serius

ya, sy nak g jogathon.... esok! harap2 xde lah org bg aku the kiss of life.. ya allah, let me get thru this.. i just wanna finish (and kalo mng mcm lagik biar betul?haha) and go home... oh, yes. bg sokongan kat kawan2 YM1 lah kan.. nak gak contribute kat nur hikmah(kan, nama nye?)

a secret

thank you for being der when i need u the most...

terendak

mak, tak nak pegi! =(

the truth

i hate u.. do not hate me because i hate u. do not hate me becoz i lied. but its the truth. i hate u.. i hate u so much that i wish i didn't know u.. maybe ur juz a dream. a nitemare.. mayb ur just like the wind. a storm. u'll pass by. i'll survive... or perhaps i'll be wrecked up and dissapear.. i hate u. i wish i hate u from the beginning till the end. but strangely, i don't.. as much as there are so lots of reasons to love u.. im building walls around myself as a reminder.. that i should just hate u from the start.. i knoe, its wrong.. but wut's right? i wanna live for u.. i wanna see u smile.. and us talking the signs that only we knew.. or perhaps we knew.. i wonder u'll remember those days.. and i won't blame u if u don't recall anything.. coz the truth is, its not worth remembering either..

i know... that's y im going.. to hate myself for hating u. but its the truth. i hv to hate u. i have to..

change

i wish i cud bring change to someone's life...

its time to shine laa (jude's way of speaking..=)

i know of a secret. of somthing so glaring that fortunately no one notices. i had a past. and the secret lies in it. i have a future. but i seem not to run for it. i have only now and i seem to waste it like the wind blowing dust.. vanishes before u realize it.. i feel like giving my best, but there are always tons and tons of reasons or rather excuses that creativity allows as long as humans existed to not be doing what u have to do or need to do.. i hate my life dearly. so much that there are times im confuse.. is life this hateful that i dun like it? or i hate it becoz things are not like wat i wanted.. yes, i hate it bcoz its hard. but its bcoz of its difficulty that im smart. when ur crawling, and u try to walk for the first time when ur small, ur smart enuf to tell, that u'll gonna fall at the moment u try to stand and walk.. but ur smart also to say its ok, mum is der to catch me, its ok, as long as i try, its ok coz i wanna walk like those kids in taman.. so, im smart enuf to tell myself now, that u need and need to change.. change for the better, shahirah. change for the better!

camping my head in the jungle

• exhausted

its shocking to let urself be trap again with a memory of a camping 10 years ago.. dusun eco resort. i was there when im 12, standard 6. and god, i hate that place but i x remember y.. until one fine day, leadership camp in dusun eco resort 10 years later, 20-22nd March.. errr, i wonder y i hate dis place so much.. and the moment i step down from the bus mengharungi a 45 degree perjalanan maha dahsyat, which i wish Allah provided my trapezius with wings.. and walking to the dorms/rooms/ xde lah camp site.. it struck me.. i was damn lembap 10 years ago. i dun fit into orders yang sounds like 'ok guys, 15 mins lagi ada bla3, or, in 30 mins time i want you to get clean and we'l hae dinner here and her'.. with many ppl in one toilet.. man, i was way out of the place.maybe because it wus my 1st time. and maybe because i just dun feel like following.. i dun feel like moving when i wus suppose to move.. and having 10 years later, leadership camp pula, i dunno why, this feelings of nothing can beat u don unless u allow it is burning inside.. especially after the 45 or 50 degree zalim walk which i thank you puan nisaah for preparing myself for terendak.. 'thak you'.. but its thru dat long trail that i ponder of my life.. i tell myself that i can do it. obviously i can do it. and i relate it to pro exam and responsibilities of being a khalifah.. its hard, no doubt. its difficult, of cousre. but its the climb that matters.. the matter of giving up all ur negative thots and trust urself. yes, i can! sounds like obama dosent it, but its a wonderful experience. being able to mean what you feel and say.. (take deep breath and Allah, pliz let this be a istiqomah in me)

• making sth out of nothing

there are times u are left with decisions.. important decisions that u wish sumone better than urself can make it and realize it to reality.. there are times u are left to wonder, how beautiful the world around u.. flowers and butterflies.. etc. there are times u get jealous of other ppl's kelebihan and hope that u'll have sum of deir traits without realizing that wuts more importnt in life is excepting the fact that tak semua yang kita nak, kita dapat.. sebab tak semua yang kita nak itu adalah yang terbaik untuk kita, bagi ALLAH.. ya ALLAH, kalau itu yang terbaik bagi Mu, aku redha yaALLAH.. kalau itu yg terbaik..

farewell yesterday~

• sometimes i wonder, what have i done that iv been push to a place that im not familiar in.. its kind of shocking, actually. coz the last time i lost a purse is when im standard 1 and mak was there to comfort me. i found it back, anyway. the headmaster found it for me. cool gle pengaruh mak aku. haha.
• but im a 2nd year MBBS student now.. and i dun feel telling mak, bout it.that i lost my purse yesterday. maybe somewhere near roswell or college. i don't hv a clue at all.
• the truth is, actually, im kind of rilex about it. even i did lost my whole pocket money for dis wik. i can cry, or rather, should cry. but i just told myself, ini rancangan tuhan. and i let go of my sadness. mesti tuhan tolong bila kita sabar. alhamdulillah, Allah ganti kembali yang hilang, dengan duit YM3 yg ihv not claim frm nana fawzi..=)
• and yet ironically, frm the first person till the last person that i told my purse was 'vanished', seem to response concernly and standardly, 'where was the last time i last saw/carry/etc..' instead of, do u have any money left wif u? and suddenly, i became moody and sad. because nobody ask. at least one person.. but none.
• then in the early morning, when i talk to zue bout it, i came to realize that, what ppl had done to me is the way that Allah wanted to tell me, how i was, in the past. i may not take notice of wut i responded to a dear fren who lost her/his wallet/purse but today, it struck me. it hit me...
• i must hv been the same after all. totally the same, after all.. hurm~

climb

• Climb song by hannah montanna gurl.
• dedicate to CUCMS students..esp 3rd batch.. its the climb, ppl! come on!cayo'2!

happy day

happy bdy, wanie yg berwibawe slalus, yg ke 22.. =) panjg umo, mrh rezeki... ameen. cayo2, pro xm ,k.. color2 pelangi, insyaALLAH..

how high we go in life dosen't matter.. coz at the end of the day, u need to look down, on d short comings as well...

A TWIST IN A MIDST OF DISASTER...

Doa baru

• ya Allah, aku sanggup Kau kurniakan dia, dengan seorg yang lebih baik daripadaku..
• ya Allah, aku sanggup Kau gantikan dengan rinduku padaMu.
• ya Allah, aku tak sanggup lagi hidup begini.. hidup dengan rasa senang, tanpaMu. aku tak sanggup..

sering kali saya mengamuk diam. lalu seiring itu juga tenggelam dengan dunia kosong lagi hambar. tapi Tuhan itu Maha Pengasih.. dikembalikan kekuatan dalam nurani. tanpa disedari, dunia ini dengan senang hati saya lepaskan.. tak terpengaruh, jauh sekali tertarik..

Ilmu

• today, 7 march. En Saidy, [thank you for your time, sir.. i apologize for going at first without a clear mind.. but at the end of the day, indeed, pricless ilmu gain, alhamdulillah..]as the speaker for proposal/how to be good in writing ,[7 hour] course. [which i dun realize time fly so fast]
• remind me how to write a proper proposal.
• remind me of my passion in writing..
• being a big gurl among the 1st year adorable ladies(excluding fifa=p ) nab,maddy,maryam,etc.. the Student Council team mates;harith, faizal (excellent job, faizal. well done!) , charlotte, nab, kak timah..
• greedy ashu, ate 2 plate of delicious superb nasi ayam..
• atiqah told me about the idea of establishing a debate club.. its about time, actually.. we'll do it. (she's inspired with how global bahasa melayu can be with pidato antarabangsa.. =) alhamdulillah.. bahasa yg indah dapat menyentuh hati. bahasa yg tepat dapat menundukkan musuh tanpa pertumpahan darah...)
• the worries of one man, shake me as usual.. hurm~ what solutions can i find, Allah.. help!

pliz dun take my sunshine away...

i miss u.. i wish i didn't. but i did nway.. sumtimes i hv u in my prayers.. sumtimes i remeber u the whole day. sumtimes i hate it, sumtimes i dun.. but i change. i change in a way that i can't talk to u anymore not bcoz i did not want to. but i juz really do knoe u won't like it nway. as long as ur der, i knew ur der.. dats totally fine, i guess.. pathetic dosent it. but im trying. im trying my best here not to spoil myself. spoiling myself bcoz all the love that i knew from the past is sth illusion and sinful. i might not dare recalling wut i hv done in d past.. seeing my frens with their boyfriends.. as much as i wanted to say, its wrong in Islam,dosen't mean im saying its wrong to love sumone, but as u age, as u knew more knoledge and as u hear frm other respectful ppl, i began to buy the fact that its ok not to have a lover.. thou i find other ppl to b happy wif deir partners, til one point i felt i wanted to feel those euphoria again.. but im glad i have not make my wanting to actions.. its not that im holly enuf not to have an intimate relationship, its uz those things that iv gone through, those very good ppl that iv met, those words and advise that iv heard.. those moments that hv touch my heart.. iv come to a realization that wat is haram is haram and wat is halal is halal.. and that realization or rather hidayah from god, is not given in a short time.. im searching myself.. still and won't be stoping, myself.. and this kind of realization is sth that i hav in my prayers everyday.. for each of the ppl that is near to me, to realize it the way, that i realize it; to see frm the way, my eyes see it and to feel the way like my hearts feels it... allah hu alam..

