kau dan aku

kau dan aku adalah satu tak kira apa
segala rintihan aku engkau selalu ada
biar kata memisah kita
biarkan saja kerana terbiasa

mengejar mimpi
yang pasti akan aku
sentiasa merasa kehilanganmu
ku akan tunggu saat bertemu

tiada henti walau di mana kita berdiri
di dalam dunia ini, biar sampai akhirnya nanti

semua tak terang di mataku
walau warnanya menyala 
ingin merasa namun, aku takkan cuba
biar kata memisah kita, biarkan saja
kerana terbiasa

credit to aizat and isma yusof 

anas dedicate kat aku..

haha. 

tenggelam timbul

dah lama aku 'puasa'..

puasa dari YM, dari internet berjam2, dari blog..
itu pun terlepas satu entri sebab (tak tahan nak luahkan jugak rasa dlm jiwa bergelora dilambung ombak) haha.

begitulah....

pro exam telah habis.

ya, habis. mcm tak cayer. biar betul, yang..

ya lah. betul2.. bukan cubaan..

kata2 senior, kata2 hannan n amal, kata2 prof semua kembali berlegar2 dalam kotak pikiran..


"u'll gonna do juz fine.. "


fuhh.. aku sebenarnyer mcm everytime nak give up nangis terguling2 kot.. tapi gagah jugak, tgk muka confident beqs, tgk muka slamber hamidahs, tgk muka cuak isha yg terror (pon still cuak) so aku mcm agak normal lah utk cuak.. hehe, muka nana yg busuk tapi kecil2 tetap cili padi = rujukan seisi rumah dlm ape2 hal yg kejahilan.. hehe.. muka aliah yg stress tapi tibe2 senyum, (hehe. ade gak org senget mcm aku;) ) and muka era yg rileks tapi dlm ati sape jer arr yg tau..

and dgn muka2 inilah sy gagahkan jugak, turun tangga rumah d27b, tangga lagi, dan masuk kunci kerete , kami pergi.....berjuang!!!!

12,15,16,17.. dan esok 18 jun.. announcement result 3rd batch...

so, now what?

TAWAKAL ,TAWAKAL, TAWAKAL...

insyaALLAH, tiada yg lebih baik dari takdirnya.. tiada yg lebih baik dari ketentuanNYa.. jadikanlah kami org yg bersyukur ya ALLAH, dgn apa jua nikmat dan kurnia yg Kau beri..

p/s: ZA! aku tabik spring ko! mmg actor kesayangan aku ah, afte p.ramlee =)

dan dia..

aku minta maaf.
aku mmg betul2 tak tahu..
walau kau tak bgtau..
tapi aku patut dh agak..
yg dia itu denganmu ada apa-apa..
sungguh aku tersentak..
tapi aku ok.. ok giler..
sbb kau dan dia sepadan..
aku dan dia.. langit dengan mantel bumi..
dan aku masih pula mcm boleh berbangga pula dgn diriku..
kerna nurani ini pernah tersentuh oleh seorg yg sebaik dia yg kau lebih dulu kenal..
aku redha..
penuh redha.

ya allah. aku tau aku sape..
kdg2 sampai aku rasa aku tak layak utk byk sgt bende yg kau takdirkan utk aku..
byk sgt nikmat yg kau bg aku tapi aku merungut pulak kepada sikitnya nikmat yg org lain ada yg kau beri tapi aku xdpt..

aku menyesal.
aku insaf....

rebah.

ya allah.. tq for today.. uv alwez given me a gud instinct..im appreciating life. every second of it..

p/s: sahabat semua 3rd batch.. one down! 3 more to go.. we can do this!! insyaALLAH! PRO EXM, BRING IT ON!

P/S: ya allah, aku takut sungguh aku lupa kau dalam aku takut pada yg selain kau....

mimpi

cool giler.
ZA aku pg cannes tuh. bakal. xtau biler.
sbb filem karaoke buatan msia layak msk pertndingan.. msk festival cannes lepas kaki bakar filem u weii (kalo x silap)
tapi bukan aku kesah pon..
tapi aku jadi terkesah sbb, pergh, si ZA nie maju siot.. menuju puncak mcm lagu AF tuh..
aku still lagi kat cni. tetibe teringt muke pkck.. (ingt, ape makna kejayaan tuh.. berjaya dunia akhirat..)

hurm..

kalo ZA leh g cannes..

aku nk tak jemu tuntut ilmu.. mcm rase best jer..
nampak jer sume bende, mcm prof latif, prof thuaibah, dr hamidah.. bila diaorg cerita sth, mata diaorg bersinar tau.. like sume tuh depan mata..

hurm..
bila nak susun sulcus ko yg berterabur nie...

hurm..

cramping

Aphasia means "partial or total loss of the ability to articulate ideas... due to brain damage."



•Motor speech area of Broca
- inferior frontal gyrus between the anterior & ascending rami & the ascending & posterior rami of lateral sulcus
- important on the left (majority)
- paralysis of speech (expressive aphasia)
- retain the ability to think the words they wish to say, can write the words & understand their meaning

- speech is produced with great effort & poor articulation, in brief utterances & word errors
- comprehension preserved


Broca's aphasia is sometimes called disfluent aphasia or agrammatic aphasia. It is named after Pierre-Paul Broca (1824-1880), a French surgeon and anthropologist who first described the syndrome and its association with injuries to a specific region of the brain.
Agrammatism typically involves laboured speech, and a lack of use of syntax in speech production and comprehension (although patients who present with agrammatic production may not necessarily have agrammatic comprehension).

well, for a moment, imagine u hv expressive aphasia..

An example of agrammatic speech:
Ah ... Monday ... ah, Dad and Paul Haney [himself] and Dad ... hospital. Two .. .ah, doctors ... and ah ... thirty minutes .. .and yes ... ah ... hospital. And, er, Wednesday ... nine o'clock. And er Thursday, ten o'clock .. .doctors. Two doctors ... and ah ... teeth. Yeah, ... fine.


The second classical aphasic syndrome is named after the German neurologist Carl Wernicke (1848-1905).
Wernicke's aphasia is sometimes called sensory aphasia or fluent aphasia.
The speech of a Wernicke's patient is often a normally-intoned stream of grammatical markers, pronouns, prepositions, articles and auxiliaries, with difficulty in recalling correct content words, especially nouns (anomia). Words may be meaningless neologisms (paraphasia).

The patient in the passage below is trying to describe a picture of a child taking a cookie.

C.B. Uh, well this is the ... the /dodu/ of this. This and this and this and this. These things going in there like that. This is /sen/ things here. This one here, these two things here. And the other one here, back in this one, this one /gesh/ look at this one.

Examiner Yeah, what's happening there?

C.B. I can't tell you what that is, but I know what it is, but I don't now where it is. But I don't know what's under. I know it's you couldn't say it's ... I couldn't say what it is. I couldn't say what that is. This shu-- that should be right in here. That's very bad in there. Anyway, this one here, and that, and that's it. This is the getting in here and that's the getting around here, and that, and that's it. This is getting in here and that's the getting around here, this one and one with this one. And this one, and that's it, isn't it? I don't know what else you'd want.

Wernicke's patients seem to suffer from much greater disorders of thought than Broca's patients, but even so, Broca's is expressive aphasia.. they are unable to express themselves fluently.. (tension,ok bcoz u cant say it out wut's inside..) so they are said to be unhappier than Wernicke's patients, who are often blissfully unaware that nothing they say makes any sense at all,(receptive aphasia) and whose higher-level thinking processes are often as haphazard as their language is.



*well, either Broca or Wernicke.. bersyukur sy ada speech area.. utk memahami dan difahami..


p/s: nen.. i think u wernicke lah.. =p

• referring to: cerebral hemisphere notes prof nasa and www.ling.upenn.edu/.../ling001/neurology.html

shuu, bile msk notes nk buat daa..

hidup

(karya si buddy ; skoolmate six years in a row.. tgn ko sgt dicemburui lah.. esp aku aar.heh)

kdg2 bila dah rase mcm lama sah hidup, lupa pula byk angan2 di antara hidup yg patutnya aku tinggalkn. tapi seronok lah berangan, bak kata zue, free jer berangan nie..

kdg2 bila suka sth/someone, i tend to like it so much. it puzzled me sumtimes. wat on earth im thinking?

kdg2 kita malu nk jadi diri kita sendiri.

diri kita yg penuh kekurangan dan diselitkan kelebihan yg selalunya org tak gunakan sepenuhnya..

maybe its time to let go.. let go of the ppl yg dh lama let go aku..

aku xnak hidup dlm angan2..

p/s: karya aliah musa lukis bunga2 cinta akan di uploadkan.. tungguu..;)

hidup utk mati

teringat...

puasa

perlu utk puasa anas abdillah, shahirah!!!

recently, hv been addicted to him! like talking and talking (aku rase dia pon dah mcm, bila ko nak stop nie..haish~)

cis..

asal lah nie..

