the Days to remember

-....aku maafkan kamu, tak perlu kita bertemu, cukup kau tahu...-
-a song by jamal abdillah and malique-


1. Alhamdulillah. my wikend are preoccupied with beneficial things and seandainya Allah tidak mentakdirkan kebaikan-kebaikan ini nescaya akan tercampaklah hambanya ini menghadap perkara yg sia-sia. Alhamdulilah. :) started with laman bestari, sunathon batu pahat, uia arrivals and kde prog. Alhamdulilah. Moga Allah memberi balasan syurga kepada murabbi ku yg berusaha utk mengisi hati2 kami dgn kasih syg Allah.

2. xpe lah mak, tak payah hantar lagi, kalau diaorg ckp mmg byk kereta, means mmg kita akan potong line org lain. kita kan menzalimi org lain... hantar esok jerh..
-walaupun mak bantah tapi aku yakinkan dia, hidup nie bila ikut perspektif akhirat dia jadi lebih senang, lebih mudah.. dan Alhamdulillah bila mak nampak aku yakin, aku ppg stand aku, she give in.. she called lee tayar and "xpe lah, esok jer.." ;)

3. seeing and meeting the genius ikhwan, sheikh H is the most wonderful thing that i can never imagine. the first time i knew and heard of him from cik N, i have vow to Allah that I will do my best in dakwah and one of it iS because of kewujudan org2 yg berkesanggupan maha tinggi demi dakwah seperti beliau dan ramai lagi unsung hero yg moga Allah merahmati dan memasukkan semuanya ke syurga firdausNya, ameen..

4. maal hijrah. aiyo, x terbaca pun doa akhir tahun and awal tahun.. shame, shame, shash.. not good! mcm mn lah boleh terlepas pandang nie..

5. P and S came from kuantan, one to see deir fren's marriage and 2nd to drop by and meet me. xde lah drop by pun sbb diaorg bermlm satu hari in putra, so Alhamdulillah dgn bersebab mereka dtg, i go out from my comfort zone and bersihkan ground floor mcm sparkling awesome jugak lah. Alhamdulilah. Although sahabat2 mantap lain mungkin sedang gigih study tapi I am very the most happy dapat kemas ground floor and jadi tuan rumah yg the best. although I am not 100% sure what P and S felt with the hospility but P did said, wah ini mmg layanan terbaik nie, and Alhamdulilah Allah permudahkan aku untuk permudahkan mereka:) and we went to Al Sinnai restaurant (mcm tuh ke speeling nye?) at sungai merab area.. restaurant AL punya family. Alhamdulilah i ate the steambot main dish and baru perasan yg i have no idea mcm mn nk handle mkn steambot. selama nie abah and mak je yg sibuk buatkan. adoih..

6. bufday mak su! ingat nak lawat dia lah. plus kids school hols.. ow yes, mak intans nie nak anta R pg prog cuti tak nie dis 30 hb? or shud i rekomen sth more cheaper ekh.. bende tuh dis disember... hurm... nanti lah.

7. Alhamdulillah. Hanya Allah bisa menyentuh dan memegang hati-hati mutarabbi kita. I have seen a potential in F to grow and explore all potentials. Alhamdulilah. May Allah make it the best for her, in all her actions and doings..

8. i slept about 2 hours before reaching tol salak selatan. 10pm til 12 am. Ya Allah, mmg sgt mengantuk and i am also bit shock as upon waking up, ada seorang kakak motor nie was on my tingkap side and sedang watching over me. I did not remember is she was trying to call my name, or try to bangunkan me or whatever, neither i remmbr did i turunkan tingkap, but i did remember talking to her, so i must have turunkan tingkap which is SO BAHAYA sbb helloo, kang dia acid splash aku pukul 12 mlm..padan muko ko.. anyway, i remmeber she said, ok, sy pergi dulu ya, and she drove her motorcycle sommothly laju away from me yg tgh terpinga2 sbb i just realized its 12 am and mak is waiting at home and yes, 7 miscalls! :/ oh nooo.. sori mak. sori adik.

9. i told S sth that i shud have not tell her actually. about gdp and etc.. and all those marah-gila things. May Allah forgive me. May she learnt a lesson of my random babling and rambling.