COMPLICATED LIFE SUPPORT

after a gruelling day of nervous system finals yang tak best.. sbb tak ingt bende sng mcm medullablastoma. shoot. naseb 1 marks.. pening lah. dgn pro exam lagiey. tahniahlah, ashu. nie, dah masuk disaster medicine plak.. cepatnye masa berlalu, ya allah. tak sempat2.. nie, BLS naseb best. penat tuh biaelah kan, ko complaint pon tak guna.. cherish the moment je lah. hehe.. nampak kat movies, mcm sng, org buat CPR, dapat sangkut kat prof asmadi punye station, aduh, ampun lah, tak de skill nak buat hembusan kehidupan.. hampeh betul, bile try buat dpn atiq 1st year, jadik plak. hampagas betul.. tapi xpelah, asal aku tau aku bleh buat, sudah.. alhamdulillah. dummy electrik tuh dengki tol. time org ramai lah tak nak nyala ijau kan aku. ngeh2. nway, sememangnye senang lah pape pon kan, kalo practise and istiqomah.. hehe.. Papehal, ingat ABC jer.. u won't go wrong.. =) A for airway, B for breathing and C for circulation.. agak menarik juga sebab prof gabung sekali BLs basic life support camp nie dgn pre terendak preparation.. gila lah. buat ujian kecergasan sumeh. tapi bagus gak, in d sense of, kenyakinan diri tuh perlu ada.. mcm sit up, i dun think i can do sit up, more than 24 in one minute, tapi mcm agak berterima kasih gak kat dak2 yg bagi tips, -jgn pikir.. buat jer.. dun feel the pain. dun even think about it- which is very2 very the helpful..level aku adalah very god, ok.. sbb dpt buat 44 sit up in one min.. pergh. sounded so the very funny but agak survive di situ.. pastuh ade 7 level of fitness. cis, susah gile, ok. nampak jer senang. survive sampai level before yang angkat batu tuh jer.. sampai kat angkat batu, nak tercabut gyrus aku.. udah2 ler tuh.. ow yeah, teringat pulak si aliah dgn flexible test.. sian tgk muka dia, tak leh buat time practise.. tapi time kena test dgn faci, bleh buat pulak. hehe.. bagus2.. see, boleh buat punyer. tak cube, tak tahu, ok..


jungle trekking malam tuh, mcm agak respect arr abang2 bombe sume tuh..aku rase lah korang org bombe.. tak pon, cadets mane2 lah kan.. bende nie 3rd experience lah jugak, cuma obviously, rase mcm 1st time gak every time.. hehe.. dgn si zue jadik pengiring kat belakang, plus tolong paut2 gak tangan bila terjatuh2 tuh.. thanks lah, mate. ur the best! yg klakar tuh bile dgr bro bombe tuh ckp, ade org ckp, 'boleh tak , tak lalu air nie?' omg. sgt lawak.. laen lah kalo dia ade kat situ pastuh ckp, haa,lompat dalam air tuh.. heh. malam tuh even xlarat2 pon, tidur 2.30 gak, sbb borak2 dgn midah.. hehe.. mcm2 yg kitaorg catch up kan.. xleh lah nak reveal, kang tak tercapai dek akal lah pulak.. haha.. ops~


yg plg best, mesti lah time bls kan.. tak pernah lah terpikir CPR ade macam2.. utk budak2, baby and adult.. penah belajar CPR dalam PBL time respi dulu (nama pon, block prof ikram) inagt lagi, si aliah n nana yg present tapi mcm langsong tak register kat cortex aku ape significance nye CPR in different level of size and age.. so dgn g nye camp nie, alhamdulillah, pengappreciatetan tuh mangken tinggi.. yg plg best, buat kat baby anne. hehe.. name model baby tuh, baby anne kat bag dia..bukan nubla nye baby. hehe. ade 3 station.. first station, kitaorg grup 4 kena dgn doctor ukm agaknye. lupe nama doctor tuh. tapi dia mcm power r, specialist sth, bile dia perkenalkan diri dia.. soft spoken and melayan jer bile dak2 nie tanye soalan mcm2. aku yg tanye soalan bende yg dia dah terang tapi aku tak terdengar pon dia tak marah.. hehe.. nway, first station kitaorg, 1st id kit.. mission 1st aid nie, nak stopkan bleeding and support lah mane2 yg fractured tuh.. 2nd station dn prof nasa.. prof bully , ok.. org buat compression count 1 and 2 and 3.. prof suro buat cepat2.. tapi ok je lah. 100 per minute pon..



sambung lah, sebut name prof nasa mentor ku nieh, terbayang log book tak siap lagi. folio berterabur..
sadis betul..



our days der even for awhile,but i do cherish it..
like this beautiful pink flower that i snap der, in sg merap.. even one day akan layu, but that moment yang it blooms itu, akan aku ingat smpai bile2...

BLS -basic life support session + terendak camp trailer..

DINNER PICSTURES... lalala

steps taken..

"hidup bukan satu pilihan..mati juga bukan satu pilihan..tapi, perjalanan antara hidup dan mati adalah satu pilihan..maka buatlah pilihan yang betul dan tepat"


there are times i wish i could fake a smile or remember how great i was doing the things that i love most.. i need to change in a way that i dun care what people might say.. coz sumtims the pressure of not expecting a nice commment of your great effort can be sumthing hurtful, isn't it.. but der r sum ppl i dun expect for them to appreciate and dey said thank you, nice job and those things that i really find, amusing..

expectation..
how can u expect for love to come when the seed is not even planted.. i can say all the good things in the world, and be a great person.. but sometimes, i think i dun deserve it. things change. we have plans, alright.. allah have plans for us, too. it is Allah's plans that will sure be happening..

i wish i wanna be as sincere i cn be.. its a good lesson this week. slowly, we know, the both sides of the coin.. slowly, everything is unfolding which i find the 'old' me being critical again.. aha, i have my own instict in reading body language, alrite.. and i find its so so unfriendly in a way, everthing seems to b a waste of a time frm sumone's else eyes.. i did let go. i did. because its funny. it is. very funny until i laugh secretly. bcoz if i did not let go, that means, my level is the same the other eyes. oh no, im so not the same. dun let me like dat, allah. dun let me have their eyes of looking things~

smile! YM3 settle dah alhamdulllah~

stop n stare

im not sure, either im right, allah.. but i wish even im wrong, i still can look back and say, iv tried..

der r times, i wish im not alone.. i m not...of course, but i sudn't be greedy dun i? luv won't come if u dun gv it first... luv dn grew like a seed without land, withot water, it'll die.. maybe i wus wrong to stay unattached. to hv no names in particular that i can really say i really knew.. der r times i felt like i wanna run away and kiss gudbye to everthing and everyone who knew me.. but i keep myself waiting.. lets wait.. wait for the day that i'll stop thinking of wut i shud not been thinking.. stop doing wut i shud hv not been doing.. der r times i wish i hv no flaws.. still young and cheerful.. no responsibilities.. nothing.. dey say extraordinary people do extraordinary things.. me? im not even ordinary.. maybe its the planning. i hv no plans at all.. dey say its ok to dream.. to hav plans.. but im too worried that i stop worrying by letting the tme pass.. im glad the ppl around me r der to tag me along.. thou this world, being alone means unefficient. we need help. i need help. its hard to b alone, isn't it.. time pass by , it won't wait.. demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia itu dlm kerugian... allah, forgive me.. forgie me for not being me....

raising fund for HUKM childhood cancer

big week.. big stories.. big ideas..


1. FUND RAISING DINNER YOUNG MERCY DI GRAND SEASON HOTEL.. open for PUBLIC, RM 180.. AGAK EXPENSIVE BUT KALO ADA DUIT TUH, APE LAH SALAHNYE MENDONATE SAMBIL MAKAN KAT HOTEL FOR HUKM CHILD CANCER.. =) kata rasulullah s.a.w , yg memberi itu lebih baik drp menerima.. sape interested, boleh email shashu di 0193702431 0r youngmercy3.2007@gmail.com

its around d corner.. 8 FEB nie.. ahad.. at grand season hotel.. =) marilah beramal..


