TAK APE

xpe lor. xleh jumpe nadey lagi. sigh. maybe leh sneak out g mmu kot. hurm. ntah. ingt nk jumpe kat dataran pahlawan.. im going to melake jap lagi.. nak tgk movies.. hee. and beli tunggu teduh dulu. kind of nostalgic sbb faisal teharani asal dari melaka. hehe. currently, im head over heels dengan arashi boyband frm japan. cool gile smpi first thng on my head whn i woke up(apart alhmdulilh aku idop lg) is ARASHI song like one love. haha. best dowh. and sgt obvious gell hell ler aku minat jun matsumoto. hee;) babah is having a meeting in melake so i guess im juz tagging along. sumtimes i wonder y on earth dia nk sgt aku jd doctor. y dun u ask venture to business jer. hurm. but adik ckp, medic pon business gak. bukak hospital, bukak clinic. heh. yeah, una. ade benar juge di situ..

illogical

i hv my own expectations jugak.. thou it hurts cuz u acted the other wy round esp whn u go do ur unexpected halimunaning but i still luv u lah zazu. still!

bile i nak beli tunggu teduh dulu niey. iksh!

sabar ye, im ging lah nie!=)

dearest F4

dearest f4, domoji, shijiroh, akira and rui..
=)
the thot of mentioning ur nmaes one by one and imagining wut u guys do now bring warm feeling to my heart..
domoji, hows makino? cungratz for the grand marriage proposal. u guys hv hd gone thru a lot, rite?=) really admire ur confidence.. makino hv changed u inside, tremendously and i hope ,u changing to a better person will remain and nvr forget that being happy means seeing ur luv ones happy and im really-really glad that sumhow along the way, u undrstnd dis.. ur not that selfish sel-centered heartless domoji that i and the others thot u are nemore but at d same time i do hope u will go to an anger managmnt class or sth.. u look so ugly when u get mad.. hehe..
i wish u n makino all the happiness in d world!=)

shijiroh.. i call u d brilliant among dem all. u alwez knoe wut to do and wut to say. remember whn u helped yuki wif that stupid bf of hers? yeah. dat wus so cool of u. ow yeah, how wus the tea ceremony thingy? dun u wanna do one and invite that 'sweetheart' of urs? i dun thnk that when she told u she'l get married, she means it. even she will gt married-than u shud at least bf the wedding day, go tell her wut u feel-that ur wrong-that ur soori that u didn't made oi to the building that she told u to go like 6 am in d morning? heh. one pelik gurl, isn't it? but i like her smile.. =) she's ur first love, rite? go on, shijiroh.. dun b afraid. ur d one wif less doubts in f4.. i knoe u shud go for it.. and bout yuki, for god sake, do let her ride on ur bike..she's done a lot for u and u shud appreciate it=)
and i wish that u keep that warm smiles of urs.. dun play playboy around so much huh. ;) tc!

akira.. the middleman! =) i salute wif ur bravery in finding peace in f4. u shud joined makino studying law cuz u'l do juz fine in becoming a lawyer. rite? hehe. even i found it weird-ur mum n ur chomey sisters but they r still ur family n u really love dem and dats made me hpy-to see u even reckless sumtimes but still, tough guyd hv golden heart too, ey? hee. i heard dat u love older women huh? sigh. wish u find dat sumone..=)

rui.. ur my favourite=) tho i may not undrstnd u sumtimes but it dosent matter. ur like diam2 ubi berisi. i remembered when domoji kneel and akked u like merayu sunnguh2 to gv up on makino.. if i were u, i wud be torn apart but as usual wif ur little smile, u knoe dat u dun wnt to come in betwin betwin makino and domoji. both of dem r so ego,huh. hehe. and altho i may not undrstnd y u choose to b that quiet one among f4 n hv all dis king of silent languages but deep down, mayb juz mayb u dun wnt to be at the center of attention.. altho i irritates me to see u jz smiling at shizuka, u shud try harder,ok.. juz like domoji..owh, i shudn't brag nemore cuz ur even closer to domoji=) come on, cheer up. stop playing that biola when ur sad.. hurm. tc rui. u look like anas baadilla tau;) mayb dats y ur my fav=) hee.

f4 dear-gambatte!=)

wud do i want

absolutely nothing but u.. and ur warm smile..

=)

dun think too much

=) ala zazu nie. iksh!

6th august lah pulak

=) hee. tuka tarikh ke, traning for faci nie. hurm.nak pki baju kurung warne ape ekh? purple bj ry yg g umah tun tuh lah. hee. wacha~

kalau itu jodohku

i used to get wat i want
so mayb abah wud freak out if i dun marry sumone wif handsome money
i used to be help-i dun do cooking, i dun do laundry, sumtimes i do d dishes, and god knows wut the hell iv done in my life-so maybe mum wud freak out if i marry sumone who could not or even worse refuse to let other ppl,i.e the maids to do thehouse chores esp cooking..

but kalau dia jodohku, i juz wanted u to knoe, mak, abah, dat i wud alwez gonna b ur lil cheerful naughty lil gurl..
its my life, rite? i knoe u'll get fret out a bit, and worry how on earth i'll handle hard work and short of money but, mak abah, im gonna b a doctor, remember? its a tough job dat insyaaallah will make me a tough gurl, a strong gurl.. so i'l embrace my life much better than i used to. i knoe u love me so much and no other guy can beat ur luv to me, but i juz wanted u to knoe that i feel happy to be by his side. dat i hv zero regrets. no confusion at all. i wanted to be with him and i believe that all u wanted is my happiness.. this is my happiness. he is my happiness. i knoe u'll understnd. i undrstand that its hard to let me go. but mak,abah, i am alwez gonna b ur little bright smily gurl.. =) will alwez be..

orientation training for the trainees?

wah. biar betol nie? hurm. bak kate digi, new concept, new module. so kna ade training dari kol 8 smpi kol 5. gile lame. heh. =) 4th august nie.. xpe. lmbt lagi. heh~

monsters on d camouflage

p/s: abeq mesti tgh tersipu malu di meja mkn bersame kambengnye. hahaha;) sedap, ikan bakar?;)

ok-sumhow dis name appeared in my mind-as we went bck home-passing her house-frm max vallu-huge sum on the bill-400 bucks-ala, 4 hinggit jer babah-haha- owh- d name?- wong li yen- i wus kind of close to her-when i wus standard 3-till standard 5 when i moved to a government schoo-i wus in a swasta school named sek rendh sri inai- where lisa surihani yg berlakon filem im not single used to school jugak-im standard 2 when she wus standard 5 i guess-entah-not dat exactly sure-nway-why did i remembered wong li yen?-because she wus one of those monsters that taught me one,two things in life-she wus d one who hit her scalp so hard kat terowong at school playground that it really hurt those scalp layers-now i know y did the blood came running lot like hell-sbb mmg byk salur drh pon-so dat it heal cepat-nway- she used to play and came over to our hse-wu usually berbasikal-and play hide n seek- once, i wus d only one who wus not yet found so all of dem, li yen, my lil bro and (kitaorg 3 org jer) haha.. so, carilah ashu. but b4 dey search for me- she said sth dat really broke my heart- 'mane kakak kau yg gemok nie sembunyi?' -kakak kau yg gemuk? hello! i wus not at all gemok-i wonder wut she'l call me now if she saw me(cuz she pindah g mane ntah. i dun gv a damn) -badak air agaknyer-heh- nway, i wus not at all kesah actually-but then i hv feelings too-i do! =)

=(

dun be..

celebration

my ke 102 post.. gila merepek kamu. haha!

senseless

smile. esok masih ada. tomorow never dies. green light! jalan lah.. kau bodoh ke? shoot, mmg!

shu? mana? sana.. pilot. hensem! kl central.. sorang je, bang?

