asmadi punye station, aduh, ampun lah, tak de skill nak buat hembusan kehidupan.. hampeh betul, bile try buat dpn atiq 1st year, jadik plak. hampagas betul.. tapi xpelah, asal aku tau aku bleh buat, sudah.. alhamdulillah. dummy electrik tuh dengki tol. time org ramai lah tak nak nyala ijau kan aku. ngeh2. nway, sememangnye senang lah pape pon kan, kalo practise and istiqomah.. hehe.. Papehal, ingat ABC jer.. u won't go wrong.. =) A for airway, B for breathing and C for circulation.. agak menarik juga sebab prof gabung sekali BLs basic life support camp nie dgn pre terendak preparation.. gila lah. buat ujian kecergasan sumeh. tapi bagus gak, in d sense of, kenyakinan diri tuh perlu ada.. mcm sit up, i dun think i can do sit up, more than 24 in one minute, tapi mcm agak berterima kasih gak kat dak2 yg bagi tips, -jgn pikir.. buat jer.. dun feel the pain. dun even think about it- which is very2 very the helpful..level aku adalah very god, ok.. sbb dpt buat 44 sit up in one min.. pergh. sounded so the very funny but agak survive di situ.. pastuh ade 7 level of fitness. cis, susah gile, ok. nampak jer senang. survive sampai level before yang angkat batu tuh jer.. sampai kat angkat batu, nak tercabut gyrus aku.. udah2 ler tuh.. ow yeah, teringat pulak si aliah dgn flexible test.. sian tgk muka dia, tak leh buat time practise.. tapi time kena test dgn faci, bleh buat pulak. hehe.. bagus2.. see, boleh buat punyer. tak cube, tak tahu, ok..


jungle trekking malam tuh, mcm agak respect arr abang2 bombe sume tuh..aku rase lah korang org bombe.. tak pon, cadets mane2 lah kan.. bende nie 3rd experience lah jugak, cuma obviously, rase mcm 1st time gak every time.. hehe.. dgn si zue jadik pengiring kat belakang, plus tolong paut2 gak tangan bila terjatuh2 tuh.. thanks lah, mate. ur the best! yg klakar tuh bile dgr bro bombe tuh ckp, ade org ckp, 'boleh tak , tak lalu air nie?' omg. sgt lawak.. laen lah kalo dia ade kat situ pastuh ckp, haa,lompat dalam air tuh.. heh. malam tuh even xlarat2 pon, tidur 2.30 gak, sbb borak2 dgn midah.. hehe.. mcm2 yg kitaorg catch up kan.. xleh lah nak reveal, kang tak tercapai dek akal lah pulak.. haha.. ops~


yg plg best, mesti lah time bls kan.. tak pernah lah terpikir CPR ade macam2.. utk budak2, baby and adult.. penah belajar CPR dalam PBL time respi dulu (nama pon, block prof ikram) inagt lagi, si aliah n nana yg present tapi mcm langsong tak register kat cortex aku ape significance nye CPR in different level of size and age.. so dgn g nye camp nie, alhamdulillah, pengappreciatetan tuh mangken tinggi.. yg plg best, buat kat baby anne. hehe.. name model baby tuh, baby anne kat bag dia..bukan nubla nye baby. hehe. ade 3 station.. first station, kitaorg grup 4 kena dgn doctor ukm agaknye. lupe nama doctor tuh. tapi dia mcm power r, specialist sth, bile dia perkenalkan diri dia.. soft spoken and melayan jer bile dak2 nie tanye soalan mcm2. aku yg tanye soalan bende yg dia dah terang tapi aku tak terdengar pon dia tak marah.. hehe.. nway, first station kitaorg, 1st id kit.. mission 1st aid nie, nak stopkan bleeding and support lah mane2 yg fractured tuh.. 2nd station dn prof nasa.. prof bully , ok.. org buat compression count 1 and 2 and 3.. prof suro buat cepat2.. tapi ok je lah. 100 per minute pon..



sambung lah, sebut name prof nasa mentor ku nieh, terbayang log book tak siap lagi. folio berterabur..
sadis betul..



our days der even for awhile,but i do cherish it..
like this beautiful pink flower that i snap der, in sg merap.. even one day akan layu, but that moment yang it blooms itu, akan aku ingat smpai bile2...

BLS -basic life support session + terendak camp trailer..

DINNER PICSTURES... lalala