shuhhh! go away,ok!

im not going to let anything stand between dat dream and dis dream..

p/s: eh, si bebel makin jauh kah?? ada dlm hati agaknya.. entah~

nak gadoh?

aku pernah bergaduh dgn adik aku (tgh bilang dgn jari) erm, lost count, actually.. dari gaduh main kejar2 , main congkak, sampai lah gaduh , 'mak suroh ko , laa.. asal lak aku?'

aku pernah gaduh dgn kawan2? entah. mugkin zaman beban kerja YM yg bertimbun dulu, barangkali.. mungkin. entah, tak pasti. kalau ade problem or benda tak puas hati, aku bebel sorang2 jer.. takdelah sampai bergaduh.. ala, mcm lah aku nie kwn yg baik sgt pun.. so, y hukum org lain bila she/he didn't sumhow be a gud fren to u? whch is sumhow diaorg tak perasan pon.. hello, like everyone is perfect! heh~

yeah, hv been bergaduh gak dgn mak and abah. zaman remaja agaknya. now im pre adult. mungkin. i fight for going out with frens, with ex yg bull****, and watever a remaja thought they deserve..in other words, 'freedom'.. wat the hell im thinking back then! i hv no idea~ but i realize one thing tho, that its not easy to be a parents. dulu mak pegang muat tapak tgn, abah belikan vitagen and toys even dia penat gile, and now your big grown up daughter dah pandai maki hamun like she knew better(or she thot, she knew..) heh. it sure crushed hati mak abah to see how things changed right in front of ur eyes.. plus, do u knoe y a drug addict parents, still love their drug addict useless child?

sebab mak bapak kita sayang kita tanpa syarat.. tanpa syarat!


p/s: syurga bawah tapak kaki ibu..

hari-hari adalah hari ibu..
selamat hari ibu to all the mothers in the world especially sahabat2 ku yg kepingin nk kahwin setelah membaca blog romantic kak mila (sapa terasa?? haha)

jgn gaduh dgn parents lah.. * u won't win! =)

so, wat type of a writer am i?

Menulis ibarat kita berbogel, apa yg kita tulis sebenarnya menunjukkan siapa kita. Oleh itu tulislah elok2. (Zahiril Adzim)

well, i shud say, im a confuse writer, who will lay out what i feel first then only hope for my rationality to come later and save me frm being childish and silly and lame and u name it..

heh.

pro exam... aku menghitung hari!

we will make it through...

I want the spirit of study smart, working hard and being proactive, aggressive (not aggressive as in aggressive in behaviour but in searching knowledge and improve skills) and motivated to stay with me until I achieve all my goals. This is my pledge at the moment.

kak wanie...


p/s: aku malas tapi kepingan menerobos dunia yg memenatkan itu.. putih lab coat, merah darah, dan serabut manusia pelbagai ragam dari pelbagai lapisan tapi puas hati sbb ini apa yg aku nk. rasa apa yg aku rasa? =)

life as it is..

i got a new PDA..samsung...
bukan samseng kampung , ok.. (bro, nie mmg lawak aar.. haha!!)
n was being asked by bro spontaneously charming either it had a camera..
either iv taken a pic with it.. (which is actually the real Q.. =) got u!)
plus, senyum senget n syndrome excited terkejut kamu makin menjadi2.. haih.. nk dkt pro xm agaknye hormone sume head wire...

and there's SM syndrome by the one n only sultanah balqiah.. (i tetap nak Datuk or Tan Sri or Tun drp you, ok.. jgn bila dh duduk tinggi silang kaki x itu, dh buat2 x ingt kat kitaorg plaks.. =p )
Tun Sakinah best lah kan, sbb nama kina mmg dah Tun tapi kalo dia dpt Tun mesti pelik kan nama dia? ngeh2..

congrats nana, sbb dpt jadik famous as fiona.. kalo ada org mintak signature tuh nanti, jgn lah buat2 segan plak, haha.. siap bow at the end.. mantaps.. tuh yg mahal tuh.. ;)
sapa nk tau lebih lanjut sila ke blog era @ er-er, ok.. =p


era, kamu tabahkn hati.. first time tgk mutiara jernih jatuh dr kamu..... pilu hati ini..

Tanya pada Tuhan

•Selalu aku bertanya dan terlupa apa yg perlu utk ditanya sebenarnya..
•Adakah aku bertanya kerna aku mahu bertanya atau sekadar tertanya2 apa yg akan dibalas oleh yang ditanya…
•Aku bertanya lagi, kuatkah keinginan ini utk bertanya kepada tuhan, dalam doaku.. Tentang rasa tanda tanya dalam hati perihal sesorg yang pedih sekali utk dimengerti.
•Masihkah ada ruang utk setiap pertanyaan ini utk dijwb oleh Tuhan atau aku yg buat2 tak nampak jawapan yg dicampak pada setiap soalan demi soalanku..
•Tuhan, aku kepingin sekali.. Utk menatap setiap balasanMu terhadap lintasan hatiku..
•Namun acap kali aku takut.. Adakah jawapanMu sama dengan keinginanku? Dengan kemahuanku?
•Mengapa aku bertanya kalau aku takut mendengar jawapannya?
•Aku bertanya dengan harapan kau membalas persis apa yg dibisik hati ini, Tuhan..
•Layak kah aku?
•Layak kah dlm ribuan yg tertanya2, adakah aku jawapannya?

•ya, aku tau..Tak selalunya yg kita mahu itu kita dapat..
• kerna yg terbaik utk kita tak semestinya bagi Tuhan itu begitu..
•Kita bisa memilih, tapi yang terpilih itu atas izin tuhan juga..
•Bukan?

lintasan hati...

•Hati ini pasti merasa hilang.. Sabar lah.
•Masih segar mesra itu tapi hati juga berkeras mahu mengatakan sebaliknya.
•Kerna hati ini tidak mahu lagi sekali menjual rasa yang tulus hanya kerna rasa puas nikmat berkasih, bersayang..
•Hanya kerna dunia bisa membenarkan kemungkaran dan kekotoran mengalir deras, tak bermakna aku harus terjebak sama.
•Tabahkan hati, pejuang..
•Satu hari kesabaran ini pasti akan dibalas Allah dengan sesuatu yg lebih2 baik.
•Lenyapkan rasa kecintaan kepd manusia yg wujudnya hanya sementara Cuma..
•Rasa cinta pada dia itu hanya membazir.. Jika tidak disertai dengan yang halal, dgn yang hak, dengan keredhaan tuhan..
•Mengerti?
•Hari ini yang kau lepaskan demi maruahmu, demi rasa malu yg tebal, demi rasa takut pada tuhan, percayalah, adalah lebih baik dari permata berlian dan semua isi dunia yg fana ini…
•Biarlah..
•Hanya tuhan yg tahu…

watak-watak penting

aku hanya mahu jadi yang biasa2 sahaja. kenal org yg biasa. keluarga biasa. hidup biasa..
aku tolak kebiasaan juga kdg kala. utk perkara2 yg penting seperti tuhan ku. agama ku. ada benda yg lebih penting dari biasanya hidup ini dari redupnya matamu yg memandang.
berat. berat utk tidak buat suatu yg sudah sgt terbiasa dgn hidup ini..
aku tau kau sudah terbiasanya paham dgn tindak tanduk seorang budak yang biasanya begini, lagi2 aku yg biasa ini.. doa yg biasa aku lafazkan, aku seperti mati mahu menadah pada hari yg biasa ini..


mungkin bagimu semua ini hanya biasa sahaja..
bukan biasa pula, bagiku..
bukan biasa...

hari ini untuk esok..

aku berjalan dan berjalan. mengharap bayang2 sore itu pergi. pergi lah melalui jendela putih yg kacanya retak kerna Atan marah kan bola dan bukan kakinya.
aku lupa pada kau sejenak. kau yang rupa seakan2 Atan. atau mungkin perangai Atan sama juga dengan kau. marah2 saja kerjanya.


aku berlari.cuba berlari. dan akhirnya aku lelah. penat.
penat dengan pengejaran dan pengejaran yg sia2.
kau bertandang entah dari mana.
hanya untuk mengusir aku pergi.
pergi,pergi,pergi..
aku akur tapi kaki ini tak mahu berganjak..
Jgn jadi mcm Atan, terhegeh2 marahkan benda yang tak sepatutnya dimarahi.
aku terguris lah.


itu sahaja...

sedih dlm gembira..

beratnya hati..
asal lah mcm nie..
salah aku lagi ke??
xpe lah.
ya lah.
sedar diri.
maaf, mencuri masa..
sengaja begitu.
tapi kau sedar juge.
mmg sengaja.
tapi x ade lah smpi melampau.
tak lagsung!!!

reflect

gran3x reflection..

prof ckp bleh buat 5 ayat..

in 5 sentence.. so,


sy blaja utk jadi manusia.. di sini, cucms.

done.

nah, prof..