i hate it. to b d last to knoe. as if u fogot me? wut cud be d most azab feeling than dat? although its ur life n i shud not be bothered or even more i shud b hapy cuz u seems hapy but sadness still sink in thru the cracks of the wall of my clumsy confused heart..look, im not asking much, ok.. i dun nag u dat much neither call u dat much nemore cuz i realizd im juz torturing u.. im sori for making u felt tortured. all dis bloody years. since eng in camp melaka sampai aku sgt berbangge juz to imagine ko terbang di awan biru- i think iv been very cruel to throw tantrum and worries u (sumhow..) and annoyed u. and god knows how else u felt wif kawan kau yg byk ragam nie. thou i may be unnormal sumtimes, i juz wish that mayb juz mayb if im normal, wud d destiny changes? if i wus that normal, cud i be d one making u hapy? and i doubt i cud. i really do.. u shud like ignore every time i told u dat i liked u in the past. (or did u even get it when i told u?) i hope u did not get it and juz assume i wus a confused gurl back then.. it wud be a nicer pic like that kan? heh. thou u said that thing wus just komplot but still on dis dy onwards, iv made myself to draw a line. a line btween u n me so dat next time WHEN I HEARD FRM SUMONE ELSE THAT UR TAKEN, MY SHOCKNESS WON'T COZ MY BLOOD PRESSURE TO FALL AS MY BRAIN IS OLEDI PREPARED FOR MY EARS AND HEARTS NOT TO BE TORN WHEN I HEARD THAT. no,no,no. jealousy? wut shud i be jealous of? i juz hate to be the last to knoe.. dats all.. dats it!

kepunyaan kamu

dots and poka

i juz wanna ride that raga basikal again..
really-really wanted to..
=) i wanna hear those bell rings and tyre break the moment i stopped abruptlt without reasons.. heh. dats wut iv been doing for the past years of my life.. doing things cuz i felt like doing it.. i dun listen to anyone.. i follow my instict.. i miss those moments where i can tell dat i wus sincere in my laugh and my talks.. but nowdays i find it hard to tell even myself, either i wus shahirah shuaib or sumone else..

allah! the war is not over yet.. help!

where m i?

like hoping for a closed door to open..

pliz remember me..remember me..

jambatan separuh siap

aah.
tak nak.
sbb tak nak.
paham?

tak tahu

mungkin kau tak tau. dia cinta kamu benar. cuma tak berani melafazkannya. munkin takut yg kamu tak benarkn dia bercakap dan dia tak mampu nk bersuara kerna kamu suruh dia diam dan otaknya mcm mati akal kerana ayat diam kamu yg separa tegas dan amarah. mungkin kamu tak diberitahu ttg penderitaannya.mungkin kamu ingt dia sudap melupakan kamu atau membuang kamu terus dr hidup..

tapi masa kamu ingt kamu betol tuh lah kamu silap..

shahirah shuaib...

u knoe wut, d moment i decided thaat i shud hv a blog, my intention wus not updating my lifes or lepas geram or like showing off whom i love or hate but maybe juz maybe i thot i cud juz talk to myself, only in a much nicer way, viewing in a fancy page, and cn also be read by others..

it hit me hard when the ppl around me are'nt the ppl dey were used to be.. i dun mind at all if u change for the better, and better if for the best.. but wut annoyed me is dat when i cn sense that ur not urself.. so not u! i cn smell the worries and fear and doubt.. like i nvr knew u..as if like ur a stranger..

and today, i wus that person..i fight wif a terrible enemy. and that horrible enemy is myself..

i tend to b carried awy.. true.
i tend to be rude.
i tend to be reckless.
i tend to b showing off.
i tend to look smart but im juz one pain in the ass.
i tend to talk the rite things but nvr did one..
i tend to make ppl work for victory but i did nothing than holding up white flag.
i tend to dream a lot and wonder will it ever b reality.
i tend to be gud to strangers but rough and bitter to mother.
i tend to forgive frens and my enemy but its hard to say tq to the that cares 4 me.
i tend to love attentions and attract dislikeness all over me.
i tend to pull up weight and wonder wut other guys think of me.




im tired of the tendency that i hv to kill myself..juz because i dunno wut to do..
mayb the ppl around me get tired of me.. of my foolishness and nagging and hatred and big mouth and rudeness.. mayb dey get tired of my stupidness and doubt.. mayb dey get tired of my woriness, of my boldness and of my dramas...

mayb dey get tired of my stories...

its ok..

im tired too, u knoe.. im tired too.

hana yori dango,anyone?

shoot, best gle syal..cerita jepun nie.. hana yori dago!!!!! =) hee.. sgt best walau mcm agak kuno tapi so wut.. haha. like the way una react when i said lets see star wars.. like? wut the hell.. haha. so wut? haha. kan, mpt kan? like all u need is a very cruel joker voice and spit it out loud: SO WUT? haha~ (ergh, merapiks sudah.. daa. owh, bahagianye mendakapi cuti yg best..and obviously bosan)

and sgt bosan smpi aku rakam suara sendiri?

haha. ang mangse aku adalah peminat2 terpakse aku yg sudi menadah telinga mendengr aku yg merapiks mendedangkan lagu2 bongek lagi agak sedap lah jugak..(kot?) haha..

mereka adalah: M11!!! wit respect to their kindness and keadaban terunggul, bro, nana, er-er and abeqq, watch out ppl, i might be sue for merosaking ur gegendang telinge but again, SO WUT?? haha(gelak kejam) =)

terkulai-kulai bukan di kulai tapi cyberjaya

sunyi-senyap-sengal

dat wud describe a boring friday which is today~
so i start missing my mum..(padahal nak nalik dh nie)
and start usha balak org..(sedih nie, xde bf..)
and start ckp sorang2 and pretending like anas heard me..
and start maen games kat fb..
and start goreng telur dadar, aliahbrobro sponsor..(nnt gua ganti balik)
and start pikir ape aku nk buat dgn cuti yg berbaki 14 hari tolak campur lebey kureng..

(nak g muzium seni islam, nak beli buku faisal tehrani tunggu teduh dulu, nak tgk jgn lupa lirik, nak beli baju baru, usrah at toks, blaja anat balik dgn una, nak hang out dgn nana vougue, 200 umah sewa bank in kat abeqq, pray hard for musculo result, beli mister potato abeqq and 100+ dia yg aku cilok, so beli mister potato,100+ and eggs, nak g swimming kat club darul ehsan, nak bgn awal and jogging, nk betulkan camera, susun pendrive dlm dia sepah gile, claim pendrive kat nana vogue, find out sume bufday org sbb iv been not ingati as i used to tampal kertas than dat kertas gone, gone lah semua, haih..

penat lah, nanti pk byk sgt nk buat nnt kalo tak buat nnt kecewe.. hurm.. biarlah biarlah.ergh!

im on facebook

haha. meng suro buat. and im feeling like kuno pulak xde dah mc pon ade. haha. so, do add me ya, ppl.. likewedidlastsummer@yahoo.com

a pic describe a thousand words

watak kehidupan..

mak-simple,tak dendam, sgt pemaaf,kelaka in her own ways, org paling yakin dlm dunia
abah- kelaka, serius bila perlu, pantang org kaco brg dia, business minded, sgt mudah disenangkan hati..
adik-pendiam tapi sgt kelakar.. and sgt addapt dgn keadaan so fast.. sgt jage bab2 agama.. salute!sgt respect kamu..

azab ku sudah berakhir..

----saat2 keazaban dan penyeksaan sebuah kehendak yg memuncak----

I'm accustomed to not having any kind of map for my life...

azabku menghadap musculo (again..) sudah berakhir=)

wait and c jer lah. insyallah naek grade.. sume org doakan i tau. tq! and obviously i'll doakan untuk semua 18 org batch saye yg mengambil musculo agar naek to a better grade semuanye.. insyaallah..

now, its time for a last kopek holiday b4 i come bck to cucms tercinta for the orientation dak2 1st year.. hee. jadik faci. nak elaun jer. hehe.

wah. nana and bro.. cayo'! gudluck exam babes! believe is the 1st step towards victory~=)


sweet 2 wiks holiday.. im coming!


p/s: Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Kota Bharu, Perak arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Jilin, Jilin arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Taipei, Tai-pei arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Cairo, Al Qahirah arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Andheri, Maharashtra arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Dubai, Dubai arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Burgess Hill, West Sussex arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Kuala Lumpur, Wilayah Persekutuan arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"
Kouts, Indiana arrived from blogger.com on "BRING ME FLOWERS!"

giler.. dari mane diaorg nie???? ada ape dgn blog aku!! korang bukan paham pon.. ergh!(emosi..)

tick tock

less than 24 hours.
damn.
allah! help me get an A! for musculo.. pliz...

here we go again, finals!

sy tutup mata

i close my eyes(like haf lagi bukak curik2) bila joker cakap..

