seribu kali

dear, I'm not sure if u could understand dis, but i dun mind if u wanna scold me hard and then hug me and say, u knoe it's not my fault. that i shud have tried harder, that i shud chose other things and not this. U know that it's hard for me too. Just those words, i guess. I just need to cry. to let it out. Selfish is it? I hope not. It's not my intention to make everyone sad. I have a dream, to make a better hospital environment. We don't need more hospitals. We need more people who can tolerate hospital workloads. I really want the hospital to be staff friendly. to be patient friendly. to be islamic. as islam is the way of life. but i know. words are always easier said than done. i can tell u a lot of stuffs and facts and stories but the truth is, there is so little of contribution and action that i am taking part in. i really felt ashame of myself. i felt that wif u scolding me, will ease up my pain and guilt but yes, again the one that i hurt most would be my creator. o Allah, i have fail u greatly. is der a way back home? im home. but i dun feel like home. am trapped wif my weakness and selfishness. o Allah, save me, save the ones that loves me, and the ones that i love. save me from all the things that i think i cud not do. last 2 days, a murabbi said this to us....

Dan sesiapa yang bertaqwa kepada Allah (dengan mengerjakan suruhanNya dan meninggalkanlaranganNya),nescaya akan dijadikan baginya jalan keluar (dari segala perkara yang menyusahkannya).Serta memberinya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak terlintas hatinya. Dan (ingatlah), sesiapa berserah diri bulat-bulat kepada Allah, maka Allah cukupkan baginya (untuk menolong danmenyelamatkannya). Sesungguhnya Allah tetap melakukan segala perkara yang dikehendakiNya. Allah telahpun menentukan kadar dan masa bagi berlakunya tiap-tiap sesuatu.(Ayat 2 & 3 Surah At-Talaq @ ayat seribu dinar.

tak sangka ayat ini begitu menyentuh hati. and i cried without noticing. Allah.. thank you.. it's ifiniti value for me, not only seribu dinar :)

i luv u, Allah.. i do.

p/s: plis Allah, grants the F5 tkc students, be interested towards our coming.. let this pertemuan be a blessed event. ameen. and the rest, terpulang pada kau, ya Allah. segalanya milik kau..

hujung terowong

the most menakutkan posting. everything under the sun. have finally arrived!

semalam low sikit. rasa nk lari pun ada. tapi pujuk hati dg ayat2 Allah.. smpi tertidur depan comp hosp.. ya Allah. punya lah penat!

dr T even baik tapi mcm leave a tamparan jugak lah bila dia komen aku matric uia dulu...
xpe. take it as a challenge! in future, byk lagi org yg tangkap dalam.... kena tabah byk2 sgt. xleh semua bende nk kecik ati. ati xbleh kecik nk jadik tabib! xboleh!

dr L today, ingt dia nk nk mrh2 tapi alhamdulillah sgt!!! naik semangat sgt nk blaja n prepare utk pass exam dgn penuh mutu n keunggulan!! huhu. iA with the little help of friends n families :) to go to war kna ada strategy! yezza!


dear shash, good job!
-rohani

:)

alhamdulillah, cannot expressed lega mcm mana lagik...

fight

as time goes by.
like the wind blowing the leaves across the street.
i keep wondering when will i be able to be great to do what i wanna do.
being able to control time.
to be able to response correctly.
to know what to say, what to tell.
being flew back to the times i think i would like.
like the time when im a size of a feather,
the time im super rajin,
the time that mum was able to be super than superman,
the time that Abah was not worried of me as im not growing yet,
the time where what friends do and tell u matters,
the time where simple is always not complicated,

and etc wantedness.

which makes me stumble upon a fact that am I questioning takdir?

dear, keep the past as a part of u.
cherish the good moments.
be thankful for the bad ones.
life is not merely only for today.
its indeed a journey.
bekalan untuk hari-hari yang abadi nanti...

lets never give up in fighting our truest enemy of all...
: u knoe who!:

terima kasih day

terima kasih.terima kasih.terima kasih.

went to see Musical Tun M today with abh n mk.
serious, i cried towards the end. those days when Tun M resign as PM.
why?
am not sure.
but i could feel his lost hope towards us, Malays.
he mention about sick ppl only needed tongkat, but the Malay, wanted 'tongkat' even if they were not sick.
and indeed i cried due to how true his words was.

where are we?
infrastruktur kelas pertama, tapi minda kelas ketiga?

of course it includes me as a citizen. as a Malay.
im not generalizing everyone.
its that, the fact the we are the majority but minoriti in achievement is something that we must be worried of!