=)

the beginning of an end

• end of public health
• akhirnye.. pening dgn byknye bende nak kena telan then kuar final bende2 itu.. differentiate health edu n health promotion.. hurm. tahniah!
• i felt cold inside.. please shashu, jgn 'mati' dlm tuh. hang on! dh xde 'nafsu' utk ape2.. ya, tak rase ape2 langsong. takut tidak, suka tidak.. kosong.. kosong..
• the beginning of a long lost war.. y long lost? coz iv not being gear up pon for pro xm this 12th of june until nab ckp, 'xpe, u sebulan lagi baru rasa' which hit me hard.. am i that hati batu?
• i need a holiday but beku lah kan.. gila, ape holiday.. kang tak holiday, lagi gila???
• ape2 lah.. life must go on, kate mr gui.. =) saye nak blk college balik!! but minus those form 4 n f5 lah.. disaster, disaster..

buddy's words..

Now, why don't we try to be deep, or shallow, or mellow.or whatever it is that we ought to be.

bud, aku cilok jap eh.. sgt mendamaikan..


ok, smalam beku, harinie damai.. apekah otakku?

haih!

any different?

ada..

saya jadi lagi cepat..

bayangan, 10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1.. dlm kepale otak..

adrenalin pumping,ok..

(tapi boleh pki lagi ke.. haih!)

attribute to Rasulullah..

seringkali ku cuba membunuh amarah itu..
entah dari mana datang bertubi2..

kalau baik, datangnya dari sana.
jika tidak, asalnya dari sana juga.

kerinduan itu menerjah kembali. tiba2.
semakin lama semakin sesak.
tapi,
aku masih jauh. jauh dari dia yang Kau paling sayangi.
terkial2 berlari, terjatuh lalu tertiarap.

targis.hina..

masih jauhnya aku dari mengikuti jejak2 perjuanganmu.
amat jauh dari huluran tangan seorg yg mulia

cahaya..
aku dambakan semuanya.
menyelubungi di sana kah barangkali?

menangis aku sendiri. lalu
aku mohon rindumu itu ada padaku.
moga mentari sejengkal bisa kau bantu hindar..

setidak2nya, aku mahu, tuhan..
aku mahu agar diberi kesempatan..

menyebut namaMu dan namanya di hembusan nafas terakhir ku.


ameen ya rab bal alamin..

p/s: zue, cayo'! =) kamu yg terbaik.. buat yg terbaik!

SAHABAT SEMUA, JEMPUT DTG ESOK, 22HB, 8MALAM, KE SMBUTAN MAULIDUR RASUL PERINGKAT CUCMS.. PERFORMANCE BY STUDENTS N PROF..

Beku!

asal aku slalu sebut beku since hari nie.. haih, beku betol agaknye..

public health mmg nampak sng, bikin buat sekali, terjelopok lah gak.. naseb tak berguling mcm PT.. heh. disaster2.. dgn last week nie, patot pulun lah shahirah ooii. haih!

owh ya, rabu nie, 22hb, sila turun dtg tgk last event yg batch kita handle ini b4 pro, n marilah melihat si zubalqiah bersajak ya.. sempena smbutan maulidur rasul.. 

sape ade jubah2 ala arab tuh (biha baju kamu wajib perform,ok. hehe) sila lah pakai ke majlis yg menghargai seorg insan yg patut kita rindu and sebut namanye setiap hari.. nabi muhammad s.a.w.. 

jumaat nie, last reflection block ramai2..masa! demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia itu dlm kerugian kecuali... (haa, tau xpe...)

then, WAR! pro exam, kau tunggu! aku dtg nie!

p/s: lutut terketar sbenarnye.. 

mcm ajis 'hey hang, hang jebat...' ..

 ya allah, bagilah kekuatan! permudahkan kami semua ya allah, go through pro exm dgn keredhaanMu... ameen!

best student mmg mcm nie..

it wus not the first time for me.. penah je stay smpi lewat malam.. 

but it wud be a first time to ber 4 org n berhimpit2 n tungkus lumus menghabiskn sth yg azab gile nak abes. org balik umah and dtg kembali ke college.. tgk kitaorg pelik.. 'dari mana, buat ape?' 

ehem2. 'best student mmg mcm nie'... 

(best student lah sgt.. heh!)

thesis! kau mmg beku lah. rase nk cekikkk jer~ erghh!

balik dgn 3 org, terhuyung hayang..

 dunia, tidurlah... kenapa sibuk sgt nie!

byk nya kerja nak dikerjakan sampai lena yang tak disengajakan itu mempermainkan.. 

ada ke mimpi, scl dah abes buat? chronic seyh.. sangat! haih~

p/s: kalo bro tanye, ckp *********** blanje.. kalo nana tanye, ckp ********** blanje, kalo bhav tanye, ckp ****************,  kalo isha tanye, kate *********** blanjer.. wee...

atas hak2 keselamatan, nama * adalah tidak bertepatan dgn bilangan nama sebenar.. ;P

(aku rindu nenek aku!!)

ampun

di satu malam yg dingin di cyberjaya d27b..

bro, kelakar gile.. kawan gua nie, bla3.......bla3

eh, sama dgn gua, cerita nie.. bla3..

eh, meh sini bro baca blog nie..

lah, nie kan blog kite...

eh, (tgh gelak pecah perut)..

bro, g balik lah tempat duduk lu..

hahahaha..

patut lah sebijik..

shashu nie kenape, buat lawak memlm bute nie..

haish.. ampon2..

morale story: blog hopping, make sure tgk dulu blog sape yg dibace.. jgn maen trabas jer..

heheh.. kelaka, kelaka..

insaf...

dah terbiasa agaknye utk memberikan response, bila org mengadu masalah, akan aku response, yg berupa cadangan jawapan.. aku kira aku meberikan pandangan ape yg aku rasa.. aku lupa yang sebenarnya yg penting ialah apa yg org itu rasa.. pedihnya hari nie. satu pelajaran yg bernilai. menggegar satu kepala. berbekas sungguh tatkala menyedari, bukan jawapan yg ingin mereka dengari tapi hanyalah mahu kita mendengar tanpa prejudis.. tanpa judgemental gitu. which i find hard. hard at first because, i dun thnk i wus wrong at d first place.. but there is no right n wrong here.. the best way to response is back kate hambe tuhan nie, jgn ckp yes or no tp tanya soalan kasi dia berfikir mcm kita berfikir.. =) saya angkat tgn dan kaki! yes. tq for today! allah hu akhbar..

wuts going on...

• zahiril adzim.. a.k.a merah..
  

merah puteh, tv3 4.30.. tgk bila bosan.. hee. lakonan bersahaja dari ZA, kdg2 mengingtkn aku pd si anas yg seakan2 jelmaan watak merah juge.. sikit lah..

kamu ape khabar sahabat? final exm, ok?

• last week of public health.. last block.. masyaallah, cepatnye masa berlalu...
  

• 'ok ke, i amek teater? ' ...... dush. dpt reply yg x sanggup nk post kat blog sbb meruntun hati gak lah sbenarnye to hv a knock in d head rather than words on encouragemnt.. haih..
• ya lah.. i take ur advise.. tak buat lah teater.. fine~ i'll be doing counselling for BEFRIENDERS.. dpt tlg org and buat ape yg i ske gak. wee. tq? heh..

Nick Adenharts death...(a reflection of a Terendak survivor)

• i may NOT know who on earth is nick adenhart but its violet clear that he is an awesome pitcher for making it to the major leagues only by my age, 22 when im shahirah shuaib still strugles to finish up my MBBS..
• oh well, the point is, nick is gone, alright. and im still alive!
• and he was dead, stuck by a motorist who ran a red light.
• SO, next time u wanna do all the worng things in life, pause and think, will i be making other ppl suffer? or rather, ASK YOURSELF,can i deal facing with the ppls that i had made into tragedy?
• we r all leaders. if not to a bunch of ppl,organization, family, or a country, but also to ourselves. thus,when u think u wanna give up and 'hit' the red light instead of waiting for green, think back, and think again.. is there anything wrong in myself that i had the nerve to even think or even choosing of doing a wrong thing in my life?
• the truth is, we know wut is wrong and wut is right in our life. we know that going to majlis ilmu is good for us. we know that ilmu yang berguna dapat membantu kita menjadi seorg insan yang lebih maju dan berdaya saing. yes, we know, we know.. but what do we do? we choose not to do anything. we choose to go out, play games all day long and all the rubbish list goes on..
  
  
  
  
  “Here today, gone tomorrow, you never know,” Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington said. “That’s why you’ve got to enjoy today."
  
  
  “A young man realizes his dream of making the big leagues, pitches six shutout innings, drives home and he’s gone,” New York Yankees manager Joe Girardi said. “Your heart goes out to that young man and his family. It makes you realize how precious life is. You have to be happy to wake up every day.”
  
  
  “It really puts things in perspective,” he said. “Don’t take anything for granted, No. 1. Appreciate what you have.”
  