2. ku sangka panas hingga ke petang rupanya hujan pagi2 lagi... (secret affair get busted.. only dat its tragic to hear frm families.. org ketiga!again! haha.. memori silam tiba2 menyambar pula.. tak pe, eveyone ade strength and weakness masing2.. mana hubungan yg teroboh masjid nye, believe me, there is always hikmah behind apa jua yg terjadi..its for you to gali and ponder.. and never repeat again.. if u have d guts to even classify ur actions as mistakes lah.. heh.. hidup sorang pon ok.. but then wif kids and all pon, i guess ur gonna b just fine.. one day, jodoh panjang, iA ditemukan lagi dgn seorg yg diciptakan utk kita.. yg lebih baik dan lebih hebat.. iA.


3. pisang tandan umah i masuk rumah jiran.. cisss, kalo x amek nie sure mat salleh depan umah nie kebas.. b4 nie, dah 2 kali dah diaorg kebas.. so, dgn parang kontot, ibu dan saye melangkah gagah ke belakang umah, mengclaim hak kami.. haha.. (abah out station.. una dah balik cyber.. maen futsal..go CUCMS! GO BPHARM!) EVEN kalah, semangat wajib ader, ok.. =)


so, cepatlah habes YM nieh.. haha.. peace..



kepada anda2 yg terase seperti anda kurang usaha utk menjadikan dinner YM ini best, (a reminder utk saye juge) marilah bersama2 kita all out di saki baki waktu yang tinggal ini.. cayo2.. =) go YM3!!! make our dinner a one successful dinner.. amin, iA.

belum sempurna?

masa bisa pantas berlalu.
tak mahu berhenti sejenak pon untuk aku yg masih lalai mengenang hari2 lalu yg takkan berubah seperti itu jua.
pantasnya masa pergi, membuatkan aku termenung dan terpinga2.
masih adakah ruang utk aku bangkit dan mengharungi lagi hari ini.

aku mahu perpegang erat dgn teguh.
tanpa ada rasa takut dan serabut.
pada sang tali maha Esa.
aku mahu terbang bebas tapi aku mahu berpijak di bumi yg nyata.

biarlah tanah gersang ini terus gersang atau aku perlu menolak rasa malas itu jauh-jauh ke hujung dunia dan mulai mengatur langkah menyuburkan tanah longlai ini tanpa jemu dan curiga.

seperti sungai mengalir, tak menongkah arus,
hidup ini sudah tercipta dgn sekian macam peraturan Tuhan yg sempurna dan perlu diikuti dgn sabar dan patuh.
patuh bukan bermakna menurut somberono tanpa ilmu.
menurutlah dgn akal yg berfikir dan berfikir.
jawapan itu ada di depan mata.
cuma menunggu kalbu mu diselak oleh sang Pencipta atau terselak dgn arah angin yg kau cari dgn penuh tekun dan tegar. mahukah menunggu dgn penuh rela, wahai hamba yg jarang sekali bersyukur dan berfikir?

kerap kali tangisan kecil mengalir dalam hati.. mengapa aku di sini dan tak berdaya merangkak pun. atau aku tahu aku bisa berlari tapi memilih utk membiarkan diriku lemas dgn sandiwara2 dunia tanpa noktah ini.

masa terus berdetik. waktu2 emas masih lagi dlm genggaman...

satu-persatu, sahabat.

seprti bayi belajar jalan, belajar bercakap.

sabar.
sabar.
sabar.

andai aku tahu..

the silent cry of a palestin jewel

let's see

let's see what have the world decided to laugh upon nowdays..

1) 'drama' realiti abby-norman..ya allah, jauhkanlah dari jadik kat saye dan sesiape sajer yg sy kenal. ameen.

2) obama won the presidential election. welcome to white hse but does dat really matter nway, who won.. wud it b a big difference sape2 pon yg jadik presiden? but im an optimist.. not that better but may not b worst than bush. wud it?

3) reproductive system finale soalan SAQ yg sgt 'best'..

4) pencil box lame aku zip dah tanggal, so beli baru. 12 hinggit. mahal gle.

5) MERCY programme. kat KOTA TINGGI. pergh. penat+ best+ takkan dilupekan, ok..

6) bilik saye telah di renowate kepade bilik semayang jemaah which i manage to tarik aliah smayang sesame di subuh yg hening. hee, jom buat lagik jom.. dari dapat singgit baek dapat 27 hinggit kan.. =)

7) haematology block rather than CNS block sbb Haji to be Prof Nasa akan berangakat menyahut lambaian Kaabah. Prof Nasa, kami doakan Prof slamat pergi dan slamat pulang. Ameen. Doakan kami hidup dan mati dalam Islam, dan juge semua product CUCMS x kire batch dapat grad. jadik manusia bejaye dunia akhirat n insyaallah doctor and pharmacist yg bergune pd agme bangse and negare... Ameen.

god gave me an angel..

aliah musa,thank u so much.. =) im more than grateful..

MORE THAN WORDS..

for the best things in life that aren't gonna come rolling for free

iv got a terrible cough.
a 2 weeks of reflective diary logbook not yet writen even one word pon.
a weekly exm juz finished which i survived dgn jayenyer despite of freezing cold Hall1 yg hanya ALLAH yg paham betape sejuknyer mcm kat iceland.
dis weekend is a damn busy weekend. jumaat aje lah time free, and next week dah 3rd week. i find reproductive, alright sumhow.. bile ishanie tanye, u nak jadik gynae ke nanti (which i tak paham knape dia tanye tapi mayb sbb i wus so into the pregnant woman thing tuh kot) so, it keeps me thinking, frm that moment im wif her in Prof Yong's class, wud i b a gynae? pergh. dgr frm org, mcm hell on earth jer. but im sumone wif instict. im seeing myself in a place that is calm but busy. in a messy place but under control. and im seeing myself as someone who needs to be more truthful to myself. especially when im not efficient and effective. i wish to be a doctor who saves lives. i can't afford to do a mistake. and yesterday, after so long, i think my ending hav become a beginning.. well, its kinda hard to describe wut happened actually but i juz hope that i'll keep on being the more improved me. im glad that finally i realize that life is not suppose to have control on us but we as the khalifah of ALLAH should be controling our life, our NOW time and not been too worried of the future.. insyaallah, im alright, im gonna be alright..

to have an aim is not enough..
u need to hit it..

mayb dats a part of me that hv been missing.. hitting an aim.. doing plans and work on it.. things dat r simple but i juz wanna complicate it without no reasons.. lame! ashu,lame.. ergh!

whatever it is, im glad im here. where i am now.
no matter gud or bad.
im gonna stay. and never gv up.
nothing is perfect,alrite. so wut? i'll move on! i'll move on..

hope

i knoe.. i may not knoe wut is best for me.. but i juz knew wut might be the best for me. i think sth wud be best for me.. depending on my experience, my paradigm, my guts, my instict, my confidence to Allah.. may wut i thot that is best for me is also the best from ALLAH as well..

tq

sy hanya nampak satu saje skarang..
kebahagiaan.
kdg2 otak serabut dgn banyaknya masalah, hutang keliling pinggang, org sekeliling tak mahu paham kita, kita tak dapat apa yg kita inginkan.. kita tak boleh nak sediakan yg terbaik utk family, anak2-adik bradik-keluarga-saudara mara buat hal dan datangkan byk masalah pulak, dan seribu satu mcm lagi perkara yg sy kira, kadang kala tak terjangkau dek akal sejengkal utk mentafsir dan memikirkan..
punyelah byk prob..

dan sy pula semcm mahu mengiyakan kata2 ibu, ORG KEJE NIE SLALU NYE ANAK DIA TERABAI SBB DIA BALIK KEJE, DAH PENAT, KENA BUAT KEJE UMAH LAGI, NAK BUAT ITU, BUAT INI, KEJAR DATELINE.. habes sy? DOCTOR TO BE.. lagi nak berangan buat surgery.. ape2 lah yg mencabar.. and im scared.. will i suffer and let my family suffer? will i cause my family to become tak terurus juz because im working and only TUHAN jer tau betape busynye keje aku..

and u knoe wut?
asal suka sgt bagi alasan..
anak tak terurus sbb...
hutang byk sbb...
assignment mcm nie hampeh sbb...
exam fail sbb...

mmg lah kena ade sbb musabab sth happend. but sum ppl juz hang on to those excuses and langsong tak cermin diri sendri.. kalo yg dah mirror2 on d wall pon, sekadar muhasabah jer.. apa u buat utk baiki keadaan tuh?

hidup nie perjuangan.. kalau kita tak perjuangkan matlamat hidup kita yg berteraskan ALLAH dan rasul sampai kiamatlah org lain pandang rendah kat kita and kita plak defend diri sendri dgn bagi alasan,alasan,alasan..

kakak nie pandai cakap jer, tapi cakap tak serupa bikin..

ingatkan lah aku,wey..

tapi bukan kita perlu tgk apa yg org tuh cakap ke.. bukan siapa yg bercakap..
heh~

allh hu alam..

saya dah tua!

maybe i need sum space so that i'll be able to be more sabar, more qonaah..

sgt perlu bersabar rite now..

sbb i dun get wat i want..well, at least i thought i want it..

xpe, cukuplah aku merasa cukup dgn apa yg ada padaku yg diberi ALLAH kerna dia lebih tahu apa yg terbaik..

p/s: happy birthday, ashu.. welcome to the 21 club! haha..