10. oj note! nvd ape nye. dah 5 weeks tak terbuat, ya Allah!!! but if we have started (on anything, on sumthing..) thus we are never too late. and actually we r not late bcoz we have started! yes, yes.. i am coming today oj! just u wait..cikgu T, i dedicate this quotatation frm sheikh to u.. please please proceed. iA Allah is always by our side :)

11. i am ashame of myself, really. why on earth am i deeply worried of psy presentation whereby Allah is always there for each of us. InsyaAllah Rabu nie ada case for me. Rabu and khamis actually.. bcoz jumaat baru presentation :) O Allah, im not gonna be sad. I am going to be patient. temukanlah aku dgn patient yg dpt kami belajar drpnya, ya Allah. ameen.. ya rab bal ala meen.

12. :) iA i will talk to u. iA i will be redha with whatever response u'll give me. i am ready. iA :) i did my part, alhmdulilh. iA.... :)

like wild fire

APPLY!
the reading look easier but when u are in a real situation and the magic word utter; apply. well, u may fumble and not be you for a min or two.

that is what i and maybe most of the final year rasa. the toughness of applying.

and its not just the decision. the responsibility. the passion. the love. the sacrifise.

the reality. the pahit.

i found out new things about me, apointed by my real mom and a mother in a labour room.

One is from a mother to her daughter and another from a patient to a medical student.

Thanks maks. love u both.

i learnt that i could be very fragile when i did not trust myself. u could see it clearly when i did not prepare my case (read: did not read through details) or during exam which u'll be bombarded by different level of thinking, exams that needs skills (read: lesen kereta and osce agung) and etc. and the one in labour room is taking blood from patient. ya, take blood jer. tapi tgn aku sejuk. shaking. and mak ckp, kamu ada gemuruh ke shahirah.. yakin diri, bergantung pada Allah. kamu dah belajar kan? (angguk sambil rasa nk nangis terharu) so, yakin jer. be confident. i am confident in you. you know what to do!

anugerah patient terbaik.

on the another note, my clinic session on tuesday was quite miserable. the MO , Dr S was very stern but alhamdulillah she taught my mind to be disciplined and sharp. tq. and yes i'll do it a thousand time if i need to. no prob. iA. tak mati pun is the new motto bebeh!

last night, my marah was tested. nasi and chips. after 20 mins waiting sambil tgk cerita cina, where is the fish? owh, saya ingat akak nk bungkus. (oh my, i terkeluar bodoh for the first time in my life... kecewenya, kamu nak saya makan nasi dgn french fries ke? kenapa bodoh sgt..) May Allah forgive me... hungry can make u angry. but as a muslim, i should have not be that angry. i should be patient and forgive the waiter....

and dear aliah, everyone pernah buat salah. buat salah itu bagus, yang tak bagus bila kita repeat back the mistake....

p/s: steve jobs died 2 days ago i guess. RIP great man.

belum merdeka

berilah aku yg hina ini ruang dan peluang untuk membayar kembali masa-masa yang aku sia-siakan untuk yg selainMu, ya Allah...

seolah-olah seumpama empangan yg pecah, terhambur segala isi-isinya mengalir tanpa arah, tanpa tujuan..

ya Tuhan, aku mahu kembali kepadaMu, jalan yang lurus, yang Kau redhai...

buanglah aku yang itu, Ya Allah. hapuskanlah Ya Rabb, sisi-sisi diri ini yang jahil, yang daif, yang sombong, yang riya', yang berdaki, yang jijik... campaklah semuanya jauh-jauh, paling jauh yang boleh, ya Allah...

buanglah aku yang itu kerna aku mahu menjadi yang ini...

aku yang Quran di hati, Rasullullah di kalbu, yang ber ilah kan Allah dan bukan nafsu, yang segala gerak geri ku dipandu Tuhan semesta seluruh alam, aku yang lebih senang untuk bersusah di dunia drp di akhirat...

aku tak rela terpenjara di dunia ini.. dunia ini lebih banyak lagi racun dari penawar, lebih banyak sedih dari gembira, lebih 'neraka' dari neraka..biarlah aku merana di dunia ini andai tukarannya ialah kebahagiaan di akhirat. di hari matahari terik hanya panjang sejengkal.

ayuh saudara seagamaku,

perjuangan kita menegakkan agama Allah belum tamat...

tapi baru bermula!