pliz dun take my sunshine away...

i miss u.. i wish i didn't. but i did nway.. sumtimes i hv u in my prayers.. sumtimes i remeber u the whole day. sumtimes i hate it, sumtimes i dun.. but i change. i change in a way that i can't talk to u anymore not bcoz i did not want to. but i juz really do knoe u won't like it nway. as long as ur der, i knew ur der.. dats totally fine, i guess.. pathetic dosent it. but im trying. im trying my best here not to spoil myself. spoiling myself bcoz all the love that i knew from the past is sth illusion and sinful. i might not dare recalling wut i hv done in d past.. seeing my frens with their boyfriends.. as much as i wanted to say, its wrong in Islam,dosen't mean im saying its wrong to love sumone, but as u age, as u knew more knoledge and as u hear frm other respectful ppl, i began to buy the fact that its ok not to have a lover.. thou i find other ppl to b happy wif deir partners, til one point i felt i wanted to feel those euphoria again.. but im glad i have not make my wanting to actions.. its not that im holly enuf not to have an intimate relationship, its uz those things that iv gone through, those very good ppl that iv met, those words and advise that iv heard.. those moments that hv touch my heart.. iv come to a realization that wat is haram is haram and wat is halal is halal.. and that realization or rather hidayah from god, is not given in a short time.. im searching myself.. still and won't be stoping, myself.. and this kind of realization is sth that i hav in my prayers everyday.. for each of the ppl that is near to me, to realize it the way, that i realize it; to see frm the way, my eyes see it and to feel the way like my hearts feels it... allah hu alam..