-rewind-forward-stop-play-

dearest sayer..
how r u today? penat? aha, g rumah encik khair ekh? open house maa. yeah, dah lame tak jumpe keluarga KDBM kn? =) kak ana maken lawar. lepas rindu kat kak ana lah, dapat jumpe dia. dia kan keje kat johor.. lawyers on move. seketika terdgr cerita kajol pasal abg boy yg dh jadik magistreet, geli hati jugak. baru tau yg denda 1000 maksima meand dats d maksimum of d fine, can be lower.. hehe. ade case org curik petai pon ader. pelik betol. and bile mc ckp, aunty tak berubah, mcm tuh jer dari dulu.. (yup, mecky adelah skoolmate kamu di tkc dulu) jadi, i wus wondering of thepast and d future. of wut may have changed me. of wut will i become. and wondering ape pakcik nak amek nanti..xpernah tau and tertanye plak dia nak amek ape.. he looks fine in anything.. (tidak, sayer tidak bias.. hanyer berpendapat begitu sahajer) oh well, penat sgt. tapi makan sedap lah kan. haha. kak mai best kan, dia masak. mee bandung. yum2. mase u nak blah kan kak mai cakap, ala, cepatnyer ashu nak blah dah, tak sempat nak borak2. yup2. sayer slalu terpacul di depan umah kak mai dulu2 dan menyinggah ke dalam, melayan si ismah gediks bersekolah tadika dan berbual2 dgn kak mai, perihal anak2nyer,terutamyer si hakim waktu zaman mentah di SAS,perihal sesak2 perkare2 uia, perihal assingment sayer yg berlambak dan kehidupan.. ow ya, sy juga slalu mengadu pasal lelaki2 tak guna yg singgah dlm hidup sy. kak ana dan kak mai lah yg slalu tadah telinge mendengar. dan sy sbb dh ade dlm umah encik khair, maka dgn bestnye dpat juge makan masakan kak mai dan kak ana dan juge dibawe berjalan2 ke seantero petaling jaya dan sebagainye.. ow ya, sy rindu berbual dgn hakim dan ina.. sebab dibesarkan dlm keluarge debat barangkali, kedua2nyer walau baru umur setaun jagung, kadang2 rase mcm cakap dgn org dewase jugak.. =) encik hakim syg, nanti makcik ashu datang SAS yer.. gudluck PMR! kamu boleh genggam sijil 8A insyaallah.. i'll be praying kyddo..

nie surat 2 hala kah?
entah~

tag by syapiqq

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog

Starting time : 3.50 pm
Name : Shashu
Sisters : xde
Brothers : Shahiran
Shoe size : 7
Height : entah
Where do you live : ampang

Have you ever
Been on a plane : Yes
Swam in the ocean : penah
Fallen asleep at school : hobi
Fell off your chair :jatohkan org penah lah
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : penah
Saved e-mails : of coz
What is your room like : tak terurus
What's right beside you : kertas dan kertas
What is the last thing you ate : air sahur

Ever had
Chicken pox : dah
Sore throat : penah
Stitches : tadika-ganas gile org tolak aku
Broken nose : Nope

Do you
Believe in love at first sight : tidak lagi
Like picnics: malas.. tapi suke

Who was/were the last person
You danced with : meng kot
Last made you smile : una

Today did you
Talk to someone you like : Yes
Kissed anyone : no
Get sick : sesema
Talk to an ex : mesej rayer
Miss someone : pkck
Who do you really hate: myself

Random
Is there a person who is on your mind now : no one
Do you like your hand-writing : kdg2
Are your toe nails painted : pehal
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : no one
What color shirt are you wearing now : dark blue baru beli hehe
Are you a friendly person : for u to judge lahh
Do you have any pets : ade !! ikan emas
Do you sleep with the TV on : nope
What are you doing right now : tules blog ler, post yg ke 200 ok.haha.
Can you handle the truth : insyaallah
Are you closer to your mother or father : Maks
Do you eat healthy : yes
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : deleted, tq. haha.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : ALLAH
Are you loud or quiet most of the time : TGK MOOD
Are you confident : tgk mood..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
- maen2, g tusyen, tgk TV, weyy mane ingt dowh..

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire (in my dreams!)
- tlg org, buat yayasan rubiah(name mak), buat hospital, g haji every year dgn mak abah, sanak saudare sume org lah aku angkut, g slimming spa.. ngeh2..

5 of my bad habits
- cepat marah2, cepAT benci org, cepat suke org, makanx ingt dunia, dan byk lagiey..

5 places I am living in
- ampang je ler..

5 people I tag
- malas..xpayah ler.ekh.

raya kembali..

raya kembali menggamit rinduku pada ramadan yg hilang..
mungkin bisa merasakan sedikit kekesalan tatkala penghulu segala bulan itu melambai pergi dan aku masih lagi alpa dan membiarkan ia pergi tanpa aku berlumba-lumba mencari malam 1000 bulan..
raya kembali menggamit memori indah.. dapat baju baru, kasut baru.. duit raya berkepuk2.. kuih raya, lemang ketupat rendang.. semua ada. mungkin yang tiada, adalah diriku yang jarang sekali dapat merasakn erti sebenar syawal..

dearest ashuu, syawal menjelma, ramadan berundur, berubah lah ke arah yg lebih diredhaiNya. Kita bisa hilang semua yg baru itu sekelip mata namun jauhkan ya tuhan, dari aku kehilanganMu. Kehilangan Allah dari ingatanku..jauhkanlah ya Allah. aku tak mahu!



happy raye, happy gathering sanak saudare, lupekan silap salah, ampunkan mane yg khilaf, jom pose 6!

funny..

its funny how hurt i am when u said sth dat i dun wanna hear..
its funny how i get upset if u dun pass my expectations..

its funny how u well u read my mind..

its funny how angry i am when u turn away..

its funny how careless i am when i wus not even given a 2nd chance in return..

its funny how silly i look when im happy..for no reasons..

its funny how i forgot how important it is to appreciate family..

its funny how stupid i was when i thought a guy can made me happy..

its funny when i told sumone else to spread their wings and dun hesitate. cuz im frozen inside. cold and unreachable..

its funny to listen to sumone else dearly. like he/she is the whole world to u and yet that sumone dosent knoe it..

its funny to carry all dis hopes wif u but the truth is, ur afraid that they'll be gone first thing in the morning..

its funny the way ppl que at ATM and pray that their money will sumhow be multiplied.. i wish i cn live without too much attachment to $$$.. dosent happines lies in ur heart dat is close to ALLAH?

its funny how gud i am to compare how irrelevant sumone cn b with their undefineable actions but sumhow, im complicated too..

dear ALLAH, i knoe im not the best (yet).
but still, pliz dun let me be the WORST.. ameen!

misi: khatam al quran..

status: juz 9 setengah..
misi: lagi 21 juz..

action plan: 200 mukasurat sehari
due: 28, 29, 30..

harapan: mcm xdeharapan je nie.. iksh2..

matahari dalam hati..