Y SO SERIOUS.. ??

haha.. y so serious?;)

one word

anas: best

sender: AnS +01*4*0*1*7
sent: 12:06:20 am
21 july 2008

shashu: best kan? =)

me and only me

bro,sorry dat i reject the taxi riding..even i shud, i kow cuz we both are damn penat but
money is kind of complicated situation now..
so, i dun need u to understnd y on earth im like 'kedekut' cuz i dun want u to understand..i juz hope u'll pretend not to care and like, fine, bro, jom naek bus.. =)

batman saye hensem tapi..

--jambatan putrajy kegemaran--tiang lampu putrajy yg sepi-kami ashuu n alliahh hooded broz forever- white board sy 1st dy dirasmi--


dark knight?
ok lah. sy menjelajah ke alamanda yg hebat di putrajaya yg sampainya di sana pada pukul 11 pagi yg tenang selepas menaiki 2 trip bus dari cyber dan erl putrajy maka sy pon dgn tanpa doubt mengwatch dgn saket mata kerana mendapat tempat duduk pawagam paling depan sekali tapi saket mata dan leher hilang bila menatap

batman yg hensem

bersame aliah muse a.k.a BRO a.k.a grupmate tercinte yg sgt comey bersame baju peach nyer yg beropol renda sakan segale..

tapi

even i told anas abdillah i gave 10 stars but i have act to pikir agak a little hard to recall back what iv watch 10 hours ago..

but still best! seeing mendiang heath ledger jadi joker sgt mengujakan..
like he is alive=)

nway, life must go on wisely,rite.

hurm. bruce wayne.
wat will i do if im d dark night? d silent guardian of gotham city? berani gle dia. like anytime if kantoi dia bruce wayne, mmg rase xde life dah kot.. even its juz another comic story, but the story keeps me thinking. i broke down like dent too. bile rachel mati. bile cgp 'mati'.. i felt so marah wif myself. wat d hell im wasting of my money,time,energy? saket hati.. but i remember mum said, REDHA! redha,shu.. sum things are not meant to be. hanya tuhan yg tahu. apa yg terbaik utk hambenya. walau pahit.. mak ckp lagi, kalo suami isteri bisa bercerai walau duduk sekatil serumah berpuluh tahun, ada apa dgn 5,9 tahun? nothing! so, redha. redha dgn ketentuan tuhan. slalunya bukan salah org lain pon. salah diri sendiri jugak. and life is a risk. like wayne, he took the risk. let be be responsible of the 5 murders.. like? wud i be that person who sacrifice for the city's read: other ppl's faith in justice? so-called true heroes lives on. the real unmask hero.. like if batman does not wear that kelawar mask, then mestilah org jahat shoot dia like the moment dia bgn pagi kat mansion dia yg maha besar tuh.. heh. which at a point reminds me that do not 100% believe wats in front of ur eyes. like, it may looks like dat but its not actually like dat. heh. salah paham la sng cite coz life is not like a recorder tape 24 hours dia is exactly wat im doing and saying,bla3. u can lie but karma sumhow haunt u.. kan? heh.

like when i think of the joker in reality, the funny thing about ppl is they dun even potray demsf as obvious as joker(obviously) well, everyone hv dis joker thingy inside dem.. sumtimes u do it for fun.. not for money or what so ever reasons.. but that 'fun' came frm the hatred and revenge.. his father brutally abuse him. his wife left him. nobody stood by him. so, seeing other ppl suffer seems to be like 'fun'.. is it? it wus fun to me sumtimes to look other ppl fall. esp the one that i dun like strabgely for no reasons~ but that joker inside me does not stay long.. it juz dosen't..naseb baek. haha(gelak evil)

alfred! u look fat and less hensem than the last movies.. heh. but still the wiity u is alive. thank god... we all have alfred in our lives. the one who supports u and reminds u: 'but i did bloody told u'.. for me, alfred is like mum. she wus der, to tell me to stop. to go. but never force me to actually when to stop or when to go or let go.. she believes in me. and stand by me thru thick and thin..

rachel.. my, i felt like, wat if u finally realize u love sumone and suddenly n then boom. he is dead.. gone by the wing.. heh. in my case, he is taken! girl, i envy u!
ow, dia bukan ans. sebab ans is like my deepest crush my whole life! of course i like baney leman. (secret code yg dah lapuk.haha)but ala, u knoe and juz knoe la if ur special or not to a guy.u juz knew.. and my instict slalu tepat,ok. i like u. i really do. but i dun think u wud love me.. as much as i love u. so, wats d point? i juz dun believe it will happen.. harapan itu sudah tiada.. gone baby gone~ mayb i waited for kucing bertanduk. so, i knoe its impossible.. like wayne nak berhenti jadik batman? hello, rachel knew that that wus impossible even she said she'll wait previously to wayne but eventually she change her mind, kan? so, i sumhow think its impossible for him to fall for me, peminat fanatiknya(suatu masa dulu).. maka saya tidak meletakkan harapan lagi.. ya, hati sy berbunga masih bila dia reply mesej saye dan mengangkat telefon tatkala frequensi celcom saye dapat mengesan telefon bimbitnya(tipu gell konsep) heh.. oh well, d past is past. (d one i realize im in love wif) is just my past.. cgp is my past.. and ans baadilla also is sumhow my past.. bintang hati is like only a mentor to me.. and encik aerop is like my best fren jer..

im still not in luv juz yet. not yet..owh, dat sweet day will juz wait..

move forward.. prof zauyah wud alwez remind me that in log book.. move forward shashu. juz dun be worried of the past.. (thou i knoe u dun even care bout d future) haha..

i do! im moving forward, prof! i do!

apa lagi? ntah. otak sudah collapse. gudnite n gudlux!


ow, ey p/s: gud luck ekh esok.. tdo mati lah u dlm kuliah nnt. haha. dun temm me i dun warn u not to go to d movies!!!=p

im back

yes! internetb dh masuk D27B! smiles!=)

microb tertonggeng tertelangkup bahagia

hee=) lecture neck prof nasa xde..
hurm. but i'll make it a point that i will blaja kat meja ku yg best pasal leherku yg chomey. wawawa..

farewell meng~

yeye. naek klia transit.. 6.20 sen jer. tuh pon naseb baek ade assistant hamiedah. hehe. tq dotz. pastuh era pon maen peranan gak dgn menghantar ashu dgn jayanye ke putrajaya erl.. cepat gle sampai airport. dia ckp setengah jam tapi mcm 20min je kot. hehe.impres2. then menunggu lah si meng. asyik awal je dtg dr dia. last time pon awal gak. heh. ok, harinie gigih gak pose. saje jer. tunngu maghrib lagi best dr tunggu meng. heh. but then meng smpi b4 maghrib pon. so bukak lah pose dgn diaorg. bapak meng @ uncle din mmg sgt lah lapar agaknye. mumule makan nasik pastuh mi pastuh roti canai pastuh nak makan abc tp aunty lin marah. 'abg amek 20 sen nie g maen jauh2' haha. hape2 ntah. mcm2 lah cite kuar kat dining table and tetibe rase sayu plak sbb mcm kind of like nampak meng gelak like 'for the last time'.. heh. ok2, meng msk around 10.15 and mcm tak terfikir plak nadia sek ssp. leh jer uncle amek kat cyber tercinte nie. tapi aku mmg nak naek klia transit pon. bak kate abg gebab kat erl, 'laen kali ckp nak g airport.. bukan nak kaek klia transit.. cheh. mane aku tau! bwekk! ok, bye meng.. (haa.naseb brg2 wan aku dpt seludup.. tapi mak aku ckp suroh buang je. tak gune simpan.. hurm.. entah. tak berani nk ckp kat meng.. ske ati ko lah yang.. asal ko bahgia..) nway, mase time nk tunggu meng masuk check in mak meng dgn rakusnya take pics kitaorg.. hehe. chomel lah ashu obviously.. hee. tapi mcm pk2 blk, jarang fle tangkap gambar dgn meng. ntah lah. takpe2 der's a pic of u in my mind kan, lagu sape ntah, dedic8 kat diri sendri. hee. ok, then bapak meng antau balik.. mase dlm kete nie punye lah heavy dia punye flashback mcm rase nk nanges plak tapi xde l;ah nk nanges. rase je. heh. ade ke patot uncle din leh flashbck blk dari zaman form 1 sampai lah umo aku dh 2 abad nie. haih. kesimpulan='kamu nie mmg baek dgn meng, kan' aah, uncle. baek2. hehe. sbb kitaorg ngam kot. no hal pape pon.. complicated ppl yg xde lah complicated inside pon sbenarnyer.. waah. btol, meng? hehe. ok, dh penat and midotz pon mcm bg inner warning je tuh.. hiks,tc meng! muah2. c u soon.. =)

im still..