Tun Siti Hasmah came to CUCMS today.
i thought and assume that its going to be another boring speech and advise
but i wus suprised by how wrong i was...
her speech was very very simple and easy to absorb and practise.
its about medicine and the challenges+opportunities.
and i did asked during Q&A session.
what, where and how did Tun Hasmah gain her strength as previously a doctor and then a wife and an ex first lady of Msia?
and her answers? was simply sweet and cool!
1) be among young minds
2) use your minds , stimulate it frequently
3) bila makan , rasa dah sedap dah tuh, berhenti! (her mother in law's actually)
4) exercise. don't hv to be aerobic but jusr walk! just walk...

and during the end of her speech, we had some salam-salam and i would not forget when she said this to me, as we are near about only 2 inches away:
where r u from?
Ampang only.
Ampang only??? it does not matter where u come from! say, i am frm Ampang! thats it.

omg. is this a 80+ old lady talking to me?
yes.
and she indeed does not look like 80+.
serious..


p/s: on the another note, was sentap by prof najib remark of my comment, had slight uneasiness of the intestines but not to the point u cn diagnose me as diarrhoea, had slight dizziness due to makan daging as i m not use to eat certain kind of meat (based on observation) and lastly, the peak of the day; TAYAR PANCIT. OMG. SORI MYVI SYG. thanx lori batu muatan berats.
i syg u!

sabar sahaja. iA hikmah ada. mmg ada. sentiasa ada ;)

its only beginning...

its easier to cry. its easier to see other ppls happiness. its easier to say and stumble upon ur words. its okay. sumtimes u need a little push, a little rough tide, a little bounce out of the blue. fine now, its a great day. why the sad face. why the fear. free urself from the prison. break free. dont be afraid. thou the future seems bleak but remember those times, when they show u the way of happiness and truth.. mayb dey won't remember but u do and it dosent matter if ur hurt coz i knoe ur rather be hurt than feeling nothing at all, ur rather be hurt than being happy and others r not.. oh paradigm, shift swiftly left and right. will u be faster and run against the time. hey u, stop the smiling face. but dont listen to me. keep smiling. at least it brighten my world. for no reason. owh, i wish i could float and not sink like a titanic, deep deep down burying all my memories which u cant take it away from me... and its like little treasures to me. i might sound weird. i might be sick. but i know i m recovering. i am better. i realize who i am. i realize how painful u are.but please hold on.... Allah is always, always near~ =)

remember

remember the day u decided to stand. and jatuh balik.. then ur mum or ur abg or ur abah hold ur hand. and u dun cry. but u think its fun sbb by standing and 20 seconds later falling flat atas pampers, mak laugh and she thinks dats so cute of u and u sumhow obviously agrees with her..

remember the day u saw mak semayang and u think nanti bila mak bwat stunt elephant nak naik atas belakang dia mcm gelongsor slide.. and sikit pun mak tak marah tapi dia pesan, nanti pecah kepala nanti.. hehe.

remember the day when u were in tadika, wearing those tiny uniforms and bawa bekal and stuff. i used to miss mak and cried in the toilet. at one point my class teacher will drag me out of the toilet.. teruk giler but then im my momma's little gurl.. (:

remember when the day school finishes and mak was not around yet, i used to play ting-ting with old pal frens whch i forgot their names but faces no way.. i heart u guys where ever u are..

remember when u first puasa.. abah was worried that i tak tahan and he woke me up from sleep and i think i was standard one that time and asked me to drink and eat.. and still now being 15 years later, abah masih risau dgn sebegitu byk perkara yg out of his control whch i will alwez terdengar in his doa, ya allah selamatkan lah anak anak ku shahirah dan shahiran dari perkara-perkara malapetaka yg hanya Kau mampu lindungi..

and remember Dr Jamil nak case write up esok??

yeah! O & G! NAK abes dah posting ini :(

lintasan hati...

•Hati ini pasti merasa hilang.. Sabar lah.
•Masih segar mesra itu tapi hati juga berkeras mahu mengatakan sebaliknya.
•Kerna hati ini tidak mahu lagi sekali menjual rasa yang tulus hanya kerna rasa puas nikmat berkasih, bersayang..
•Hanya kerna dunia bisa membenarkan kemungkaran dan kekotoran mengalir deras, tak bermakna aku harus terjebak sama.
•Tabahkan hati, pejuang..
•Satu hari kesabaran ini pasti akan dibalas Allah dengan sesuatu yg lebih2 baik.
•Lenyapkan rasa kecintaan kepd manusia yg wujudnya hanya sementara Cuma..
•Rasa cinta pada dia itu hanya membazir.. Jika tidak disertai dengan yang halal, dgn yang hak, dengan keredhaan tuhan..
•Mengerti?
•Hari ini yang kau lepaskan demi maruahmu, demi rasa malu yg tebal, demi rasa takut pada tuhan, percayalah, adalah lebih baik dari permata berlian dan semua isi dunia yg fana ini…
•Biarlah..
•Hanya tuhan yg tahu…

tak tahu

mungkin kau tak tau. dia cinta kamu benar. cuma tak berani melafazkannya. munkin takut yg kamu tak benarkn dia bercakap dan dia tak mampu nk bersuara kerna kamu suruh dia diam dan otaknya mcm mati akal kerana ayat diam kamu yg separa tegas dan amarah. mungkin kamu tak diberitahu ttg penderitaannya.mungkin kamu ingt dia sudap melupakan kamu atau membuang kamu terus dr hidup..

tapi masa kamu ingt kamu betol tuh lah kamu silap..