its funny how ppl look forward to see sumone else.. well, its not dat funny nway, but i'll still feels dat way. when ur heart juz can't focus and all u see is juz wat u wanna see.. sumtimes its so easy to look down on others. and as well as let ppl down.. i wont let u down sounds i'll let u down nowdays.. frm paklah to our besties.. and no, im not complaining prof.. im reflecting! =) and i juz purposely put it in a form of words yg menunjukkan yg saye ini xde lah mcm seakan2 terlibat same dgn adegan2 drama swasta yg menarek hati. heh~ but then, yeah, i think, iv been making ppl dissapointed..alwez~ iv look down on ppl as well.. and as much as its no gud, its gud in a way dat, when i realized dat its no gud, i turn to ALLAH and says, god, pliz dun let me be like dis.. sume org tak perfect.. y shud i expect they r when im myself not? im having ids trouble nowdays, d feeling of not moving on.. like my feets are glued on the ground and im heavily emotional inside dat i cn explode anytime i want. but then i quit being the negative me. y shud i b negative when there is still hope? when ders sumone dat can light the smile in ur heart? (provokasi gitu..haha.) tapi betol lah kan.. and allah is always der to let u see that this life has a power. and that power dosent necessary means MIGHTY. u cn be TINY and hv a lot of power.. like ur pituitary gland.. ow yeah its tiny, but amanah ALLAH bg kat dia, masyaallah, saya tak mampu nak ucap terima kasih yg mcm mana lagi pada si kecil berkuasa besar ini.. and all of a sudden, u find happiness in the small2 things in life. yg tak perlukan duit sgt pon.. like a smile, a laughter, a walk(to remember), free gifts, kad raye, a heart to heart conversation, a satisfaction of knowing ur doing the right thing.. anything~ as long as u open ur heart as wide as u cud.. mcm jendela. cahaya takkan masuk ke dalam jendela yg tak terbuka.. i believe in dat.. u cant reach to sumone else if u shut urself. as if its so hard to let ppl in and knoe the real u.. wuts to b afraid of? well, the truth is, everyone is afraid.. but if u keep holding on to the fear, when will happiness be knocking on ur door?



matahari dalam hati, keluarlah kamu menyinari duniaku dan insan-insan yg aku sayangi...

juz give me a minute

i cn change my mind u knoe...
im not rigid..
neither a robot.
im human! perfectly created by ALLAH.
im not complaining, ur fine d way u r too..
but cn i juz be left alone sumtimes..

dun bother me lah..
im fine. d way i c it, i juz need a push.
not downhill but against the odds..
if ur dat ignorant also, then fine..

i dun mind either..
i juz wanna b brave. untuk menghadapi suatu yg tak pasti.
and to be brave, shahirah..trust ALLAH. trust in His takdir..
kun fa ya kun..maka jadi, jadilah...

im fine. juz fine~

tolong?

tolong g jogging, tolong ckp pelan2-awak perempuan, tlg buat qiam-xsusah pon, tlg abes blaja:tak nak blaja terjun laut.., tolong senyum slalu walau hati saket-tak susah pon berlakon.. tolong susun kehidupanmu..walau jalan tak bisa dipilih tapi kalau tak ada peta bukan lg susah ke? i need a compass! and tlg shuddup pasal si pendek bleh tak? aku tau r ko bukan robot tapi bleh jer merobotkan diri kan.. ahh, x guna lah semua nie.. y wud u worry? he's fine.. sgt fine! and stop gelak2 mcm xde keje ya. and melembapkan diri.. hello! dh 2nd yr kot.. and kna hentam dgn m.o mcm xde harge diri ke? owh, teradvance.. so? aha, nk behadapan dgn si dungeon master bagaimn? semua bende lupa n tak tau? gila lah.. ko nie pehal nie.. apesal ko mcm nie. mun pon complaint tau. asal ko ske marah2? x leh terima elok2? mcm lah bgs sgt.. argh! x bgs langsong-langsong.. and those faces! well, i knoe. im d black sheep of d family and maks, im sori.. sy lupe. sy hebat.. semua org pon hebat. juz gv up and bodo tak tau lupe diri! haha. der,der.. chins up dowh. ur fine d way u r!

today...

today.. i juz knew u'l wear wat u wear..
today.. i tried not to see u as close as my heart wanted to.
today, i tried to hate u and as usual i forgot at the moment i saw u smile.
today, i assume ur looking at other ppl thou i wus sky hoping ur eyes r on me..
today, i brush u aside frm my deepest hollow. which was cool coz it means im moving on..
today, is a suddenly day. all of the sudden der is a irritating shhhhhh and the window comes down and there i go again.. dearest stereotype value of a one hand no sound.. wake up, big heart.. everything will b juz fine.... =)

papa@syapiqq

papa ku.. selamat hari jadi dan selamat lekas sembuh.. amin!

u say wut?

any doubts?

ergh! wut d? i hav absolutely no doubts ok.. i assume!!!! and dats a biggie difference between the two! sape pedulik either ur der or not or how close i am to u or how much i care? wus it alwez ok for u not to care at the first place pon wusn't it? hello... like im dead without u? im fine, without u.. absolutely. obviuosly!!!

ITS BEEN LONG...

SINCE I TALK TO PILOT.MENG.CHIP.ESOH.NANA.MC.KAJOL.UIA PPL.MIDAH.ZAZU.

SINCE IV BEEN BANNED.

SINCE I HAD AN ICE CREAM

SINCE I WENT TO COLLEGE.

SINCE I EAT KETUPAT.

SINCE I ATE AYM PERCIK.

SINCE I HAD A GREAT LAUGH

SINCE I WENT TO D MOVIES

SINCE I WATCH HOUSE

SINCE I WENT FOR UMRAH..

SINCE I BLK MY EX DRIVER'S KG

SINCE I CALL SUMONE..

SINCE I KNEW WAT I WANTED TO DO..

I LOST MYSELF OUT OF NO WHERE..

storm, go away

brain storm..

in dedication to the any survivors of a disaster make it cancers or heart brake or accidents.. allah always reminded us in a different ways.. live life to the fullest!

allah,ampunkan aku atas kurangnya kekuatan yg aku ada..

u knoe sth that i dun..

i dun wanna knoe y u choose the choice ur determine wif..
ur uncomfortable?
heh. u dun hv to tell me.. i cn tell dat. body lnguage speaks alrite~

rabu bla3

wutever!

dearest pkc

u knoe ur my favourite kan.. and still ur d cakap bende penting je type. which i hv dis love-hate perception of but then, i dun regret nemore, u knoe.. i dun hv dis, y,y, like dat so much dah like imune sudah dgn hoe halimunan u cn be sumhow.. heh. i miss those days lah. when i cn juz be volatile and scream ur name.. and those moments where u watch me eif me unknowing.. dat wus cool. well, at least for me.. sum ppl said, forget u and i said, yeah i shud but its easier said then done u knoe.. how cud i? d moment seeing u is like menang loteri, ok. haha. and when u smile, i felt like the whole world is smiling to me. jeez. yeah, exaggeration but the truth is the truth alrite.. and ur like my super big awesome brother tau. whom i really listen to. whom i hear not because u made me to but because i wanted to. and its alwez easy when ur around.. it alwez does.. i love making fun of u, tau.. heh. coz i felt like it. making faces at u is all neutral. and im so not afraid of those eyes ok! i adore dem.. haha. yeah, wutever. wutever,pkc. wutever~

no more

bye2 dearest. u cant tell the difference, i knoe.. but wuts importnt is d way u look urself. not wut they thot.. serius? naah. i juz wanted to believe that way.. u may hv ur own belives and opinions and u knoe wut, sumhow i dun care nemore.. it alwez been for other ppl.. i wanted to do dis for me! i wanna do it cuz i wanna do it and i dun wanna hesitate doin it juz because u find it weird! daa!!!!

puase already? how fast is dat... hurm. and final is coming.. allah, help!

puasa

curik food masa kecik then pretend puasa.
puasa setengan hari adalah pencapaian yg sgt besar.
bila 1st time peod and tak boleh puasa sgt best sbb tak payah puasa.
pg bazar ramadhan adalah trip yg maha wajib.
makan smpi buntal adalah routine favoutism.
smayang terawikh terpakse sbb sume org buat.
tido sepanjang hari.. gile betol.
waktu berbuka sgt best esp bck in tkc.. sgt best.


that wus then, now i look forward for a better me in a ramdhan yg mungkin entah sempat atau tidak aku dakap.. ya allah panjangkanlah umur kami semua dalam menerima hadiah ramadhan ini.. amin!

attack

ATTACK MODE..



MUTATED.




TRANSFORMED..

goiter

im not sure. where to start. i love history. i love math. but never biology act. its not easy. so i dun like it. so wats easy? i juz find it easy. talking is easy. english is fun. languages.. travelling is fun. but u must asked me y im here then. i did not decide it myself. i juz agreed to follow. i dun like complicated thngs but being complicated is much easier and fun than simple and lame.. so y trouble urself wif sth that does not drive u wild wif passion? im not troubling myself. i juz dun push myself. wif history, its der. u dun hv to read, u cn juz listen. my mum is suprb in history. i got A1 because she was der, to make it easy for me. she analyzed past Qs and check my work.. a sth dat no ordinary scholl teacher wud attend me to. math wus easy cuz sensei wus der. he help me by giving out jalan kerja yg maha senang and yes, he made thngs easier to understnd.. and now im here. wif no help n im not looking for help either.. jeez, u genius, now i see y i hate myself for hating dis exmfriday routine.. cuz i nvr find it to b easy... like d morning whee isha nana and beqs fight to knoe wuts positive wuts negtive.. i dun gv a damn.. its hard when everyone thinks its easy... and u dun~

wut dosnt kill u makes u stronger

dis week is killing me. nxt week final.. yeah right!

again

again.. not again!