  
  “The first thing you think about is his parents, his family,” Cleveland Indians manager Eric Wedge said. “It shouldn’t take a great deal to have perspective in this game, but when something like that happens, it brings you back down to earth.”
  
  Indians infielder Ryan Garko remembered seeing Adenhart during spring training.
  
  “Reality just kind of sets in, that this is a game, that this is a job, that there are a lot more important things in life (which is life itself),” Garko said.
  
  
  “It makes you want to hug your kids. It just goes to show you, tomorrow’s not promised to anybody, so enjoy today,” Reds manager Dusty Baker said. “

terendak spirit

AUGUSTA, Georgia (AFP) - Anthony Kim made Masters history on Friday with a record 11 birdies in his second round and said that reading about the death of baseball player Nick Adenhart had changed his mindset.

The Los Angeles Angels rookie pitcher was killed in a road accident in California on Thursday just hours after making his Major League Baseball season debut.

Kim, one year older at 23, said he had been upset after a disappointing opening 75 on Thursday but had put things into context after reading a newspaper report of Adenhart's death on Friday morning.

"The last line in the story was: 'You never know what can happen, even at 22. You have to live every moment of every day like it's your last.'

"I said to myself - Look, it's been a dream of mine to be at the Masters my whole life, and there's no reason to pout about a bogey or a 3-putt, but enjoy being out here and enjoy all of the hard work that was put into it by myself and my parents, and go out there and have some fun.

"I think that's what made the 11 birdies a lot easier."

i knoe..

its easier to pass on the blame.. yeah, blame me..

but y do u think its ur fault..

bcoz i shud hv did done sth.. mayb.perhaps.. or i shud hv been der..

i shud hv like promoted it to death.. or have an extra pengaruh helping hands so that my org2 pengaruh itu boleh tarik semau org dlm linkungan pengaruhnya utk ke apa2 session.. yg juga sbenarnya adalah utk kebaikan bersama..

and maybe there are times u need to learn how to deal wif ppl yg marah, dissapointed.. not to bulat2 and terima wat they said and put the blame on u.. sumtimes u cn be the fault but its not totally ur fault, dosent it.. they did promised to come.. i did told when and what..

so, nak buat apa lepas nie? maybe u cn ajak the gurls yg semangat sket nie utk help u out..


yes2. i did.. and we'll do solo this time.. u want it, u get it..


sekian.


dear u.. now i knoe wuts wrong wif me.. i dun like to be scolded. one. but the fact that i thot org akan marah2 i and blame myself is another torturing mental prob so stress thingy thats bothering me.. which i need to let it jump out of the window one day insyaallah.. tq theraphy session..sgt membantu.........

serius

ya, sy nak g jogathon.... esok! harap2 xde lah org bg aku the kiss of life.. ya allah, let me get thru this.. i just wanna finish (and kalo mng mcm lagik biar betul?haha) and go home... oh, yes. bg sokongan kat kawan2 YM1 lah kan.. nak gak contribute kat nur hikmah(kan, nama nye?)

a secret

thank you for being der when i need u the most...

terendak

mak, tak nak pegi! =(

the truth

i hate u.. do not hate me because i hate u. do not hate me becoz i lied. but its the truth. i hate u.. i hate u so much that i wish i didn't know u.. maybe ur juz a dream. a nitemare.. mayb ur just like the wind. a storm. u'll pass by. i'll survive... or perhaps i'll be wrecked up and dissapear.. i hate u. i wish i hate u from the beginning till the end. but strangely, i don't.. as much as there are so lots of reasons to love u.. im building walls around myself as a reminder.. that i should just hate u from the start.. i knoe, its wrong.. but wut's right? i wanna live for u.. i wanna see u smile.. and us talking the signs that only we knew.. or perhaps we knew.. i wonder u'll remember those days.. and i won't blame u if u don't recall anything.. coz the truth is, its not worth remembering either..

i know... that's y im going.. to hate myself for hating u. but its the truth. i hv to hate u. i have to..

change

i wish i cud bring change to someone's life...

its time to shine laa (jude's way of speaking..=)

i know of a secret. of somthing so glaring that fortunately no one notices. i had a past. and the secret lies in it. i have a future. but i seem not to run for it. i have only now and i seem to waste it like the wind blowing dust.. vanishes before u realize it.. i feel like giving my best, but there are always tons and tons of reasons or rather excuses that creativity allows as long as humans existed to not be doing what u have to do or need to do.. i hate my life dearly. so much that there are times im confuse.. is life this hateful that i dun like it? or i hate it becoz things are not like wat i wanted.. yes, i hate it bcoz its hard. but its bcoz of its difficulty that im smart. when ur crawling, and u try to walk for the first time when ur small, ur smart enuf to tell, that u'll gonna fall at the moment u try to stand and walk.. but ur smart also to say its ok, mum is der to catch me, its ok, as long as i try, its ok coz i wanna walk like those kids in taman.. so, im smart enuf to tell myself now, that u need and need to change.. change for the better, shahirah. change for the better!

camping my head in the jungle

• exhausted

its shocking to let urself be trap again with a memory of a camping 10 years ago.. dusun eco resort. i was there when im 12, standard 6. and god, i hate that place but i x remember y.. until one fine day, leadership camp in dusun eco resort 10 years later, 20-22nd March.. errr, i wonder y i hate dis place so much.. and the moment i step down from the bus mengharungi a 45 degree perjalanan maha dahsyat, which i wish Allah provided my trapezius with wings.. and walking to the dorms/rooms/ xde lah camp site.. it struck me.. i was damn lembap 10 years ago. i dun fit into orders yang sounds like 'ok guys, 15 mins lagi ada bla3, or, in 30 mins time i want you to get clean and we'l hae dinner here and her'.. with many ppl in one toilet.. man, i was way out of the place.maybe because it wus my 1st time. and maybe because i just dun feel like following.. i dun feel like moving when i wus suppose to move.. and having 10 years later, leadership camp pula, i dunno why, this feelings of nothing can beat u don unless u allow it is burning inside.. especially after the 45 or 50 degree zalim walk which i thank you puan nisaah for preparing myself for terendak.. 'thak you'.. but its thru dat long trail that i ponder of my life.. i tell myself that i can do it. obviously i can do it. and i relate it to pro exam and responsibilities of being a khalifah.. its hard, no doubt. its difficult, of cousre. but its the climb that matters.. the matter of giving up all ur negative thots and trust urself. yes, i can! sounds like obama dosent it, but its a wonderful experience. being able to mean what you feel and say.. (take deep breath and Allah, pliz let this be a istiqomah in me)

• making sth out of nothing

there are times u are left with decisions.. important decisions that u wish sumone better than urself can make it and realize it to reality.. there are times u are left to wonder, how beautiful the world around u.. flowers and butterflies.. etc. there are times u get jealous of other ppl's kelebihan and hope that u'll have sum of deir traits without realizing that wuts more importnt in life is excepting the fact that tak semua yang kita nak, kita dapat.. sebab tak semua yang kita nak itu adalah yang terbaik untuk kita, bagi ALLAH.. ya ALLAH, kalau itu yang terbaik bagi Mu, aku redha yaALLAH.. kalau itu yg terbaik..

farewell yesterday~

• sometimes i wonder, what have i done that iv been push to a place that im not familiar in.. its kind of shocking, actually. coz the last time i lost a purse is when im standard 1 and mak was there to comfort me. i found it back, anyway. the headmaster found it for me. cool gle pengaruh mak aku. haha.
• but im a 2nd year MBBS student now.. and i dun feel telling mak, bout it.that i lost my purse yesterday. maybe somewhere near roswell or college. i don't hv a clue at all.
• the truth is, actually, im kind of rilex about it. even i did lost my whole pocket money for dis wik. i can cry, or rather, should cry. but i just told myself, ini rancangan tuhan. and i let go of my sadness. mesti tuhan tolong bila kita sabar. alhamdulillah, Allah ganti kembali yang hilang, dengan duit YM3 yg ihv not claim frm nana fawzi..=)
• and yet ironically, frm the first person till the last person that i told my purse was 'vanished', seem to response concernly and standardly, 'where was the last time i last saw/carry/etc..' instead of, do u have any money left wif u? and suddenly, i became moody and sad. because nobody ask. at least one person.. but none.
• then in the early morning, when i talk to zue bout it, i came to realize that, what ppl had done to me is the way that Allah wanted to tell me, how i was, in the past. i may not take notice of wut i responded to a dear fren who lost her/his wallet/purse but today, it struck me. it hit me...
• i must hv been the same after all. totally the same, after all.. hurm~

climb

• Climb song by hannah montanna gurl.
• dedicate to CUCMS students..esp 3rd batch.. its the climb, ppl! come on!cayo'2!

happy day

happy bdy, wanie yg berwibawe slalus, yg ke 22.. =) panjg umo, mrh rezeki... ameen. cayo2, pro xm ,k.. color2 pelangi, insyaALLAH..

how high we go in life dosen't matter.. coz at the end of the day, u need to look down, on d short comings as well...

