smileee

mix feelings.

collision of thoughts.
one day im fine. one day im not.
im searching for Allah in every inch of my heart.
afraid that i wont find Him.that im lost.
but our creator is always der. always.
no matter when u feel that life is heavy that it will crush u to pieces.
or if its so bright that u feel numb and cold.
even its so colorful but yet to ur eyes, its just another black n white.
happiness surrounds u.
dwelling to our deepest past.
and sumhow we are left with a tinge of fear.
fear of being abandone.
fear of being alone and lonely.
fear of sleeping and waking up with no one around us.
sounds like panic attack ey.
but having anxiety disorder is far more worth than having a silent struggle in u.
a struggle so huge that u wish it will dissapear right now in any how.
looking at the past. at the lies.
i blame no one at the end.
because in the end, its like blaming God.
who am i to question His decision.
His decision is the best. n believe it!
i choose to settle down.
i choose to live for my creator's pleasure.
i wish these eyes of mine could see only the goodness of other creations.
but at the same time this soul stay guard of other evils that may love to see
us destroy. bit by bit. and nonetheless, all wont happen by Allah's permission.
so, why afraid?
why the sad face?
la tahzan.Allah is near.closer than close.
insyaAllah:)