im still jenny frm the block, whatever i do, i know where i came frm.. i used to hv a lil now i hv a lot..

yeah. gath on saturday afternoon. tak curik lg photos. but it wus a simple yet nostalgic reunion.. =) titans 0004 stelah 4 tahun left bukit merbah tercinta. tkc is snobbish lah ape lah. haih. knoe us first then baru menilai lah. hee.

nway, tq anny and everyone for making it a happening gath.
tq to my mum jugak yg berhempas pulas selepas subuh memasak nasi goeng utk kami semua. hee.

syg titans.muah2.


yg plg outstanding mesti lah si ashwinnie mohd shah.
win, mmg naik abes babe.
xpe, ko still mama vougue jua. ;)

tmnet bongek

ow.br tau mak gune package limited internet first 60 hour 44 bucks pastuh if overused dia charge. babi gle. naseb mak ngadu asal bil sampai 400? wat d? dah2. tuka combo 60 bucks sudah.. piss of gle.

i and only i

it may be weird.
classic.
kampung.
unmodern.
boring.
lame.
super exaggerate.
sad.
unwanted.

but i dun think so.
i luv all those u think its weird or stupid.
i luv islam, baju kurung and tudung.
i wanna go mekah and save up rather than shoping branded things.
so?
i will never satisfied eveyone.
and i juz dun want to.
cuz d one that i shud satisfy is me.
i and only i!

puisi hari jumaat

semalam aku pegang erat ibu, aku sebut syahadah berulang kali,hingga mengatok. kalau aku mati di samping ibu, aku harap aku tak jadi anak derhaka.. aku harap aku tak buat ibu sedih lagi..
pagi jumaat, ibu kejut tegas. subuh,subuh..
aku buka sebelah mata.
malas.
tidur lebih enak.
slimut khinzir lebih asyik.
terbgn aku dgn waras tatkala jam tunjuk sudah lapan jarum pendeknya.
hari ini jumaat.mungkin hari kiamat.
dan aku?
aku tidur dgn lena.
seolah2 masa tadi dapat u putar sewenang2.

to paklah: nothing last forever!

It is so easy to see
dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

[Bridge]
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

[Chorus]
Everyday
With every worthless word
we get more far away
the distance between us makes it so hard to stay
And nothing lasts forever,
but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

[Bridge]
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

[Chorus]
Everyday
With every worthless word
we get more far away
the distance between us makes it so hard to stay
And nothing lasts forever,
but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Though we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too
reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you
find somewhere to place
the blame
But until then the fact remains

[Chorus]
Everyday
With every worthless word
we get more far away
the distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word
we get more far away
the distance between us makes it so hard to stay
And nothing lasts forever,
but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

nothing last forever=maroon5

sy tak suka jd diri sy harinie

zue: xpe,kalo diaorg semua takmo kawan ashu, M11 sentiase di sisi ashu..
ashu: i knoe..=) (menangis dlm gembire...)

lokap?

encik, saye nk buat report.sy hilang purse. dlm tuh ada ic and lesen kete and kad bank..kad bank xde duit..
tercicir bila pg shopping..duet ade la sket dlm purse tuh.rm5 like dat..

sigh!

goodnite nobody!

You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place her
I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah



gudnite by maroon5.. dedicate!

ashu,gudnite,hope everything work out juz fine~

saya bukan fatimah!

Tuhan
Aku tak mintak perasaan ini
Aku tak mahu ali kalau aku tahu aku bukan Fatimah
Aku tak sempurna
Aku memang tak tahu apa2
Lebih teruk dari teruk
Apa yg aku tahu
Hanya senyum makan tidur
Tgk tv sudah jarang
Masak? Macam lah ada org berani makan
Haha
Harapan kata seorg kawan selagi ada jangan putus asa
Apa harapan pun aku tak mengerti
Senang2 tak perlu berharap
Tapi aku tetap berdoa
Supaya aku menjadi lebih baik dari Fatimah
Agar aku beroleh yg lebih baik dari ali
Haha
(lihat.. aku tau lah tak ada harapan)
Saja..

Saja mengacah takdir..
Yg aku tak tahu..
Seperti si gadis berangan kahwin anak raja
Seperti org yg bercita2 mahu jadi terkenal
Mungkin aku akan katakan mereka senang sahaja dapat apa yg dimahukan
Tapi di sebaliknya adalah usaha mereka, bukan ?

Tuhan takkan ubah nasib aku. Itu aku tau. Aku yg kena ubah sendiri..

Shashu! Maju2. hurm~

Saya tak mahu ali..
Saya tak mahu jadi Fatimah..
Saya hanya mahu jadi diri saya….

lucky.. am i?

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh


Jason Miraz Feat Colbie Callait..lucky~

i thot so..

look, if only i cn say this once-- u deserve a good and beriman guy ok.. not the selekeh, minum arak, semayang tak cukup, tapi kaya? lagi senang hati kaya budi bhs then kaya duit, ok.. i wish that u nampak the guy that ur up with depends on who u r jugak.. kalo u jenis demand, dia mesti lah jenis pengikut. kalo jenis 'yes,syg' mestilah dia jenis pijak kepala.. kalo jenis nangis je.. mestilah dia jenis tak reti nak ckp betol.. kalo ckp betol u nanges, mau dia nak handle.. and the lists go on. don't be that gurl or u'l be ending wif that kind of guy.. ok? ergh! piss off lah dgn benda yg tak complicated tapi u guys are so glued on! wat the...

tuh laaa

tuh laa kecik2 tak nak mampos dh besa menyusahkan org!

hurm.
like i care wut d hell u think of me..

like u knoe me better than i do!

who are u to judge me? as if i deserve to be judge, anyway!

ergh!

god, how plastic i can be?

i wish i cud struggle that homo sapiens to death!

shut up?

what d..

fine!

im going to bed.. allah, pliz forgive me for not forgiving her! i juz cud not take it at times..


yeah, missy! u. ergh!!! sepak kang!

shoot!

zuebeq dan midah..
anda hebat!
=)
rahsia, ok?
saya bukan fatimah..
dia ali..

hee. dan sy juga tak pasti sebenar-benarnye mahu jadi fatimah atau tidak..
mungkin sy ditakdirkan utk menjadi sang pemerhati ali si wajah bersih..yg setia!;)

*sighh!!

era shazeera! @ er-er.. nah!!

kerap kali ku bermimpi..

kau gelar dirimu sultan dan aku hamba..
bila aku terjaga kau adam dan aku hawa..
bukankah aku sudah cukup tersiksa terjerat dalam sangkar emas..
aku ini kan sebahagian daripadamu..
utk kau hormati..sayangi.utk kau lindungi sampai ke hujung nyawa.
aku kalut dan penuh amarah.
benci dan tersentap aku entah bila kau pura-pura senyum dan berkata manis kalah madu disalut gula..
topengmu mungkin sudah lali dgn drama swasta sampai aku tidak puas melihatnya lagi dan lagi.
aku masih rindu kau yg dulu.dulu kau tenang dan damai.
tapi masa merubah dirimu menjadi bengis dan penuh dendam.
apakah jendela takkan terbuka lagi?
masih mahukah sang pelangi memunculkan diri mengubati hatiku yang walang gersang dek tindakanmu yang membabi buta mengheretku ke satu daerah melemaskan semangat dan kalbuku.
aku kalah dalam menilai keluruhanmu.
sungguh aku malu berdamping dengan si penakut lagak berani.
walau dunia bertempik memanggil kau hero perkasa, tapi percayalah, aku masih lagi bernafsu untuk bisa membezakan lauk yg busuk dan lazat. masih waras utk membezakan mana angin mana api.