A TWIST IN A MIDST OF DISASTER...

Doa baru

• ya Allah, aku sanggup Kau kurniakan dia, dengan seorg yang lebih baik daripadaku..
• ya Allah, aku sanggup Kau gantikan dengan rinduku padaMu.
• ya Allah, aku tak sanggup lagi hidup begini.. hidup dengan rasa senang, tanpaMu. aku tak sanggup..

sering kali saya mengamuk diam. lalu seiring itu juga tenggelam dengan dunia kosong lagi hambar. tapi Tuhan itu Maha Pengasih.. dikembalikan kekuatan dalam nurani. tanpa disedari, dunia ini dengan senang hati saya lepaskan.. tak terpengaruh, jauh sekali tertarik..

Ilmu

• today, 7 march. En Saidy, [thank you for your time, sir.. i apologize for going at first without a clear mind.. but at the end of the day, indeed, pricless ilmu gain, alhamdulillah..]as the speaker for proposal/how to be good in writing ,[7 hour] course. [which i dun realize time fly so fast]
• remind me how to write a proper proposal.
• remind me of my passion in writing..
• being a big gurl among the 1st year adorable ladies(excluding fifa=p ) nab,maddy,maryam,etc.. the Student Council team mates;harith, faizal (excellent job, faizal. well done!) , charlotte, nab, kak timah..
• greedy ashu, ate 2 plate of delicious superb nasi ayam..
• atiqah told me about the idea of establishing a debate club.. its about time, actually.. we'll do it. (she's inspired with how global bahasa melayu can be with pidato antarabangsa.. =) alhamdulillah.. bahasa yg indah dapat menyentuh hati. bahasa yg tepat dapat menundukkan musuh tanpa pertumpahan darah...)
• the worries of one man, shake me as usual.. hurm~ what solutions can i find, Allah.. help!

pliz dun take my sunshine away...

i miss u.. i wish i didn't. but i did nway.. sumtimes i hv u in my prayers.. sumtimes i remeber u the whole day. sumtimes i hate it, sumtimes i dun.. but i change. i change in a way that i can't talk to u anymore not bcoz i did not want to. but i juz really do knoe u won't like it nway. as long as ur der, i knew ur der.. dats totally fine, i guess.. pathetic dosent it. but im trying. im trying my best here not to spoil myself. spoiling myself bcoz all the love that i knew from the past is sth illusion and sinful. i might not dare recalling wut i hv done in d past.. seeing my frens with their boyfriends.. as much as i wanted to say, its wrong in Islam,dosen't mean im saying its wrong to love sumone, but as u age, as u knew more knoledge and as u hear frm other respectful ppl, i began to buy the fact that its ok not to have a lover.. thou i find other ppl to b happy wif deir partners, til one point i felt i wanted to feel those euphoria again.. but im glad i have not make my wanting to actions.. its not that im holly enuf not to have an intimate relationship, its uz those things that iv gone through, those very good ppl that iv met, those words and advise that iv heard.. those moments that hv touch my heart.. iv come to a realization that wat is haram is haram and wat is halal is halal.. and that realization or rather hidayah from god, is not given in a short time.. im searching myself.. still and won't be stoping, myself.. and this kind of realization is sth that i hav in my prayers everyday.. for each of the ppl that is near to me, to realize it the way, that i realize it; to see frm the way, my eyes see it and to feel the way like my hearts feels it... allah hu alam..

COMPLICATED LIFE SUPPORT

after a gruelling day of nervous system finals yang tak best.. sbb tak ingt bende sng mcm medullablastoma. shoot. naseb 1 marks.. pening lah. dgn pro exam lagiey. tahniahlah, ashu. nie, dah masuk disaster medicine plak.. cepatnye masa berlalu, ya allah. tak sempat2.. nie, BLS naseb best. penat tuh biaelah kan, ko complaint pon tak guna.. cherish the moment je lah. hehe.. nampak kat movies, mcm sng, org buat CPR, dapat sangkut kat prof asmadi punye station, aduh, ampun lah, tak de skill nak buat hembusan kehidupan.. hampeh betul, bile try buat dpn atiq 1st year, jadik plak. hampagas betul.. tapi xpelah, asal aku tau aku bleh buat, sudah.. alhamdulillah. dummy electrik tuh dengki tol. time org ramai lah tak nak nyala ijau kan aku. ngeh2. nway, sememangnye senang lah pape pon kan, kalo practise and istiqomah.. hehe.. Papehal, ingat ABC jer.. u won't go wrong.. =) A for airway, B for breathing and C for circulation.. agak menarik juga sebab prof gabung sekali BLs basic life support camp nie dgn pre terendak preparation.. gila lah. buat ujian kecergasan sumeh. tapi bagus gak, in d sense of, kenyakinan diri tuh perlu ada.. mcm sit up, i dun think i can do sit up, more than 24 in one minute, tapi mcm agak berterima kasih gak kat dak2 yg bagi tips, -jgn pikir.. buat jer.. dun feel the pain. dun even think about it- which is very2 very the helpful..level aku adalah very god, ok.. sbb dpt buat 44 sit up in one min.. pergh. sounded so the very funny but agak survive di situ.. pastuh ade 7 level of fitness. cis, susah gile, ok. nampak jer senang. survive sampai level before yang angkat batu tuh jer.. sampai kat angkat batu, nak tercabut gyrus aku.. udah2 ler tuh.. ow yeah, teringat pulak si aliah dgn flexible test.. sian tgk muka dia, tak leh buat time practise.. tapi time kena test dgn faci, bleh buat pulak. hehe.. bagus2.. see, boleh buat punyer. tak cube, tak tahu, ok..


jungle trekking malam tuh, mcm agak respect arr abang2 bombe sume tuh..aku rase lah korang org bombe.. tak pon, cadets mane2 lah kan.. bende nie 3rd experience lah jugak, cuma obviously, rase mcm 1st time gak every time.. hehe.. dgn si zue jadik pengiring kat belakang, plus tolong paut2 gak tangan bila terjatuh2 tuh.. thanks lah, mate. ur the best! yg klakar tuh bile dgr bro bombe tuh ckp, ade org ckp, 'boleh tak , tak lalu air nie?' omg. sgt lawak.. laen lah kalo dia ade kat situ pastuh ckp, haa,lompat dalam air tuh.. heh. malam tuh even xlarat2 pon, tidur 2.30 gak, sbb borak2 dgn midah.. hehe.. mcm2 yg kitaorg catch up kan.. xleh lah nak reveal, kang tak tercapai dek akal lah pulak.. haha.. ops~


yg plg best, mesti lah time bls kan.. tak pernah lah terpikir CPR ade macam2.. utk budak2, baby and adult.. penah belajar CPR dalam PBL time respi dulu (nama pon, block prof ikram) inagt lagi, si aliah n nana yg present tapi mcm langsong tak register kat cortex aku ape significance nye CPR in different level of size and age.. so dgn g nye camp nie, alhamdulillah, pengappreciatetan tuh mangken tinggi.. yg plg best, buat kat baby anne. hehe.. name model baby tuh, baby anne kat bag dia..bukan nubla nye baby. hehe. ade 3 station.. first station, kitaorg grup 4 kena dgn doctor ukm agaknye. lupe nama doctor tuh. tapi dia mcm power r, specialist sth, bile dia perkenalkan diri dia.. soft spoken and melayan jer bile dak2 nie tanye soalan mcm2. aku yg tanye soalan bende yg dia dah terang tapi aku tak terdengar pon dia tak marah.. hehe.. nway, first station kitaorg, 1st id kit.. mission 1st aid nie, nak stopkan bleeding and support lah mane2 yg fractured tuh.. 2nd station dn prof nasa.. prof bully , ok.. org buat compression count 1 and 2 and 3.. prof suro buat cepat2.. tapi ok je lah. 100 per minute pon..



sambung lah, sebut name prof nasa mentor ku nieh, terbayang log book tak siap lagi. folio berterabur..
sadis betul..



our days der even for awhile,but i do cherish it..
like this beautiful pink flower that i snap der, in sg merap.. even one day akan layu, but that moment yang it blooms itu, akan aku ingat smpai bile2...

BLS -basic life support session + terendak camp trailer..

DINNER PICSTURES... lalala

steps taken..