WE.US.KAMI.

its not about being praised or right. its about thinking. its about another ppl's life. its about responsibility. its about helping each other in the quest of fi sabilillah. its about how u appreciate others and respect their opinion or consider it for a moment.. its about being urself. its about letting go ur hesitation. its about understanding not the problem but the solution.. its about having ideas and not keep it to the graveyard.. its about asking why and feel thrill of why ur asking it.. its not about the answer but wut trigger u to question.. its not about pushing other ppl to b the best but to support dem no matter low or high, its not about the time but how fast can u do it, its not about decision, its juz a matter of what choices u r with.. its not about new stuffs that u wear or wut nice food u had for lunch but its about being thankful that cn afford it where as millions of other ppl cn only dream of wut we hv.. its not about the complicated facts that we understand but grasping the simple principles till death u wont forget.. its bout caring. how true is nurturing the passion to care.. the college CUCMS motto. u need to care for urself. for ur parents. ur siblings. ur relatives. ur friends. children. society. cuz we will one day be sick. so does our loves ones. tell urself, its alwez not why are we stuck with our sickness, with our problems, but how we see the problem. see it in a positive manner. see it in a heart that bersangka baik pada ALLAH. it wud be hard to accept the truth. true. but it wud be easier if cn accept thngs the way it is and juz stop complaining why it happened to us. it dosent matter. life must go on! i want to live. i hv mny dreams. old ones fall, new ones arise.. im lacking of the sense of putting myself to the next level..

shashu dear, u hv wings! FLY!!

Michelle's simple yet beautiful speech at the Democratic National Convention

“The Barack Obama I know today is the same man I fell in love with 19 years ago,”

- i wonder who i wud b mentioning lah, 19 yrs later..2027, and im 40 y.o.. haha. allah, im scared. i hv mny flaws. im used to be help. im used to be pampered. im used to b silly. will der b sumone out der who wud feel he's falling for me like he did like '19 yrs ago' thng.. heh. wondering~ -


we listened to our hopes instead of our fears. How this time, we decided to stop doubting and to start dreaming.”

-fears haunted me recently. of wut othr ppl thot. of my desire of wanting to erase wut ppl thot of my action. the burden of me accusing myself of wut i thot and assume as my fault..but i shud juz stop doubting as well.. its never a crime in dreaming. and to make d dream come true, pliz for god sake shahirah, work very hard in pleasing ALLAH and urself. its been awhile uv not shown ur true potential. it need to be let out for more potentials to emerge.. huh?-

“Just don’t screw it up, buddy!''michelle wud hug obama and said dis when he looked nervous b4 giving speech..heh.

-dis one, its a hope. my hope.maybe one day i'l hear frm sumone dat i wanted to hear frm without being scared that he wud turn away whn i needed hm d most...-

is it because it is just it is or is it not?

he told me 3 thngs dat i'l remember til death.

1. not to repeat wut i thot wus wrong. 2. to influenced millios of others on gud rather than being influenced by one silly thing. 3. i control my life. either to live well or end it. i hv d power. not other ppl. not anyone else.

and wif that. i juz felt i cn go thru anythng. hw weird it is to agree on dis one particular person dat i so hate and yet fallen deeper more and more everyday. whch of course i'l try to deny. i closed the door. its no way he'l open nway but i still wont unlock it. in case he cares to search for the key. Allah, let him hv d key! plizz...

Samia Yusuf Omar

“I have my pride,” she said through a translator before leaving China. “This is the highest thing any athlete can hope for. It has been a very happy experience for me. I am proud to bring the Somali flag to fly with all of these countries, and to stand with the best athletes in the world.”

“Sports are not a priority for Somalia,” said Duran Farah, vice president of the Somali Olympic Committee. “There is no money for facilities or training. The war, the security, the difficulties with food and everything – there are just many other internal difficulties to deal with.”

That leaves athletes such as Samia and 18-year old Abdi without the normal comforts and structure enjoyed by almost every other athlete in the Olympic Games. They don’t receive consistent coaching, don’t compete in meets on a regular basis and struggle to find safety in something as simple as going out for a daily run.

As Samia came down the stretch in her 200-meter heat, she realized that the Somalian Olympic federation had chosen to place her in the wrong event. The 200 wasn’t nearly the best event for a middle distance runner. But the federation believed the dash would serve as a “good experience” for her. Now she was coming down the stretch alone, pumping her arms and tilting her head to the side with a look of despair.

Suddenly, the half-empty stadium realized there was still a runner on the track, still pushing to get across the finish line almost eight seconds behind the seven women who had already completed the race. In the last 50 meters, much of the stadium rose to its feet, flooding the track below with cheers of encouragement. A few competitors who had left Samia behind turned and watched it unfold.

As Samia crossed the line in 32.16 seconds, the crowd roared in applause. Bahamian runner Sheniqua Ferguson, the next smallest woman on the track at 5-foot-7 and 130 pounds, looked at the girl crossing the finish and thought to herself, “Wow, she’s tiny.”

“She must love running,” Ferguson said later.

Several days later, Samia waved off her Olympic moment as being inspirational. While she was still filled with joy over her chance to compete, and though she knew she had done all she could, part of her seemed embarrassed that the crowd had risen to its feet to help push her across the finish line.

“I was happy the people were cheering and encouraging me,” she said. “But I would have liked to be cheered because I won, not because I needed encouragement. It is something I will work on. I will try my best not to be the last person next time. It was very nice for people to give me that encouragement, but I would prefer the winning cheer.

She shrugged and smiled.

“I knew it was an uphill task.”

And there it was. While the Olympics are often promoted for the fastest and strongest and most agile champions, there is something to be said for the ones who finish out of the limelight. The ones who finish last and leave with their pride.

At their best, the Olympics still signify competition and purity, a love for sport. What represents that better than two athletes who carry their country’s flag into the Games despite their country’s inability to carry them before that moment? What better way to find the best of the Olympic spirit than by looking at those who endure so much that would break it?

“We know that we are different from the other athletes,” Samia said. “But we don’t want to show it. We try our best to look like all the rest. We understand we are not anywhere near the level of the other competitors here. We understand that very, very well. But more than anything else, we would like to show the dignity of ourselves and our country.”

She smiles when she says this, sitting a stone’s throw from a Somalian flag that she and her countryman Abdi brought to these Games. They came and went from Beijing largely unnoticed, but may have been the most dignified example these Olympics could offer.


=) hopes. where ever u are.. lives on!

quoted frm:http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/track_field/news?slug=cr-

mirror mirror on the wall

me to the mirror:


i guess its u and me for now..
juz u and me~

sape ckp?

jgn ckp mcm u knoe who i m, wut i thik, wut i feel..

who d hell lah..u thnk u r!

dun assume dat i did it bcoz...bla3.

i hate dat.

i really do!

guess

i guess dis is how it feels like to fall then stuble on sahara dessert like without anything but only urself. funny. i used not to b influenced. but dis time, i failed. the thot of me letting go is so scary dat i pretend not to know wuts going on. so i keep myself running. well, u wud laugh. shook ur head and say dat im silly but yeah. i am. silly. so silly dat i admitted. im sure its a little thng for u. but its very huge for me. i feel like not eating. not laughing. i feel like empty. i feel like the whole world is going against me. and for the thot that i gave up made me feel like im so so confused. yes, im confused. wut shud i do. pray to allah dat everone hav kelupaan ingatan of wut had happened. let everyone forget allah. juz let dem forget. pliz!

dah mati agaknyer

satu tarikh dlm kalender ini sy akan padam.padam dari ingatan yg sgt dalam.

shahirah. jgn ingt.tak payah.tak perlu. jgn jadi makino buat cookies untuk tsubasa hati batu.

tak perlu.

dlm movie boleh.

ini realiti.tak payah.xperlu.

ok? promise?

promise!

teringat

takdelah.
sy silap.sebenarnye.sume org pon..
dia bukan ali.tak.dia bukan.
ali bukan begitu.
walau sy bukan fatimah.
sy tau ali bukan begitu.
ali ada perasaan simpati juga.
ali akan ckp terima kasih.
ali takkan malu utk sebut terima kasih.
tak akan!