sudahlah hati..
sabarlah..
jangan terlalu berdalih.
satu hari yg benar pasti menang.
satu hari yg terpenjara pasti akan bebas.
hapuskanlah sangkar emasku.
aku mahu ke langit biru.ku rindu berada dalam dakapan awan bahagia.
sultan yang adil sudah lama mangkat dalam sanubariku.
aku hamba merdeka.merdeka dari letih dan penat.

sudahlah hati..
tidur sahaja.
hari esok pasti akan pergi jika hari ini tak kau perangi habis-habisan.
ayuh mimpi. bawaku pergi..

pergi ke suatu tempat suci tanpa raja berhati batu berlagak gagah!

recent motto

i may not be the best...still, im not the worst!=)

medical check up memories=)

1.shah alam, seksyen 5, sek rendah agame whch happen to be sek rendh abel and salwa-sgt dekat dgn uitm juge..
2. tdo di umah ma fatima@umah midah tapi midah kat umah makcik
3.bgn kol 6.15am-terawal sepanjang cuti.haha.
4.hans dtg mlm itu utk menumpang loads of her stuff kat bilik stor D27B
5.tumpang kete syapiiq bersame irsyadiah,syam,nana rani.. and bcoz we r doin medical ch8 up kat sek agame so nana and syam hv to pki tudung. sgt lawa.. wish dey will satu hari pki tudung.amin..
6.i volunteer at glucose test counter wif nana elyana
7.iv lost count how mny ppl iv prick deir hands but 2,3 makciks ignorantly thank me like 'tq doctor'.. warm feelings linger around me..cool gle. hee~
8.had a vewy nice nasik lemak.. nyum2.
9. dah abes kat sha alam, join syapiiq g pwtc.. again the crowd wus d same in the avanza.. me, irsyadiah,nanarani and syam..only that nana and syam dh selamat membuke tuds.. nway, ozy wus der also. kwn syapiiq dak royal medical college i guees. hee. so sweet tau her face.
10. pwtc ada diving expo. mcm nak angkut hana je suro dtg cuz i knoe she loves diving.. nway, here we are. pwtc afte like haf n hour carik parking.gle penoh..
11. kna amek visitor pass tuh.. cool. ade kenang-kenangan. haha.
12.as usual i volunteer myself wif wat im pro wif--BMI! hee=) seronok gell hell bile i dpt promote kat dak2 skolah. bile inteview cikgu dia, dia ckp dak2 nie perintis sekolah bombe hampe ntah. wah! menarik. 1st time dgr. hehe. byk gile dak2. ade lah dlm 20 lebey kot aku buatkan.. 'cepat2, cikgu korang dh ngamok dah tuh' i wus super laju ok, buatkan utk diaorg sumeh. hee.
13. then, makan time! yeehaa.. aunty syapiiq blanje 10bucks tuh.. for makan. kitaorg makan kat chicken hut tau. wee=) sedap hingga menjilat pinggan. haha. tapi si syam dgn nana xde. g tgk hancock kot. wuu. envy sgt but tak smpi hati tinggal syapiqq nyer booth. ramai hek org..
14. nway, aunty syapiq is the owner of the only hovercraft kat msia tau! she bought it frm italy! hee. suke!! and guess wat, her husband is amar.. d singer nayid yg baru tuh. i knew amar from majlis kawen doc salmi.. nway, kna lah panggel pakcik ammar, ye dak. hehe.
15.makan kat the mall! wah, the mall. =) sgt suke g cni mase kecik2 dulu..then sambung keje which i paling tak gemar-->check BP! sbb tak reti bebonar nak mendgr the sounds but i brave myself juge.setelah 'dibakar' oleh irsyad gak. ok2, aku buat BP! hee.suke! byk gile patient.. sian irsyad kna marah dgn pakcik mane ntah. ade ke pakcik tuh tanye young and old wuts d difference of age sbb kat history paper tuh ade tules young-120/80 and old-140/70 kot. brape entah. kecoh betol. bak kate makcik syapiiq, this students r giving u free medical ch8 up lah.wuts d fuss? ergh!
16. sgt penat tapi seronok..
17. kami semua ade symptom waki syndrome.
18.irsyad protegee waki.
19.syam sgt chomel--> "syam,masuk syam.. " padahal dia suro irsyad masuk. haha. "nana, i tau u takut tapi siput tuh bleh begeraak" tuh ketam lah bukan siput.haha..
syapiiq: stros je kan? straight+ teros
irsyad: anak jahanam kat aku.which i forgot why the hell terkeluar begitu.haha (dia mama pki tudung, papa syapiiq kami gurls anak2.haha)
nana: wah, kete nie begoyang mcm.....xxx heheh.

dan byk lagi terms yg pecah perut, adoi. wat a day,lah. sy takkan lupe! slamat berjuang doctors!

smoking deadly

sy br pulang dr membeli belah di max vallu.
semase meyorong keluar dgn bahagianyer ke kereta perdana, saye berase terkejut kerana mendapati 2 org remaja mungkin saya tilik di usia 13 atau 14 tahun sedang dgn asyikknya berbual2 sambil menghisap rokok?
sy jijik dan kasihan melihat anak bangse sendiri membakar paru2 mereke dgn begitu ignorant sekali. bapa sy menoleh 2x hanya utk memastikan mereka perempuan dan sedang memegang putung rokok dgn begitu bahagia sekali.
sbg seorg pelajar perubatan ada sy diajar tentang rokok sewaktu respiratory block dan bagaimana pentingnya soalan:adakan anda merokok semase taking ur patient history. rokok durjana ini mmg lah sy tau walau tak blaja pon di kampus yg terbentang di dada akhbar tanpa segan silu yg bahawasanyer remaja perempuan semakin ramai yg menghisap rokok. tp ini adalah kali pertama sy melihat remaja perempuan sebegitu berani tanpa malu merokok di khalayak awam.. sy sudah biasa dgn pemandangan wanita merokok tp remaja perempuan? belum pernah dan ini adalah pertama kali..

allah, bantu bangsaku ya allah. dari terus me layu!

Lyrics: Kt Tunstall - Suddenly I See

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me x2

yer.yer

CUCMS ku.

im coming!

international?

err.. iv been read by indon n dubai???

wah, blogku goin international..

haha~

meliwat?

anwar dituduh meliwat lagi?

come on lah.

xde modal laen dah ker?

heh~

a sudden quick hello to PD

yup.. g PD lah pulak..
sesat lah pulak.
bawak tikar n bangku tadika chomel.
the best part wus angin pantai.
masyaallah, u can't beat that feeling laa babe.
the feeling of 'aku bebas'..
best2.
and sbb dok terlentang bwh pohon rhu tuh lah sy shahirah shuaib akhirnyer berjaya dgn cemerlng gemilang trbilang menghabiskan karya hamka:tenggelamnya kapal van der wijck.
membeli naskah itu pada 26 april 2006 - habis jun 08.
tahniah!! hee.
panjang gak jodoh aku dgn si kapal..
dpt focus babe~
angin tenang..aman damai.


tapi, kalau takut dilambung ombak jgn berumah di tepi pantai kan..

naaah, sy enggak takut.
sbb semua di bumi ALLAH ini ada risiko lah..

wee.
n9, ku pulang jua akhirnyer~

SEPI

wilayah cinta bertaburan musnah
dijajah dendam amarah
amuk si penagih janji mengungkit setia
sepi kembali menerjah jiwa
tak mampukah aku melayar bahagia bersama abadi?
tak layakkah aku merindu sang bulan?
sungguh2 ku pujuk bundar kelopak mata menahan sebak bertandang
biarlah..
biarlah harapan memagari bintang
pada mentari sore ku berpaut
terangilah alam walau hatiku kelam!

wat d?