"hidup bukan satu pilihan..mati juga bukan satu pilihan..tapi, perjalanan antara hidup dan mati adalah satu pilihan..maka buatlah pilihan yang betul dan tepat"


there are times i wish i could fake a smile or remember how great i was doing the things that i love most.. i need to change in a way that i dun care what people might say.. coz sumtims the pressure of not expecting a nice commment of your great effort can be sumthing hurtful, isn't it.. but der r sum ppl i dun expect for them to appreciate and dey said thank you, nice job and those things that i really find, amusing..

expectation..
how can u expect for love to come when the seed is not even planted.. i can say all the good things in the world, and be a great person.. but sometimes, i think i dun deserve it. things change. we have plans, alright.. allah have plans for us, too. it is Allah's plans that will sure be happening..

i wish i wanna be as sincere i cn be.. its a good lesson this week. slowly, we know, the both sides of the coin.. slowly, everything is unfolding which i find the 'old' me being critical again.. aha, i have my own instict in reading body language, alrite.. and i find its so so unfriendly in a way, everthing seems to b a waste of a time frm sumone's else eyes.. i did let go. i did. because its funny. it is. very funny until i laugh secretly. bcoz if i did not let go, that means, my level is the same the other eyes. oh no, im so not the same. dun let me like dat, allah. dun let me have their eyes of looking things~

smile! YM3 settle dah alhamdulllah~

stop n stare

im not sure, either im right, allah.. but i wish even im wrong, i still can look back and say, iv tried..

der r times, i wish im not alone.. i m not...of course, but i sudn't be greedy dun i? luv won't come if u dun gv it first... luv dn grew like a seed without land, withot water, it'll die.. maybe i wus wrong to stay unattached. to hv no names in particular that i can really say i really knew.. der r times i felt like i wanna run away and kiss gudbye to everthing and everyone who knew me.. but i keep myself waiting.. lets wait.. wait for the day that i'll stop thinking of wut i shud not been thinking.. stop doing wut i shud hv not been doing.. der r times i wish i hv no flaws.. still young and cheerful.. no responsibilities.. nothing.. dey say extraordinary people do extraordinary things.. me? im not even ordinary.. maybe its the planning. i hv no plans at all.. dey say its ok to dream.. to hav plans.. but im too worried that i stop worrying by letting the tme pass.. im glad the ppl around me r der to tag me along.. thou this world, being alone means unefficient. we need help. i need help. its hard to b alone, isn't it.. time pass by , it won't wait.. demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia itu dlm kerugian... allah, forgive me.. forgie me for not being me....

raising fund for HUKM childhood cancer

big week.. big stories.. big ideas..


1. FUND RAISING DINNER YOUNG MERCY DI GRAND SEASON HOTEL.. open for PUBLIC, RM 180.. AGAK EXPENSIVE BUT KALO ADA DUIT TUH, APE LAH SALAHNYE MENDONATE SAMBIL MAKAN KAT HOTEL FOR HUKM CHILD CANCER.. =) kata rasulullah s.a.w , yg memberi itu lebih baik drp menerima.. sape interested, boleh email shashu di 0193702431 0r youngmercy3.2007@gmail.com

its around d corner.. 8 FEB nie.. ahad.. at grand season hotel.. =) marilah beramal..


2. ku sangka panas hingga ke petang rupanya hujan pagi2 lagi... (secret affair get busted.. only dat its tragic to hear frm families.. org ketiga!again! haha.. memori silam tiba2 menyambar pula.. tak pe, eveyone ade strength and weakness masing2.. mana hubungan yg teroboh masjid nye, believe me, there is always hikmah behind apa jua yg terjadi..its for you to gali and ponder.. and never repeat again.. if u have d guts to even classify ur actions as mistakes lah.. heh.. hidup sorang pon ok.. but then wif kids and all pon, i guess ur gonna b just fine.. one day, jodoh panjang, iA ditemukan lagi dgn seorg yg diciptakan utk kita.. yg lebih baik dan lebih hebat.. iA.


3. pisang tandan umah i masuk rumah jiran.. cisss, kalo x amek nie sure mat salleh depan umah nie kebas.. b4 nie, dah 2 kali dah diaorg kebas.. so, dgn parang kontot, ibu dan saye melangkah gagah ke belakang umah, mengclaim hak kami.. haha.. (abah out station.. una dah balik cyber.. maen futsal..go CUCMS! GO BPHARM!) EVEN kalah, semangat wajib ader, ok.. =)


so, cepatlah habes YM nieh.. haha.. peace..



kepada anda2 yg terase seperti anda kurang usaha utk menjadikan dinner YM ini best, (a reminder utk saye juge) marilah bersama2 kita all out di saki baki waktu yang tinggal ini.. cayo2.. =) go YM3!!! make our dinner a one successful dinner.. amin, iA.

belum sempurna?

masa bisa pantas berlalu.
tak mahu berhenti sejenak pon untuk aku yg masih lalai mengenang hari2 lalu yg takkan berubah seperti itu jua.
pantasnya masa pergi, membuatkan aku termenung dan terpinga2.
masih adakah ruang utk aku bangkit dan mengharungi lagi hari ini.

aku mahu perpegang erat dgn teguh.
tanpa ada rasa takut dan serabut.
pada sang tali maha Esa.
aku mahu terbang bebas tapi aku mahu berpijak di bumi yg nyata.

biarlah tanah gersang ini terus gersang atau aku perlu menolak rasa malas itu jauh-jauh ke hujung dunia dan mulai mengatur langkah menyuburkan tanah longlai ini tanpa jemu dan curiga.

seperti sungai mengalir, tak menongkah arus,
hidup ini sudah tercipta dgn sekian macam peraturan Tuhan yg sempurna dan perlu diikuti dgn sabar dan patuh.
patuh bukan bermakna menurut somberono tanpa ilmu.
menurutlah dgn akal yg berfikir dan berfikir.
jawapan itu ada di depan mata.
cuma menunggu kalbu mu diselak oleh sang Pencipta atau terselak dgn arah angin yg kau cari dgn penuh tekun dan tegar. mahukah menunggu dgn penuh rela, wahai hamba yg jarang sekali bersyukur dan berfikir?

kerap kali tangisan kecil mengalir dalam hati.. mengapa aku di sini dan tak berdaya merangkak pun. atau aku tahu aku bisa berlari tapi memilih utk membiarkan diriku lemas dgn sandiwara2 dunia tanpa noktah ini.

masa terus berdetik. waktu2 emas masih lagi dlm genggaman...

satu-persatu, sahabat.

seprti bayi belajar jalan, belajar bercakap.

sabar.
sabar.
sabar.

andai aku tahu..

the silent cry of a palestin jewel

let's see

let's see what have the world decided to laugh upon nowdays..

1) 'drama' realiti abby-norman..ya allah, jauhkanlah dari jadik kat saye dan sesiape sajer yg sy kenal. ameen.

2) obama won the presidential election. welcome to white hse but does dat really matter nway, who won.. wud it b a big difference sape2 pon yg jadik presiden? but im an optimist.. not that better but may not b worst than bush. wud it?

3) reproductive system finale soalan SAQ yg sgt 'best'..

4) pencil box lame aku zip dah tanggal, so beli baru. 12 hinggit. mahal gle.

5) MERCY programme. kat KOTA TINGGI. pergh. penat+ best+ takkan dilupekan, ok..

6) bilik saye telah di renowate kepade bilik semayang jemaah which i manage to tarik aliah smayang sesame di subuh yg hening. hee, jom buat lagik jom.. dari dapat singgit baek dapat 27 hinggit kan.. =)

7) haematology block rather than CNS block sbb Haji to be Prof Nasa akan berangakat menyahut lambaian Kaabah. Prof Nasa, kami doakan Prof slamat pergi dan slamat pulang. Ameen. Doakan kami hidup dan mati dalam Islam, dan juge semua product CUCMS x kire batch dapat grad. jadik manusia bejaye dunia akhirat n insyaallah doctor and pharmacist yg bergune pd agme bangse and negare... Ameen.

god gave me an angel..

aliah musa,thank u so much.. =) im more than grateful..

MORE THAN WORDS..

for the best things in life that aren't gonna come rolling for free

iv got a terrible cough.
a 2 weeks of reflective diary logbook not yet writen even one word pon.
a weekly exm juz finished which i survived dgn jayenyer despite of freezing cold Hall1 yg hanya ALLAH yg paham betape sejuknyer mcm kat iceland.
dis weekend is a damn busy weekend. jumaat aje lah time free, and next week dah 3rd week. i find reproductive, alright sumhow.. bile ishanie tanye, u nak jadik gynae ke nanti (which i tak paham knape dia tanye tapi mayb sbb i wus so into the pregnant woman thing tuh kot) so, it keeps me thinking, frm that moment im wif her in Prof Yong's class, wud i b a gynae? pergh. dgr frm org, mcm hell on earth jer. but im sumone wif instict. im seeing myself in a place that is calm but busy. in a messy place but under control. and im seeing myself as someone who needs to be more truthful to myself. especially when im not efficient and effective. i wish to be a doctor who saves lives. i can't afford to do a mistake. and yesterday, after so long, i think my ending hav become a beginning.. well, its kinda hard to describe wut happened actually but i juz hope that i'll keep on being the more improved me. im glad that finally i realize that life is not suppose to have control on us but we as the khalifah of ALLAH should be controling our life, our NOW time and not been too worried of the future.. insyaallah, im alright, im gonna be alright..

to have an aim is not enough..
u need to hit it..