DLM PEMBAIKPULIHAN

proses peralihan ion-ion egoistic kesukaan kpd lupakan sahaja mode. bangun dari tdo yg pnjg sudah cukup payah dari menatap wajahmu yg samar dalam terang itu. ala, ada byk lagi masa. ingt aku takut ke? tak pernah. aku nmpk shj fragile tapi tidak lah. aku tak menyesal sikit pon.

paradox

tok ayah co-pilot..

wut makes u hpy may make me sad, n wut makes me overthrill may make u feel agitated.
oh well, its ok.. it dosent matter pon. yg penting, i understnd u.and u undrstnd y. kalo x phm pon buat2 phm je lah.jadilah rakyat msia yg berbudi bahasa. terima kasih~

99

2nd week num 1.
3rd week num 1.

im not der yet but im sure not gonna bck down nw..
not juz yet, allah..

i need antidepressant

cn i go now?

are we der yet??

broken promises

mekah-japan-straight As-deans list-aurat-boys over frens-kurus-humbility-work hard-greener earth-dakwah-debate-gossips-pretender-murai-jun matsumoto-zazu-barney-nyonya-senget pendengaran-tgnu-sbh,swk-anwar's son-askar seblah rumah-haji-thailand-olympic-kawen b4 30-kurus-amirul-photographer-suicide ambition-black baby kindergarden-frens forever-diet-wake up early-deans list-volunteer jawab Qs- being ashame of who i am-baby baby-no holding cuddling-liar,liar-who cares??

not again

yes,yes. i wus wrong, but so wut?

wus i stupid enuf to do it if i knew it wus wrong? and u thot i wus wrong. i wus a failure. but i dun thnk i am.
and i dun bother wut u thnk bout me. u dun even bother to help. so now y concern?

hellooo, i hv nothng against u lah, as usual, ur alwez right.. alwez. sokmo betol. fine! but wut irritated me d most wus that i wus not that eager either lah. i dun thnk so!

i wus playing wif time till sumone real enuf came along.. not that im telling ur fake but u are! u are anyway. takut bayang2 sendri. oh yes, acted over frenly like u knoe who we r afte several days together? helllooo.. 21 years lah babe. xde lah bodo sgt nak predict. fine, im big enuf to tell lah. and im so glad well, at least i knew that u knew wuts goin on.. and i wish u all de best.

ow yes, all the best!!!!

di sana sy adalah sy

di sini kita bermula
ok. come to a calmer region.

dis line caught me up.. thinking..

-di sini kita bermula-

iv been to a gud skool.d best.iv make my mum proud.my dad.my brother.i knoe he is. even he grumbles alot when mum alwez come and visit me every weekend.but i knoe he's proud of me. the whole family is. dey send me on my very first day. everyone..wif each hope.high hope.bright smile. but im too young to understand. and i let dem down sumhow.im sorry.i'll fix dat up.i promise.

i wus damn terrified.dat day.. so unfamiliar. i can't even go and shower myself. coz im afraid i guess. and mak hv to wait. oh yes, she teman me pg toilet. mandi.. get dress up. and then i wus like holding on to her like a glue, and mak? are u sure im gonna be here for five yrs? i dunno how to iron. i dunno how to wash my clothes. i dunno how to confront d pakcik kantin or watever.. and i'll miss tv. i juz can watch one when im f4.. and the seniors. dey'll like so unpredictable. and sports day. i cried not bcoz im homesick.but bcoz im tired.haha. and my books when im f1 are like a pile of hills. coz i believe out of sight is out of mind. i wus wrong.i dun apply dat nemore. and i dun mind at all, helping my dear grown up sisters wif watever dey ask me too. i luv to do it actually. i nvr had a sister nway. wat else? and der's ed. starter. grad nite. frenship day. d last one however.sigh..bowling trip. eic.archery. surau.naqibah. my wavy f4 honeymoon year. pmr studying late at nite and bcoz of dat, i hv to wear specs. i hate wearing specs.felt ugly. heh. my fault. was't amanah to my eyes. shud have a gud sleep back then n no tangguh in revising which is already my old habit die hard thing..

i wish dat i cud juz lay at d field. close my eyes and hear to d wind. to d leaves falling down. birds soaring up high. and hear to d mighty frongs mumbling scatterly. or play swimming pool after rain or scream to my lungs out wif cheersongs. or juz watch d band ppl or cadets practise.cool.smart. pride. all combine to one.f5.spm.. supper. nyum2. lounge. and all d ppl around me having super powers. myself, a treasurer. im bad in holdind money. worse than worst but ppl juz dun care i guess. dey knoe i'll b responsible if anythng happend.maybe, and i apologize to d batch after me, holding d treasurer post. i left 0sen in d account. sorry.deeply sorry.

oh yeah. chatting. we go wild on d net. meeting unknown ppl dat we admire frm far.. i met sumone too. which i tend to forget now. he's easy to replace but i wud remember him sumtimes when i saw his bear. or watever time dat reminds me of him.but of course,der's no feeling anymore.it's empty. it's gone. it's not like school days anymore. i can talk to him for hours. hundred bucks is like nothnig. it's expensive when im f5. d telephone bills. masyaallah. my mum wus damn worried wif me but i yell back at her.

mayb dat's one of d reason my spm is like one stupid result.ugly, horror and terrible hell. it's not as perfect as adaw or waba or anny or meng or pnut or whoever.. u guys rock. im proud to b ur frens.. and for d rest of d batch who got spm lebeh kurang i am, we'r not stupid. we juz dunno wat we hv done to ourself bck then.. maybe we r wrong. here n der.

but i dun hv a complete definition regarding failure.

it's ok. ini takdir yg sudah pun berlalu. takdir inilah juga yg membawa kita di sini.. bila meninggalkan tempat ini pun aku masih terase mesranya si lembut bayu menyambut aku di kala pertama kali aku menjejakkan kaki di bumi merbah ini.bumi agung. sang mentari tersenyum mempelawa aku untuk mencari erti hidup di sini. di akhirnya aku yg lalai ini yg telah manghancurkan aku sendiri. tapi aku tahu. ada hikmah di sebaliknya. di sini kita bermula. cuma aku hanya terkenang saat indah.suka duka kita yg bergelar kita. kita adalah kita. rindu sungguh nk kembali ke masa lalu.

rindu itu jugalah yg menggigit setiap inci tubuhku utuk menjadi lebih baik.lebih maju.

yg mendesak aku utk membuktikan yg aku bukanlah seorg yg pengalah.

kerna kita mmg yg terbaek. tiada persoalan di situ.

cuma bila dan di mana kita berjaya..itu persoalannya.

kejarlah impian. hidupkan mimpi. bukit merbah sudah jadi saksi. di sini kita bermula....

puase adalah merdekakn diri drp nafsu jahat

kan? =)

it ain't over till its over

uuuuuuuuu.. hell yes!

true?

Someone's unique magnetic charm is going to draw you in today, but make sure you're not drawn too far too fast! Charm is a mighty powerful substance, and it can distract you from important things that you need to take care of. Have your fun, but don't lose sight of your responsibilities, today. If you indulge too much in flirting or goofing around, you could lose something very valuable to you. So have a good time, but don't lose your focus on what really matters.

never knew horoscope can kebetulan betul.. =)

Sometimes....

Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down..

dis is so me.

allah, help!

menang sorak kampung tergadai

lihat ke dlm dasar hati..

aku rebah. lemah sungguh.

aku sombong. bodoh sombong..

tuhan. aku alpa. aku takbur.

aku pandai cakap. sedap dengar.

tapi kosong..

sy kosong sungguh dalam..

hilang.

ya allah, ampun.

api sudah makan diri.

tak ape. bertahan..

impian sy masih byk. sabar2..

wut d?

wut d?

iksh.

menyesal+terkilan

sgt sedih sbb sy tau tapi sy buat jugak

sy sedih

sgt sedih

tapi sy takkan benarkan hypothalamus secrete ACTH

sabar

sabar

listen to wut ur thinking

ur thinking can listen too

hello world, i wish all d gud thngs, i juz wanna wuts gud for me, make it gud or bad. der, well, said...

gudnite nobody~

dey knoe me

dey knoe me..

gunung hutan belantara itu kenal saya. siapa saya.

sy shahirah.

prof doc shahirah shuaib..

lantak lah kau nak marah..

kau tak kenal aku sape.

tak ape.. i dun need ur approval..

i dun need nemore.

bak kata u, tak payah, tak perlu!

ya, ya. tau lah...

tak perlu bgtau!

there...

i wish u love... in ur heart~

no matter wut happen...

i still carry dis burden.

xpe, it'l fade away.

dun worry=)

jalur tak gemilang

masalah. mana tempat yg tak ada masalah. nak or tak nak selesaikan jer. byk sgt tgn yg campur aduk pon susah juge. hurm. masalah yg timbul dalam mencari penyelesaian itu pon mcm susah juga ya. pening2. stress~ merdeka dari penjajah tapi mcm terjajah jer. cakap melayu pon tak nak. cakap english tak pandai tapi dok gigih jugak pulun. kaya pon hasil tindas org lain. x best betol.. kalo hasil usaha sendiri pulak, dah on the top, lupa diri pulak. sombong.. mcm lah semua yg allah bg pinjam nie kekal. nikmat merdeka. allah bagi pinjam je ok.. tak sedar kot. hantar kat palestin ke, kemboja ke, haa, baru tau seksa pemerintah kuku besi. baru tahu lah agaknye nak sujud syukur, im a malaysian. apa yg terjajah? apa yg menjajah? mungkin yg menjajah itu pon tak sedar yg dia menjajah. dan yg terjajah lagi terok. suka pula dijajah.. kalo yg dijajah itu jahil, ade lah juga maaf nye. tapi yg terjajah itu pandai. khatam quran 10 kali, mengaji universiti ternama, dean list, budi baik, tapi akhlak?

wah, mata jengil. kamu tuh? bagus sgt? akhlak bagus sgt ke? smayang cukup? bn qiam?

eh. kita pulak kena. kau tuh terase ke? aku buat reflection untuk sedarkan diri sendiri jugak! hampeh...

taken aback

TANGGAL 21 Ogos merupakan tarikh yang amat penting dalam lipatan sejarah umat Islam. Apa tidaknya, Pertubuhan Persidangan Islam atau lebih dikenali dengan OIC lahir kerana insiden 21 Ogos. Apakah yang berlaku sehingga persidangan ini tercetus?