Hatiku telah kau curi dan kurela...

now i knoe

now i knoe d feelings..
dat feeling of 'yeah, maybe ur rite'
dat feeling of 'y dun i think of dat'
dat feeling of 'ur so cool i wanna b juz like u'

but i am wut i am.
i may not b as witty as u r
i may not hv dat creative mind
or whatever gud things dat u hv

but i still love being me..

and im glad i do..



me: im not perfect. i cn hear u. i do. its juz dat i dun gv a damn nemore.

im free! independant at last...

weight it

i learn one thing harinie.. out of many ppl u jumpe, u'l sure regret knowing sumone. but dat feeling of hatred and menyesal went awy when i think of how bless i am to meet and be freinds with sumone yg will help u when ur in a disaster and not juz stand by u when ur ok,sounds and smells gud. in dem i hav my faith in humilty. in dem i find strength..
even sgt sikit org yg akan tlg kite but sikit is better than nothing. sikit is better than ramai tapi plastik..

which brought me to ponder and reflect. how wus i as a fren?
of course i hv my favourites and the one i better like to mingle wif.
but as i grew, i learn not to judge ppl nemore. org yg plg kite benci for no reasons will d ones yg akan tlg kita..

dunia nie sfera.

i dun hv to go sailing juz to prove dat~


;)

chill lah, shu. life must go on~

i live to eat ;)

22nd june-8.36 pm.

went to doc's salmi son's wedding..

i wore pink. una wore blue. abah n mak wore coklat. oh well, we look handsome.. despite my jerawat yg tak segan silu inlammation kat epidermis, go on.. i dun gv a damn.. maybe risau pasal duet. oh duet, di manakah kau..

nway, back to tmn sri ukay--> putrajaya, at de sri endon sth.. tapi sri endon kat putrajy lah nama tempt tuh.. grand giler. tapi syg x ramai yg datang..

the young man man wore smashing handsome black and his wife wore lawa giler baju pengantin tuh aku pon nak-marron lace jarang tapi tutup aurat cover dgn kaen marroon.. wah, sgt shantik ok.. padan dgn org yg pki..
dah lah both 2nd year nak msk 3rd year.

gulp! which means, like im getting married next year? wut d f? cool lah jodoh awal kan. hee. doctors (well, most of my proffessors, or all of u?) kahwin masa 2nd ord 3rd year..

tabah gle.. aku bgn pagi pon malas.. jgn harap aku nk masak or basuh bj ke hape.. erk. read:totally not ready and tak nak pon(xde calon lg la wey.haha.)
nway, start wif a bit dragging of the emcee. makcik over! sorri makcik. over tetap over tapi tudung u glam. i like!

ade doc mashitah.. cun gle body dia.. husband dia really looks like doc salmi, hee. and ade gak doc fadzilah kamsah.. chef liza.. hurm.. sape lagi. as usual, encik mail and his wife! wee, biase gle doc tuh, respect seyh.. padahal ketua doctor kat hospital besar kedah.. pergh.

am imagining where am i in few years to come..

oh well, the tempat bersanding wus so grand yet simple..
gosh, aku nak hell tangkap gambar kat situ tapi mcm over lah plak. hee.
lupa plak nk tangkap gambar kat gerbang dgn si una.. tak pa lah, nxt time org kawen mintak2 lah ada gerbang.. hee..
the couple wus so sweet. naek tangge, duduk, sume pgg tgn.. hee. br lah sehati sejiwa ya dak.. heh.

nway, i wus imagining his face right der beside me.. gosh! bye2 lah him.my jejake impian wishing list perfectly fit bla3..
sbb kalo aku terbyg org tuh slalunya bukan dia..
ala, beranagn jap.. tak salah kott..
perasaan yg tiba2 dtg tanpa kehendak aku.. haha. ala,susah lah kalo dgn dia pon. we are so different..
but i like him nway.love kot. cinta dia kerna cintaku pada allah. serius it feels like dat, heh. luv him for making me change and saying the things that i wanted a real man said to a lost gurl. heh.

oh well, better luck next time!

chup! foodsss!!! agak sama lah dgn food yg ade kat majlis kahwin org lain but the dessert wus superb.. nak aje aku cilok msk dlm hangbag byk2. hehe. puding karamel.. waaa. nak lg! ade nasi ape ntah, tapi sedap, then kambend ade, ayam ade, daging ade, sweet n sour fish ade, iksh2. sedap2. i tambah 2x. hee. smpi abg waiter tuh kalo nk bg food kat meja 24 mesti sua kat aku dulu.. haih bang, perli nampk.. naseb muke mcm anas(my oledi 2nd fav man. heh. idop lagi kah?) so xde lah bad mood sgt, hee.. see, hati sy kecik tau.. haa. merajuk tak lama..


lalala! iksh. nak kawen laa... nak mkn? haha ;)

liar3x

senang nye kna tipu.. jgn jadi mcm diaorg.. dapat sms dari nerake pon kata bertuah dapat ke syurga pon percaya agaknye.. tahniah anda menang 100 ribu. hello, sape nak bagi? kalo baek sgt meh lah dtg umah aku bagi dr tgn ke tgn tuh pon simpang malaikat 44 mati idop blk xde halnye org nk buat mcm tuh..
senagnye kna tipu, sebok sgt kejar dunia.. habis sini kan sementare.. akhirat tak nak menang? tak nak berjaya? tak nak hebat? kau nie senang sgt kna tipu dgn keindahan dunia.. jgn jd mc tuh laa. sabar sket.. tak cukup sabar lah agaknye org yg senang kn tipu nie ya dak? ya lah, siapa tak nak senang sekelip mata. sapa tak nak kaya bersenang lenang suka hati kenyang perut org sua bantal, kita apa pagi teros mengatok pejam mata.. hoi! bgn2x! ape ke jadah nye nie.. semua kna tipu ajer.. dah2.. tak payah menangis.. bukan boleh bawak balik duit yg hangus.. bukan bole merubah apa2 pon! ingat! pisang tak berbuah 2x.. sekali kena, lu ingt sendri laa! heh.. ingat sendiri.. ya lah, dunia nie penuh tipu daya, drama kotor dengki khianat semualah.. kita mmg lah akan di tipu juga tapi jgn jadikan alasan utk menipu org laen pula.. sbb org boleh tipu awk bukan sbb tuh awk boleh tipu org pula. itu bukan pandai tapi bangang lagi ada lah. dah tau tak betol, nak ikot org tak betol buat apa.. sampai ke sudah, merry go round, dunia tak aman daaa.. org lain tipu, biar lah dia.. cepat sgt terpengaruh.. yg biar diri dipengaruhi setan laknatullah kenapa? suka sgt geng dgn musuh pandai penipu nie kenape? dah suka sgt menipu sampai diri sendiri pon nak ditipu? haa. tipu lah.. tipu diri kau sendiri puas2! puas?


puas hati aku!

iv been a cruel me lately

cruel-for eating so much-i love to eat-u name it-i can eat 3 pinggan nasi w/out talking-which mean im focusing to finish so dat i cn tambah lagik-time is food bebeh-despite of frens yelling at me how fat i wus-diulangi=fat lagi gemuk dan sendat-but when i saw food, i can juz lupe my ikarar sumpah janji and began eating-wah-sgt bahagia-cruel-for letting my frens down-but seriously i wus thinking, im always der lah ppl, in ur hearts.. thou im not der, i'll still sms or frenster testi thingy.. oh well, wuts in a fashion show peraga body yg dulu gemok but now kurus(aku salute seyh..bagus tol keazaman diri tak mcm aku..) and also tayang brand2 brg korang plus kebolehan make up kalah mak andam n sebagainyer.. (aku tak against korang lah obviuosly.. juz mengdescribe jerr..hee. biaselah pompuan..dak colloge lak tuh. mestilah pandai bergayer. hee) cruel-for doing wut i wus not suppose to.
cruel-for not having the things i wanted to do, done.. like kemas rumah, shoot, rumah is like hurricane seyh.. warghh!!! i need to do isyak now-sujud syukur, taubat sumeh. sbb dh lama tak buat and terase nk buat plak. hee. ok, dats a gud gurl! finally~

ehem2, mak nyah potong rambut aku arituh cakap rambut aku nie buat rebounding ker? haha. i'l take dat as a compliment ok.. rebounding pon aku tau frm iklan tv..

hee, guna shampoo je lah akak.. ;)

old lady revisited (act 2)

s) i need to save up money. 2 thou gone sbb accident sgt memberi kesan kat aku. even duet mak yg kuar and i did pinjam frm nana kerr and aimi seniorku yg baek hati but i need to berjimat gak as much as i cud. so that i won't trouble mak dat much n hopefully cn byr blk duet nana and aimi using my own savings.

h) i need to RE-study smart for musculo and get an A- like parvin.. org india cam dia pon bleh, lg lah org islam mcm aku. ada doa, ada berkat. ada allah. go,go ashu!
starting dis 1st july, i'll follow ira balik umah dia and i wont trouble mak nemore. and tak bazirkan duit minyak abah..