mayb dats a part of me that hv been missing.. hitting an aim.. doing plans and work on it.. things dat r simple but i juz wanna complicate it without no reasons.. lame! ashu,lame.. ergh!

whatever it is, im glad im here. where i am now.
no matter gud or bad.
im gonna stay. and never gv up.
nothing is perfect,alrite. so wut? i'll move on! i'll move on..

hope

i knoe.. i may not knoe wut is best for me.. but i juz knew wut might be the best for me. i think sth wud be best for me.. depending on my experience, my paradigm, my guts, my instict, my confidence to Allah.. may wut i thot that is best for me is also the best from ALLAH as well..

tq

sy hanya nampak satu saje skarang..
kebahagiaan.
kdg2 otak serabut dgn banyaknya masalah, hutang keliling pinggang, org sekeliling tak mahu paham kita, kita tak dapat apa yg kita inginkan.. kita tak boleh nak sediakan yg terbaik utk family, anak2-adik bradik-keluarga-saudara mara buat hal dan datangkan byk masalah pulak, dan seribu satu mcm lagi perkara yg sy kira, kadang kala tak terjangkau dek akal sejengkal utk mentafsir dan memikirkan..
punyelah byk prob..

dan sy pula semcm mahu mengiyakan kata2 ibu, ORG KEJE NIE SLALU NYE ANAK DIA TERABAI SBB DIA BALIK KEJE, DAH PENAT, KENA BUAT KEJE UMAH LAGI, NAK BUAT ITU, BUAT INI, KEJAR DATELINE.. habes sy? DOCTOR TO BE.. lagi nak berangan buat surgery.. ape2 lah yg mencabar.. and im scared.. will i suffer and let my family suffer? will i cause my family to become tak terurus juz because im working and only TUHAN jer tau betape busynye keje aku..

and u knoe wut?
asal suka sgt bagi alasan..
anak tak terurus sbb...
hutang byk sbb...
assignment mcm nie hampeh sbb...
exam fail sbb...

mmg lah kena ade sbb musabab sth happend. but sum ppl juz hang on to those excuses and langsong tak cermin diri sendri.. kalo yg dah mirror2 on d wall pon, sekadar muhasabah jer.. apa u buat utk baiki keadaan tuh?

hidup nie perjuangan.. kalau kita tak perjuangkan matlamat hidup kita yg berteraskan ALLAH dan rasul sampai kiamatlah org lain pandang rendah kat kita and kita plak defend diri sendri dgn bagi alasan,alasan,alasan..

kakak nie pandai cakap jer, tapi cakap tak serupa bikin..

ingatkan lah aku,wey..

tapi bukan kita perlu tgk apa yg org tuh cakap ke.. bukan siapa yg bercakap..
heh~

allh hu alam..

saya dah tua!

maybe i need sum space so that i'll be able to be more sabar, more qonaah..

sgt perlu bersabar rite now..

sbb i dun get wat i want..well, at least i thought i want it..

xpe, cukuplah aku merasa cukup dgn apa yg ada padaku yg diberi ALLAH kerna dia lebih tahu apa yg terbaik..

p/s: happy birthday, ashu.. welcome to the 21 club! haha..

-rewind-forward-stop-play-

dearest sayer..
how r u today? penat? aha, g rumah encik khair ekh? open house maa. yeah, dah lame tak jumpe keluarga KDBM kn? =) kak ana maken lawar. lepas rindu kat kak ana lah, dapat jumpe dia. dia kan keje kat johor.. lawyers on move. seketika terdgr cerita kajol pasal abg boy yg dh jadik magistreet, geli hati jugak. baru tau yg denda 1000 maksima meand dats d maksimum of d fine, can be lower.. hehe. ade case org curik petai pon ader. pelik betol. and bile mc ckp, aunty tak berubah, mcm tuh jer dari dulu.. (yup, mecky adelah skoolmate kamu di tkc dulu) jadi, i wus wondering of thepast and d future. of wut may have changed me. of wut will i become. and wondering ape pakcik nak amek nanti..xpernah tau and tertanye plak dia nak amek ape.. he looks fine in anything.. (tidak, sayer tidak bias.. hanyer berpendapat begitu sahajer) oh well, penat sgt. tapi makan sedap lah kan. haha. kak mai best kan, dia masak. mee bandung. yum2. mase u nak blah kan kak mai cakap, ala, cepatnyer ashu nak blah dah, tak sempat nak borak2. yup2. sayer slalu terpacul di depan umah kak mai dulu2 dan menyinggah ke dalam, melayan si ismah gediks bersekolah tadika dan berbual2 dgn kak mai, perihal anak2nyer,terutamyer si hakim waktu zaman mentah di SAS,perihal sesak2 perkare2 uia, perihal assingment sayer yg berlambak dan kehidupan.. ow ya, sy juga slalu mengadu pasal lelaki2 tak guna yg singgah dlm hidup sy. kak ana dan kak mai lah yg slalu tadah telinge mendengar. dan sy sbb dh ade dlm umah encik khair, maka dgn bestnye dpat juge makan masakan kak mai dan kak ana dan juge dibawe berjalan2 ke seantero petaling jaya dan sebagainye.. ow ya, sy rindu berbual dgn hakim dan ina.. sebab dibesarkan dlm keluarge debat barangkali, kedua2nyer walau baru umur setaun jagung, kadang2 rase mcm cakap dgn org dewase jugak.. =) encik hakim syg, nanti makcik ashu datang SAS yer.. gudluck PMR! kamu boleh genggam sijil 8A insyaallah.. i'll be praying kyddo..

nie surat 2 hala kah?
entah~

tag by syapiqq

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog

Starting time : 3.50 pm
Name : Shashu
Sisters : xde
Brothers : Shahiran
Shoe size : 7
Height : entah
Where do you live : ampang

Have you ever
Been on a plane : Yes
Swam in the ocean : penah
Fallen asleep at school : hobi
Fell off your chair :jatohkan org penah lah
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : penah
Saved e-mails : of coz
What is your room like : tak terurus
What's right beside you : kertas dan kertas
What is the last thing you ate : air sahur

Ever had
Chicken pox : dah
Sore throat : penah
Stitches : tadika-ganas gile org tolak aku
Broken nose : Nope

Do you
Believe in love at first sight : tidak lagi
Like picnics: malas.. tapi suke

Who was/were the last person
You danced with : meng kot
Last made you smile : una

Today did you
Talk to someone you like : Yes
Kissed anyone : no
Get sick : sesema
Talk to an ex : mesej rayer
Miss someone : pkck
Who do you really hate: myself

Random
Is there a person who is on your mind now : no one
Do you like your hand-writing : kdg2
Are your toe nails painted : pehal
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : no one
What color shirt are you wearing now : dark blue baru beli hehe
Are you a friendly person : for u to judge lahh
Do you have any pets : ade !! ikan emas
Do you sleep with the TV on : nope
What are you doing right now : tules blog ler, post yg ke 200 ok.haha.
Can you handle the truth : insyaallah
Are you closer to your mother or father : Maks
Do you eat healthy : yes
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : deleted, tq. haha.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : ALLAH
Are you loud or quiet most of the time : TGK MOOD
Are you confident : tgk mood..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
- maen2, g tusyen, tgk TV, weyy mane ingt dowh..

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire (in my dreams!)
- tlg org, buat yayasan rubiah(name mak), buat hospital, g haji every year dgn mak abah, sanak saudare sume org lah aku angkut, g slimming spa.. ngeh2..

5 of my bad habits
- cepat marah2, cepAT benci org, cepat suke org, makanx ingt dunia, dan byk lagiey..

5 places I am living in
- ampang je ler..

5 people I tag
- malas..xpayah ler.ekh.

raya kembali..

raya kembali menggamit rinduku pada ramadan yg hilang..
mungkin bisa merasakan sedikit kekesalan tatkala penghulu segala bulan itu melambai pergi dan aku masih lagi alpa dan membiarkan ia pergi tanpa aku berlumba-lumba mencari malam 1000 bulan..
raya kembali menggamit memori indah.. dapat baju baru, kasut baru.. duit raya berkepuk2.. kuih raya, lemang ketupat rendang.. semua ada. mungkin yang tiada, adalah diriku yang jarang sekali dapat merasakn erti sebenar syawal..

dearest ashuu, syawal menjelma, ramadan berundur, berubah lah ke arah yg lebih diredhaiNya. Kita bisa hilang semua yg baru itu sekelip mata namun jauhkan ya tuhan, dari aku kehilanganMu. Kehilangan Allah dari ingatanku..jauhkanlah ya Allah. aku tak mahu!



happy raye, happy gathering sanak saudare, lupekan silap salah, ampunkan mane yg khilaf, jom pose 6!

funny..

its funny how hurt i am when u said sth dat i dun wanna hear..
its funny how i get upset if u dun pass my expectations..

its funny how u well u read my mind..

its funny how angry i am when u turn away..

its funny how careless i am when i wus not even given a 2nd chance in return..

its funny how silly i look when im happy..for no reasons..