Pada 21 Ogos 1969, seorang lelaki berbangsa Australia bernama Dennis Michael Rohan telah membakar Masjid Al- Aqsa. Api menyala besar dan membakar tembok serta mimbarnya yang besar (mimbar Solahuddin).

Api marak dengan dahsyat sekali seolah-olah seluruh Masjid Al-Aqsa akan musnah ketika itu. Sehinggakan pihak bomba juga tidak hadir menghulur bantuan. Tetapi Allah s.w.t telah menyelamatkan Masjid Al-Aqsa dan melindunginya. Akhirnya api dapat dipadamkan.
Setelah itu orang-orang Yahudi membuat pengadilan pura-pura terhadap Rohan. Lucunya, Rohan mendakwa bahawa dia diutuskan oleh Allah untuk melakukan pembakaran itu, bersesuaian dengan berita dari Kitab Zakaria.

Apa yang menyedihkan kemudiannya ialah Yahudi membebaskannya dengan mengatakan Rohan ‘gila’, dengan kata lain, tidak waras.

Maka, atas sebab itu, Rohan tidak dapat dipertanggungjawabkan atas kejadian tersebut. Bertitik-tolak insiden menghinakan itu, negara-negara Islam di seluruh dunia bangkit mempertahankan tempat suci mereka dan mengecam perbuatan keji terhadap Al-Aqsa.
Maka sejak itu, 21 Ogos tanpa gagal diangkat sebagai Hari Al-Quds sedunia. Ia disambut sebagai tanda memperingati tragedi pembakaran masjid Al-Aqsa.

Tragedi tersebut merupakan catatan sejarah yang paling menyedihkan dalam sejarah umat Islam. Masjid Al-Aqsa yang begitu suci itu dihina sedemikian rupa.
Tidak menghairankan apabila semua umat Islam seluruh dunia ‘terbakar’ hati dan perasaan mereka kerana tindakan Rohan, 38 tahun lalu. Begitulah nasib Tanah suci umat Islam yang ketiga setelah dihuni oleh rejim Zionis.

Perlu diingatkan, isu Masjid Al-Aqsa ini ada hubung kait dengan hal-hal Palestin. Maka selayaknya, isu Palestin ini merupakan isu yang dipertanggungjawabkan bagi sekalian umat Islam. Satunya kerana, kedudukan Masjid al-Aqsa sebagai Tanah Suci ketiga dalam Islam. Selebihnya ia merupakan kiblat pertama umat Islam selain menjadi bumi didiami para Nabi serta pusat pemerintahan dunia Islam seperti yang dirakamkan dalam hadis Rasulullah.
Bagi masyarakat bukan Islam, isu Palestin menggambarkan ketidakadilan dan kezaliman rejim terhadap bangsa Palestin yang perlu sama-sama dibela dan diperjuangkan.

Hari ini Palestin berada dalam tangan rejim Zionis yang telah merampasnya daripada tangan umat Islam.
Akibatnya, umat Palestin telah dihalau keluar, dizalimi, ditindas, dikambinghitamkan, dipenjarakan dan dibunuh. Nasib yang melanda umat Islam Palestin memerlukan pembelaan dari seluruh umat Islam.

Sebagai usaha pembelaan dan kepedulian, maka Hari Memperingati Al-Quds atau Remembrance of Al-Quds (ROQ) merupakan sebuah gagasan yang menjadi simbol solidariti umat Islam di Malaysia terhadap umat Palestin.

thanx mpt. u reminded of sth so valuable...

admitted

it took me quite some time to finally realize the whole situation is like.. i juz can't admit my weakness.. id rather ignore it and pretend not to knoe.. because i refuse to admit that im all negative and refuse to move forward and improved myself. i told myself everythng is fine whereas its so not true. i need so many thng to improve alright but i juz dun care. need to work harder, need to exercise but i dun feel like doing all those.. tahu apa yg nak dikejar tapi tak rase mcm nk mengejar! tak rasa. sy mati di dalam. mati..

there. i admit oledi. one pathethic ashu, coming right up....

14 hari

14 hari yg penuh suka duka. sy berperang dgn perasaan sendiri. aku manusia juga. jerit satu suara. terpekik kata hati, x apa. ada hari,hari kamu. ada hari, hari dia. tapi aku mcm sudah penat benar. sy penat. aku pon penat. sy tau awak penat tapi sabarlah. semua ini bukannya sia-sia. percaya lah..

hope

der is alwez hope..

kamu tuh suka sgt tenggelam sgt dgn masalah sendri. yg kdg2 bukan masalah pon. org laen, tido kelaparan, berbumbungkan bintang, bertemankan ketakutan.. kamu relax je. makan sedap. rumah ada, kaki ada, tangan ada, semua cukup.. melebar lagi ada.. itu pon mengeluh. takut gemuk. gemuk tak cantik. bukan mengeluh lambat belajar ulang kaji atau dosa berlambak. gugup bila fikir malu orang tahu sapa kamu. apa kamu kata. dan semua benda tak menarik yg tak menarik kalo org yg menarik tahu. ergh. tolong lah.. cukup sangat lah dgn wajah pura-pura dan hati yg plastik. hormon2 dlm badan sudah mungkin menyampah dgn kerja keras mereka yg sia-sia. sia-sia melayan kamu yg memanggil mereka kerna kamu stress bila zazu x beri respon? mcm mn dia nk bg respon? stimulus kamu bodoh sgt. ya, jgn marah lah. mmg bodoh, ok.. ya, kamu bodoh. tapi apa nak buat. benda dah jadi. kamu rasa tak dihargai? oh, x perlu.. buang jauh2 rasa yg tak perlu itu. buat2 lah selalu berdoa meminta pada tuhan, ya allah, berilah aku merasa cukup dgn apa yg aku ada.. sbb mmg dah cukup pon. apa yg tak cukup ialah usaha kamu. apa malas sgt nie? apa sense of curiosity kamu, nama mamat yg cute di seberang jalan sana sahaja kah? apa sense of tertanya2 kamu hanya tertumpu pada apa warna baju zazu pakai sahaja kah? arghh.. bosan lah. tau tak bosan tuh ape? kdg2 kan stress dgn kamu ini. ya, stress. stress yg bukan sikit. eh, jgn marah pulak dan bertanya kenapa. cuba tanya diri sendiri dulu.. kenapa!!!

kenapa?

entah lah awak. sy hilangkan lagi tujuan hidup yg sy gantung di dada langit. sy gelapkan lagi awan biru itu. lalu hujan turun dan kabus menyelubungi. sy pandang kanan dan kiri semuanya berlumba-lumba menggapai bintang dan saya masih dgn batang kail yg lusuh dan usang berpura2 memancing tapi laut sudah lama kontang.. topi berfikir yg saya beli di pasar sudah rosak. rosak sungguh sampai buntu saya. di mana jalan keluar? kenapa? kenapa saya membiarkan kamu memarahi saya.. tak ape. marah lah. sy rindu untk dimarah. sy rindu utk dibebel. sy rindu nak dgr suara-suara itu terjerit terpekik dgn gelagat sy yg barangkali tak berkenan di hati mereka. tolong lah. tolonglah pulas telinga saya dan seret saya ke meja yg tinggi itu. tak ape. sy rela. sy mahu diperlakukan begitu.. saya hendak kamu perhatikan sy. sy wujud lah. kenapa biarkan sahaja? sbb sy dh besar tak perlu disuruh2?
ya lah. sy dh besar. x usah peduli. ya, tak perlu. terima kasih!

66

kalo terbalik kan best.. =)amin..go 99! prof, u 100. i 99 ok? hee..=)