a) starting melangkah ke cyber dis 1st july gak, i'll puasa hari2 to save up money.. and am thinking of buka puase wif maggi. iksh, tak sehatnyer.. nanti lah tgk. perlukah aku memasak sup bunjut adabi? bubur carrot? ntah..

s) ashu, bgn pagi lah wey.. dah ar maken naek kilo.. tak sdar diri lagi.. byk benda sy perlu korbankan akibat acccident tempoh hari.. saye tak jadi keluar dgn adaw kwn baik di uia. HURM. hope lu phm lah condition gua=)

h) musculo wus my last hope. u shud imagine how crushed to pieces i wus when i saw up der, lagi satu markah nak B-? argh. sabar je lah.. tak lawalah C+ walau sy tetap bersyukur kerna tak pernah fail.. alhamdulillah. tetap bersyukur jua.. so u shud also imagine how berat hati i am as well to take short sem-pay 500 bucks and repeat musculo again?-sigh! xpe, i'l never gv up ya allah. nvr!

u) accident tempoh hari mengajar saya erti apa hidup ini. saye belajar yg kita ine semua ade kekuatan dan kelemahan. sy nampak kekuatan ibu dan kelemahan ayah di kala kabut dan kelam nya hidup. saya buang jadikan sempadan mana yg kurang dan amek mana yg baik jadi teladan. usah membebel sgt melabel org itu dan ini.. kita semua tak sempurna hatta ibu dan ayah juga tidak sempurna tapi sy belajar utk jadi tidak pendendam. sy belajar utk redha dgn ketentuannya. sy belajar utk menghargai diri sy, sy blaja utk menjadi manusia. manusia yg kenal siapa penciptanya, yg kenal siapa allah!

reflection of an old lady of a young heart.

ntah laa.
hati ini meronta2.
hijrah, shahirah. berubah. bergerak. pantas.
juga berasa kosong. kehilangan.
aku mencari islam yg cacat dlm pundak ku.
aku mencari islam yg maken layu dlm keping2 jiwa ku.
aku mencari nilai islam dalam hati. aku marah hanya pada diri sendiri. sedih dgn sesungguh hati, kesalahan demi kekhilafan yg sengaja aku tak sengaja aku lakukan. aku ambil peduli semua komen yg dilemparkan kpd ku. semua tohmahan dan cercaan.
hati ini memberontak.
ada sahaja akal ku mahu mencerca dan menjerit amarah kembali.

kenapa?
kenapa perlu aku marah pabila mereka mensimbah api kpd ku? kenapa tak ku tepis tenang ke tepi kiri dan kanan atau tiup sahaja menghala jendela.. biar pergi.. tak singgah di hati. amek mana yg baek buang mana yg kotor.
mengapa mesti simpan attitude 'aku betul' itu sentiasa?
perlukah kita menegakkan benang yg kuyup? ego sgt kah aku? hebat sgt kah aku? hv i so much pride in myself that its ruing me?

aku berlari sungguh2 ke arah utara cuma dikecewakan dengan kepenatan aku dan di permainkan pula dek oasis si harapan palsu.
ah, aku takkan mudah patah hati dgn ujian mu, tuhan.
aku takkan persanga buruk dgn ketentuan dan takdir yg kau tentukan padaku.
aku takkan sedih seperti seorg ibu kehilangan anak.
jika aku seorg ibu yg kehilangan anak pun akan ku cuba telan pahit ini ya allah.

kerna semua di dunia ini hanya sementara. semua ini Kau pinjamkan kepadaku hamba mu yg sentiasa perlu kpd keredhaan mu. aku redha ya allah. wang aku hilang. harta benda aku hilang.
jika nilai ini yg perlu aku byr untuk sebuah keinsafan dan hidayah mu, aku sanggup ya allah. aku sanggup telan kepahitan ini, ya allah. aku sanggup.

kerna baru aku tau sekarang, sebenar2 tahu. kekuasaan tuhanku yg bernama ALLAH. sesunnguh2 sedar aku. sepenuh kesedaran aku.
DIA, ALLAH yg menghidupkan aku. kita semua di bawah kuasanya. hidup dan matiku.

ya tuhan, terima kasih.

kau goncang aku dari tidur yg cukup nyenyak.
kau gegarkan jiwaku yg lemah dan lalai.
kau panggil dan seru kembali roh ku yg aku sia-siakan.

ampunkan aku ya tuhan.
yg selalu lupa kdpmu bila aku sng dan berjaya.
bila aku susah dan nyawa di hujung pedang, baru mulutku laju menyebut namamu. ya allah, macam mana nie ya allah. ya allah, apa dh jadi ya allah. astaughfirllah. lemah nya aku ni ya allah.
kau baru bagi ujian sikit, aku sudah menangis semahunya. aku sudah menyalahkan diri ku seolah2 aku menyalahkan takdirmu.

shahirah, dgr sini. yg lepas kalo ko tangisi pon takkan berubah apa2 yg terjadi. apa yg musnah tetap telah musnah. musibah telah terjadi. redha lah jiwa yg lemah pada ketentuan tuhan mu.
ya, aku terima ya allah. aku terima. aku yg kurang islam ku ya allah, yg cacat islam ku. dan kau peringatkan ku ya allah. kau maha pemurah maha penyayang. aku kini sedar. sedar susungguhnya. terima kasih tuhan. terima kasih.

miss tudung glam: selamat berangkat menunaikn umrah!

zubeq! =) slamat memjadi tetamu allah..slamat menunaikn umrah..byk2 besbr ye..

sume org, doakn zubeq and family slamat pergi and balik.. amin! smoge zubeq menjd org yg kuat ibadatnye di tanah suci dan moge2 berterusan bile kembali.. amin~ insyaallah~

beqq akan berangkat ari khamis.. which is esok.. jer. slame sminggu bersame family tercinta.. wah, terkenang pandangan ku yg terakhir, melambai kaabah pergi.. sigh. iv went to mekah for umrah when im 12, dajah 6.. sape ade duet, sile lah bwat umrah n haj before tutup mate. its worth ur money.. and ape lg yg kite dambekan drp ketenangan.. pegilah ke sane bile berkemampuan.. takkan same tenang di sana dan di sini.. ya allah, berilah aku kesempatan ke sana lagi.. amin!

encik remy my love: revisited...

wif luv:19 years of memory....


I keep forgetting that u were my hero when I was a kid…
I was ur heroine(obviously)
I well verse ur script
I memorize ur jokes
I sang ur song
I cried when u cried
I laugh when u laugh
I hate it when I hv to depart awy frm u
Now that im older, I wish not to forgot that Im ur lover
Forever n ever
I miss ur smile and ur funny lines
I wish to hug u tight and kiss u hard
Now that ur long gone and although u’ll nvr knew how much I adore u
Believe me, u’l alwez be in my heart.. like u hv alwez be in each soul of malaysians no matter what colours we are.
I feel like ur still here, so far yet so near.. I do.


drp peminat setiamu dari usia ku 2 tahun.. shashu~




Al-fatihah buat seniman yg tiada galang gantinya, p.ramlee… kau hidup tak lama.. kau pergi sudah 35 tahun.. walau ditangisi air mata darah sekali pun takkan kembali p.ramlee..


p.ramlee :19 tahun dalam memoriku..tak akan pudar hingga nadiku terhenti.. p.ramlee the musical (2) di Istana Budaya ku tonton bersama keluarga tercinta pada tanggal 7/6(juga merangkap hari jadi agung tuanku mizan, moga allah panjgankan umur tuanku.. ) telah menggamit kembali zaman kecilku bersama p.ramlee. aku membesar bersama p.ramlee. dia guruku yg terawal sekali. mengajar aku erti suka dan duka. terima kasih p.ramlee. kau lah penyelamat zaman kecilku kerna aku tak dapat bayangkan tika yg lebih manis selain drp saat2 aku ketawa tanpa heti kelucuan geli hati memakai pampers,menyoyot susu, dan mata hanya tertumpu pada kau di kaca tv di depan ku..

i dedicate this poem to everyone who loves p.ramlee, his movies and everything about him..

