running again

interesting.



left my hp at home. and nzri had left me infront of clinic. omg.

and another omg when there is no one in the ward!



am i dreaming? nope.



at 10, mdhs and the clan wus arnd.



and i did hv a gud day in the f ward. am still not goin yet to m ward sbb paranoid? hurm..

need to break the barrier soon as well as visit the wisma kayu asap as well as dig out more infos for role play for this coming community project!

yee ha. life is busy again! =)

tarik nafas dalam2...GO!

hari ini seperti hari2 yg lain.
aku belajar utk terima diri aku seadanya.
dlm byk perkara yg aku left undecided.. seperti nak makan malam ke tak hari nie, atau buku apa yg patut aku pikul bawa balik, pukul berapa nk pegi kelas, dan bla bla bla.

tak menarik langsung.

kenapa lah tak boleh, yes, this and this. then next and next then that and that.

sebab tuh mak aku orang yg plg best dlm dunia nie.
dia tahu apa dia nk buat.
and even mak aku bukan lah doctor or PhD ke hape.

dia just mak aku jer. and dia tahu apa dia nak dlm hidup dia.

geez. jealousy seyh.

i wish i knew what i wanna do. and want what i want to do...

jauh beza tuh, babe..

ya allah, pass kan lah surgery posting hamba mu yg lemah dlm anatomy ini.. amin...

hope

i knoe.. i may not knoe wut is best for me.. but i juz knew wut might be the best for me. i think sth wud be best for me.. depending on my experience, my paradigm, my guts, my instict, my confidence to Allah.. may wut i thot that is best for me is also the best from ALLAH as well..

it dosent matter nemo

it dosent matter nemo
wut dey thot
wut dey said
cuz i cn nvr get everyone to understnd..
wuts going on.
im letting go of all sorts of possibilities dat might happened
i do not wnt to expect anything
cuz if i failed, it wud be d saddest day to tell myself dat dis is not wut i hav had expected of...

so, i hv no hopes..

i juz dream..
its juz a dream..
a very sweet dream....

although

altho i may not like wut happened.. and it hurts me but im happy..
it may not turned out to be wut i wanted of, but im happy..
it my not be mt best effort, but the moment u believe in me, im happy.
i may be the worst fren in d world, but u nvr gv up on me, im happy.
i failed to tunaikan my promise and azam.. but u forgv me, im happy..
u said i wus fat and u said, ur sori, im happy..
u said, u'l take me to the moon and altho i knoe u won't but hearing u said u will, sumhow im happy..
i thot of giving up but u said u'l support me, im happy..
i had no money and u lend me without much fuss, im happy..
i forget wut day is today, and u want to jaga my hati, u said u dunno and pretend to look at the newspaper, im happy..
u wish my birthday..im happy.
u tell me to be happy, im happy.
u said ur on d way to class.. im happy.
u did the right thing, im happy.
u smile, im happy..

im happy. i do!

im hAppy

im happy.. for no reasons.. =) tq allah.. arigato..

dearest F4

dearest f4, domoji, shijiroh, akira and rui..
=)
the thot of mentioning ur nmaes one by one and imagining wut u guys do now bring warm feeling to my heart..
domoji, hows makino? cungratz for the grand marriage proposal. u guys hv hd gone thru a lot, rite?=) really admire ur confidence.. makino hv changed u inside, tremendously and i hope ,u changing to a better person will remain and nvr forget that being happy means seeing ur luv ones happy and im really-really glad that sumhow along the way, u undrstnd dis.. ur not that selfish sel-centered heartless domoji that i and the others thot u are nemore but at d same time i do hope u will go to an anger managmnt class or sth.. u look so ugly when u get mad.. hehe..
i wish u n makino all the happiness in d world!=)

shijiroh.. i call u d brilliant among dem all. u alwez knoe wut to do and wut to say. remember whn u helped yuki wif that stupid bf of hers? yeah. dat wus so cool of u. ow yeah, how wus the tea ceremony thingy? dun u wanna do one and invite that 'sweetheart' of urs? i dun thnk that when she told u she'l get married, she means it. even she will gt married-than u shud at least bf the wedding day, go tell her wut u feel-that ur wrong-that ur soori that u didn't made oi to the building that she told u to go like 6 am in d morning? heh. one pelik gurl, isn't it? but i like her smile.. =) she's ur first love, rite? go on, shijiroh.. dun b afraid. ur d one wif less doubts in f4.. i knoe u shud go for it.. and bout yuki, for god sake, do let her ride on ur bike..she's done a lot for u and u shud appreciate it=)
and i wish that u keep that warm smiles of urs.. dun play playboy around so much huh. ;) tc!

akira.. the middleman! =) i salute wif ur bravery in finding peace in f4. u shud joined makino studying law cuz u'l do juz fine in becoming a lawyer. rite? hehe. even i found it weird-ur mum n ur chomey sisters but they r still ur family n u really love dem and dats made me hpy-to see u even reckless sumtimes but still, tough guyd hv golden heart too, ey? hee. i heard dat u love older women huh? sigh. wish u find dat sumone..=)

rui.. ur my favourite=) tho i may not undrstnd u sumtimes but it dosent matter. ur like diam2 ubi berisi. i remembered when domoji kneel and akked u like merayu sunnguh2 to gv up on makino.. if i were u, i wud be torn apart but as usual wif ur little smile, u knoe dat u dun wnt to come in betwin betwin makino and domoji. both of dem r so ego,huh. hehe. and altho i may not undrstnd y u choose to b that quiet one among f4 n hv all dis king of silent languages but deep down, mayb juz mayb u dun wnt to be at the center of attention.. altho i irritates me to see u jz smiling at shizuka, u shud try harder,ok.. juz like domoji..owh, i shudn't brag nemore cuz ur even closer to domoji=) come on, cheer up. stop playing that biola when ur sad.. hurm. tc rui. u look like anas baadilla tau;) mayb dats y ur my fav=) hee.

f4 dear-gambatte!=)