its funny how i forgot how important it is to appreciate family..

its funny how stupid i was when i thought a guy can made me happy..

its funny when i told sumone else to spread their wings and dun hesitate. cuz im frozen inside. cold and unreachable..

its funny to listen to sumone else dearly. like he/she is the whole world to u and yet that sumone dosent knoe it..

its funny to carry all dis hopes wif u but the truth is, ur afraid that they'll be gone first thing in the morning..

its funny the way ppl que at ATM and pray that their money will sumhow be multiplied.. i wish i cn live without too much attachment to $$$.. dosent happines lies in ur heart dat is close to ALLAH?

its funny how gud i am to compare how irrelevant sumone cn b with their undefineable actions but sumhow, im complicated too..

dear ALLAH, i knoe im not the best (yet).
but still, pliz dun let me be the WORST.. ameen!

misi: khatam al quran..

status: juz 9 setengah..
misi: lagi 21 juz..

action plan: 200 mukasurat sehari
due: 28, 29, 30..

harapan: mcm xdeharapan je nie.. iksh2..

matahari dalam hati..

its funny how ppl look forward to see sumone else.. well, its not dat funny nway, but i'll still feels dat way. when ur heart juz can't focus and all u see is juz wat u wanna see.. sumtimes its so easy to look down on others. and as well as let ppl down.. i wont let u down sounds i'll let u down nowdays.. frm paklah to our besties.. and no, im not complaining prof.. im reflecting! =) and i juz purposely put it in a form of words yg menunjukkan yg saye ini xde lah mcm seakan2 terlibat same dgn adegan2 drama swasta yg menarek hati. heh~ but then, yeah, i think, iv been making ppl dissapointed..alwez~ iv look down on ppl as well.. and as much as its no gud, its gud in a way dat, when i realized dat its no gud, i turn to ALLAH and says, god, pliz dun let me be like dis.. sume org tak perfect.. y shud i expect they r when im myself not? im having ids trouble nowdays, d feeling of not moving on.. like my feets are glued on the ground and im heavily emotional inside dat i cn explode anytime i want. but then i quit being the negative me. y shud i b negative when there is still hope? when ders sumone dat can light the smile in ur heart? (provokasi gitu..haha.) tapi betol lah kan.. and allah is always der to let u see that this life has a power. and that power dosent necessary means MIGHTY. u cn be TINY and hv a lot of power.. like ur pituitary gland.. ow yeah its tiny, but amanah ALLAH bg kat dia, masyaallah, saya tak mampu nak ucap terima kasih yg mcm mana lagi pada si kecil berkuasa besar ini.. and all of a sudden, u find happiness in the small2 things in life. yg tak perlukan duit sgt pon.. like a smile, a laughter, a walk(to remember), free gifts, kad raye, a heart to heart conversation, a satisfaction of knowing ur doing the right thing.. anything~ as long as u open ur heart as wide as u cud.. mcm jendela. cahaya takkan masuk ke dalam jendela yg tak terbuka.. i believe in dat.. u cant reach to sumone else if u shut urself. as if its so hard to let ppl in and knoe the real u.. wuts to b afraid of? well, the truth is, everyone is afraid.. but if u keep holding on to the fear, when will happiness be knocking on ur door?



matahari dalam hati, keluarlah kamu menyinari duniaku dan insan-insan yg aku sayangi...

juz give me a minute

i cn change my mind u knoe...
im not rigid..
neither a robot.
im human! perfectly created by ALLAH.
im not complaining, ur fine d way u r too..
but cn i juz be left alone sumtimes..

dun bother me lah..
im fine. d way i c it, i juz need a push.
not downhill but against the odds..
if ur dat ignorant also, then fine..

i dun mind either..
i juz wanna b brave. untuk menghadapi suatu yg tak pasti.
and to be brave, shahirah..trust ALLAH. trust in His takdir..
kun fa ya kun..maka jadi, jadilah...

im fine. juz fine~

tolong?

tolong g jogging, tolong ckp pelan2-awak perempuan, tlg buat qiam-xsusah pon, tlg abes blaja:tak nak blaja terjun laut.., tolong senyum slalu walau hati saket-tak susah pon berlakon.. tolong susun kehidupanmu..walau jalan tak bisa dipilih tapi kalau tak ada peta bukan lg susah ke? i need a compass! and tlg shuddup pasal si pendek bleh tak? aku tau r ko bukan robot tapi bleh jer merobotkan diri kan.. ahh, x guna lah semua nie.. y wud u worry? he's fine.. sgt fine! and stop gelak2 mcm xde keje ya. and melembapkan diri.. hello! dh 2nd yr kot.. and kna hentam dgn m.o mcm xde harge diri ke? owh, teradvance.. so? aha, nk behadapan dgn si dungeon master bagaimn? semua bende lupa n tak tau? gila lah.. ko nie pehal nie.. apesal ko mcm nie. mun pon complaint tau. asal ko ske marah2? x leh terima elok2? mcm lah bgs sgt.. argh! x bgs langsong-langsong.. and those faces! well, i knoe. im d black sheep of d family and maks, im sori.. sy lupe. sy hebat.. semua org pon hebat. juz gv up and bodo tak tau lupe diri! haha. der,der.. chins up dowh. ur fine d way u r!

today...

today.. i juz knew u'l wear wat u wear..
today.. i tried not to see u as close as my heart wanted to.
today, i tried to hate u and as usual i forgot at the moment i saw u smile.
today, i assume ur looking at other ppl thou i wus sky hoping ur eyes r on me..
today, i brush u aside frm my deepest hollow. which was cool coz it means im moving on..
today, is a suddenly day. all of the sudden der is a irritating shhhhhh and the window comes down and there i go again.. dearest stereotype value of a one hand no sound.. wake up, big heart.. everything will b juz fine.... =)

papa@syapiqq

papa ku.. selamat hari jadi dan selamat lekas sembuh.. amin!

u say wut?

any doubts?

ergh! wut d? i hav absolutely no doubts ok.. i assume!!!! and dats a biggie difference between the two! sape pedulik either ur der or not or how close i am to u or how much i care? wus it alwez ok for u not to care at the first place pon wusn't it? hello... like im dead without u? im fine, without u.. absolutely. obviuosly!!!

ITS BEEN LONG...

SINCE I TALK TO PILOT.MENG.CHIP.ESOH.NANA.MC.KAJOL.UIA PPL.MIDAH.ZAZU.

SINCE IV BEEN BANNED.

SINCE I HAD AN ICE CREAM

SINCE I WENT TO COLLEGE.

SINCE I EAT KETUPAT.

SINCE I ATE AYM PERCIK.

SINCE I HAD A GREAT LAUGH

SINCE I WENT TO D MOVIES

SINCE I WATCH HOUSE

SINCE I WENT FOR UMRAH..

SINCE I BLK MY EX DRIVER'S KG

SINCE I CALL SUMONE..

SINCE I KNEW WAT I WANTED TO DO..

I LOST MYSELF OUT OF NO WHERE..

storm, go away

brain storm..

in dedication to the any survivors of a disaster make it cancers or heart brake or accidents.. allah always reminded us in a different ways.. live life to the fullest!

allah,ampunkan aku atas kurangnya kekuatan yg aku ada..

u knoe sth that i dun..

i dun wanna knoe y u choose the choice ur determine wif..
ur uncomfortable?
heh. u dun hv to tell me.. i cn tell dat. body lnguage speaks alrite~

rabu bla3

wutever!

dearest pkc

u knoe ur my favourite kan.. and still ur d cakap bende penting je type. which i hv dis love-hate perception of but then, i dun regret nemore, u knoe.. i dun hv dis, y,y, like dat so much dah like imune sudah dgn hoe halimunan u cn be sumhow.. heh. i miss those days lah. when i cn juz be volatile and scream ur name.. and those moments where u watch me eif me unknowing.. dat wus cool. well, at least for me.. sum ppl said, forget u and i said, yeah i shud but its easier said then done u knoe.. how cud i? d moment seeing u is like menang loteri, ok. haha. and when u smile, i felt like the whole world is smiling to me. jeez. yeah, exaggeration but the truth is the truth alrite.. and ur like my super big awesome brother tau. whom i really listen to. whom i hear not because u made me to but because i wanted to. and its alwez easy when ur around.. it alwez does.. i love making fun of u, tau.. heh. coz i felt like it. making faces at u is all neutral. and im so not afraid of those eyes ok! i adore dem.. haha. yeah, wutever. wutever,pkc. wutever~

no more

bye2 dearest. u cant tell the difference, i knoe.. but wuts importnt is d way u look urself. not wut they thot.. serius? naah. i juz wanted to believe that way.. u may hv ur own belives and opinions and u knoe wut, sumhow i dun care nemore.. it alwez been for other ppl.. i wanted to do dis for me! i wanna do it cuz i wanna do it and i dun wanna hesitate doin it juz because u find it weird! daa!!!!

puase already? how fast is dat... hurm. and final is coming.. allah, help!