oxford graduation day

menarik hari nie..
saye nyaris2 ditinggalkan si bhavani sbb dia menyangka saye sudah pergi dahulu mengikuti jejak si hamidah dan nana.
bayangkan reaksi muka saye dan betape heart rate saye akan increased, ditambah dgn palpation dan juga rase senak di perut kerana kelebihan asid yg disecrete due to stress gitu kerana tak dapat mengikuti kelas DOC Jeya. walaupun Doc Jeya mmg baik hati dan sentiasa tidak memaksa kami menadah telinga menyiksa jiwa berjam lamanya di atas kerusi hitam atau kelabu namun kadang kala saya mengantok juga dah tewas dek pujukan si setan laknatullah.
menarik hari ini,
setelah, 2 hari saye memakai kasut baru tiada siapa pon yg menegur kecuali hamidah walaupun sy katekan padanye yg itu kasut lame tp baru dipakai tapi tidak begitu sebenarnya. sy pon tak pasti kenapa reaksi saye begitu namun hakikatnya saya beli kasut itu di Giant Senawang dn hanye berharge rm10 ringgit. owh, saye tak perlu barang mahal2, laenlah kalo billionaire, mungkin sy akn jadi pemilih sket sbb mungkin nk jaga standard agaknyer.. ya lah, duit byk mane pon bkn bleh masuk dlm kubur pon.
menarik hari ini,
semua org dapat rase penangan PBL bersama Prof Hamdan.. setelah lama tidak berdiskusi bersama2, kami kembali lagi ke meja makan yg memuatkan kami 7 org. owh ya, era tidak ada tatkala itu kerana ada hal bersama datuk M yg perlu dilangsaikan. kesian dia kepenatan sewaktu muncul di daun pintu E15B.
pada mulanya saya agak stress juga. ya lah, takut juga kalo disoal prof hamdan dgn soalan2 yg bombastic atau sgt simple smpi panik. haha. pelbagai andaian dan gambaran silih berganti. sewaktu lecture bersama doc Jeya habis tepat pukul 1, saya bergegas ke comp lab untuk mengerjakan PBL last kopek sebelum bertemu satu lawan satu dgn oxford.. panggilan secret code saye kepada Prof Hamdan.. apabila jam menunjukkkan pukul 1.25, debaran di hati hanya tuhan yg tahu. saya dlm dilemma. nak pg semayang ke nak pahamkan lg PBL nie? nanti kalo masuk lambat dapat 0 untuk attendance. saye bulatkan dlm hati untuk semayang kemudian.. dan saye tak menyesal kerana tatkala mimi masuk tepat pukul 2 namun si oxford sudah ada di situ, dan mahu mengambil attendance, 0 for you. ke jam sy yg lambat? allahualam. tapi sy agak tersinngung sbenarnye dgn diri sendri. kenape saye nak sgt keredhaan oxford tapi bukan tuhan? kenapa saya rela kurang markah dgn allah tapi tak mahu kurang markah dgn manusia?
atau berbalik pada square one, mengapa lambat sgt atau lama sgt untuk sy amek masa utk memahamkan PBL? mengapa tidak saya mampu memulakan kerja saye seawal yg mungkin dan melangsaikan tugas dgn lebih cepat dan effisyen? mengapa saya malas sgt untuk membuat sesuatu kerja atau tugasan yg diamanahkan dan mula terhegeh2 stress kan diri apabila di waktu2 crucial. mengapa saya tak pernah berubah walau saye tau ianya semua perbuatan bertangguh ini akan memudaratkan saye?
walau oxford beri aku dan kami semua kecuali mimi markah penuh namun dgn penuh rase kehinaan dan malu aku memberi aku markah 0 kerana memilih ke PBL awal dari semayang awal, kerana tidak bersedia wal utk PBL dan kerana sembahyang zuhur lambat akhirnya.
menariknye,
kerana sy semayang lambat jugalah saya dapat bertemu ex-mentor saye Prof Zauyah. lucunya kerana apabila sy selesai semayang zuhur, saye ingtkan prof semayang asar maka dgn sedihnye sy ingtkan sy dh terlepas zohor lalu tanpe berlengan semayang asar. apabila sy sudah habis semayang dan mahu memakai tudung, prof bertanye, asar dah masuk ke? waktu ini saye tak perasan manusia yg bersemayang di sebelah sy adalah Prof zauyah lalu kami ketawa kerana dia tak nampak saye dgn 2 matanye dan saye pon tak mampu melihat mukanya dgn jelas tanpa 4 mata saya..
menariknye,
saye sudah sematkan dlm hati(atau idea ini dari setan?haha.) sewaktu bersemayang asar yg kononye sudah masuk tadi, yg apabila ditanye org sebelah sy, sy akn menjwb saye kodok zohor. haha. dan itu pon jawapan yg diberikan kpd prof sewaktu sy br tahu yg asar masuk pukul 4.36 dan jam tgn saye yg berjenama bonia baru menunjukkan pukul 4.28, juga baru dibeli pemberian abah tersayang tapi tiada sape pon perasan kecuali saye memberitahu hamidah kerana beliau selalu duduk di sebelah sy sewaktu kelas dan ygb tahu adalah aishah dan ain kerana saye ade terckp pd mereka di surau street mall.
menariknye, lunch saye pada hari ini pukul 10.30.
juga makan malam sy pukul 5.30 dan sbb itu juga saye terlambat menghadiri usrah.
sekarang pukul 1 pagi dan saye belum lagi mentelaah pelajaran.
mungkin hari laen insyaalah umur saye dan anda panjg maka dpt sy kongsikan ape yg sy dpt dlm usrah sebentar tadi..
hari ini mmg hari yg menarik..


wasalm..

RED DAY!

its CST again -clinical skill training-prof yong,doc hamidah and prof thuaibah was present to assist all of us- and dis time its sambil menyelam minum air- we got to do venepuncture and hepa B screening.. lots happened and i bet zubeq will be the legend in venepuncture taking CST session this year as she hv to be prick 7 times.. god, i kena twice pon agak saket, imagine doubled.. aww.. nway, my mangsa is hamidah and sgt guilty dgn dia sbb salah teknik cucuk vein dia.. haih.. need to do dis so many times lagik.. =( nway, d best thing(at lest) happened is dat bahagian tgn midah yg saket is not frm my spot but the doctor nyer spot yg took over frm me, which is like, ok, at lest im not causing her so much pain after all.. ngeh2.. d most berjaye couple is nana and aliah.. owh, better pray hard the next time.. and now i knoe the ultimate feeling of trust and fear.. ya allah, gv me strength in doing dis, der will b more to come and im looking foward for it, insyaallah..

iman tak dapat diwarisi

i had a very great time wif the usrah grup yesterday..
hearing round up reminding is very refreshing..
nway, i forgot to bring along notepad so wat i managed to like remember were zati saying about rububiyah and uluhiyah.. rububiyah means allah sebagai penguasa..
uluhiyah is like doing everything for him..
kdg2 kita lupa yg ALLAH nie syg sgt kat kita.
kdg2 kita lupa yg kita lupa nak buktikan yg kita kasih pada ALLAH.
ALLAH sikit pon tak perlukan kita tapi kita yg perlukan ALLAH tapi kita lupa pulak pada ALLAH. sesungguhnya kalo kita lupa ALLAH, ALLAH pon lupa pada kita.
nauzubillah, jauhkanlah.. dah la seharian kita hidup mmg byk buat dose then kalo ALLAH lupa kita, tak selamat kita dunia akhirat, tak berkat ilmu kita, kucar kacir hidup kita, tak tenteram jiwa kita..
tak payah pg jauh2, sekarang nie mmg dah akhir zaman..
semuanye berkibalatkan keagungan entertainment dan ternyata agenda para yahudi dan mereka yg menyampah dgn sinar ISLAM berjaya.. berjaya untuk mengaburi mata hati kita untuk terus jauh dari ALLAH dan terus hanyut dengan keindahan dunia yg sementara ini..
kita hidup tak lama, gunakanlah kesempatan yg ada ini untuk melakukan kebaikan sebanyak2nya.. bayangkan jika anda ada flight untuk ke suatu destinasi dan mungkin dalam penerbangan, kapal terbang terhempas... adakah bekalan anda sudah cukup untuk ke liang lahad, menikmati isi ruang sempit itu seorang diri? tepuk dada, tanya iman.. wasalam~

juz thot the river is small

 

gadis gangga num3, sori 4 being insensitiv..

PC FAIR