god gave me an angel..

aliah musa,thank u so much.. =) im more than grateful..

MORE THAN WORDS..

for the best things in life that aren't gonna come rolling for free

iv got a terrible cough.
a 2 weeks of reflective diary logbook not yet writen even one word pon.
a weekly exm juz finished which i survived dgn jayenyer despite of freezing cold Hall1 yg hanya ALLAH yg paham betape sejuknyer mcm kat iceland.
dis weekend is a damn busy weekend. jumaat aje lah time free, and next week dah 3rd week. i find reproductive, alright sumhow.. bile ishanie tanye, u nak jadik gynae ke nanti (which i tak paham knape dia tanye tapi mayb sbb i wus so into the pregnant woman thing tuh kot) so, it keeps me thinking, frm that moment im wif her in Prof Yong's class, wud i b a gynae? pergh. dgr frm org, mcm hell on earth jer. but im sumone wif instict. im seeing myself in a place that is calm but busy. in a messy place but under control. and im seeing myself as someone who needs to be more truthful to myself. especially when im not efficient and effective. i wish to be a doctor who saves lives. i can't afford to do a mistake. and yesterday, after so long, i think my ending hav become a beginning.. well, its kinda hard to describe wut happened actually but i juz hope that i'll keep on being the more improved me. im glad that finally i realize that life is not suppose to have control on us but we as the khalifah of ALLAH should be controling our life, our NOW time and not been too worried of the future.. insyaallah, im alright, im gonna be alright..

to have an aim is not enough..
u need to hit it..

mayb dats a part of me that hv been missing.. hitting an aim.. doing plans and work on it.. things dat r simple but i juz wanna complicate it without no reasons.. lame! ashu,lame.. ergh!

whatever it is, im glad im here. where i am now.
no matter gud or bad.
im gonna stay. and never gv up.
nothing is perfect,alrite. so wut? i'll move on! i'll move on..

hope

i knoe.. i may not knoe wut is best for me.. but i juz knew wut might be the best for me. i think sth wud be best for me.. depending on my experience, my paradigm, my guts, my instict, my confidence to Allah.. may wut i thot that is best for me is also the best from ALLAH as well..

tq

sy hanya nampak satu saje skarang..
kebahagiaan.
kdg2 otak serabut dgn banyaknya masalah, hutang keliling pinggang, org sekeliling tak mahu paham kita, kita tak dapat apa yg kita inginkan.. kita tak boleh nak sediakan yg terbaik utk family, anak2-adik bradik-keluarga-saudara mara buat hal dan datangkan byk masalah pulak, dan seribu satu mcm lagi perkara yg sy kira, kadang kala tak terjangkau dek akal sejengkal utk mentafsir dan memikirkan..
punyelah byk prob..

dan sy pula semcm mahu mengiyakan kata2 ibu, ORG KEJE NIE SLALU NYE ANAK DIA TERABAI SBB DIA BALIK KEJE, DAH PENAT, KENA BUAT KEJE UMAH LAGI, NAK BUAT ITU, BUAT INI, KEJAR DATELINE.. habes sy? DOCTOR TO BE.. lagi nak berangan buat surgery.. ape2 lah yg mencabar.. and im scared.. will i suffer and let my family suffer? will i cause my family to become tak terurus juz because im working and only TUHAN jer tau betape busynye keje aku..

and u knoe wut?
asal suka sgt bagi alasan..
anak tak terurus sbb...
hutang byk sbb...
assignment mcm nie hampeh sbb...
exam fail sbb...

mmg lah kena ade sbb musabab sth happend. but sum ppl juz hang on to those excuses and langsong tak cermin diri sendri.. kalo yg dah mirror2 on d wall pon, sekadar muhasabah jer.. apa u buat utk baiki keadaan tuh?

hidup nie perjuangan.. kalau kita tak perjuangkan matlamat hidup kita yg berteraskan ALLAH dan rasul sampai kiamatlah org lain pandang rendah kat kita and kita plak defend diri sendri dgn bagi alasan,alasan,alasan..

kakak nie pandai cakap jer, tapi cakap tak serupa bikin..

ingatkan lah aku,wey..

tapi bukan kita perlu tgk apa yg org tuh cakap ke.. bukan siapa yg bercakap..
heh~

allh hu alam..

saya dah tua!

maybe i need sum space so that i'll be able to be more sabar, more qonaah..

sgt perlu bersabar rite now..

sbb i dun get wat i want..well, at least i thought i want it..

xpe, cukuplah aku merasa cukup dgn apa yg ada padaku yg diberi ALLAH kerna dia lebih tahu apa yg terbaik..

p/s: happy birthday, ashu.. welcome to the 21 club! haha..

-rewind-forward-stop-play-

dearest sayer..
how r u today? penat? aha, g rumah encik khair ekh? open house maa. yeah, dah lame tak jumpe keluarga KDBM kn? =) kak ana maken lawar. lepas rindu kat kak ana lah, dapat jumpe dia. dia kan keje kat johor.. lawyers on move. seketika terdgr cerita kajol pasal abg boy yg dh jadik magistreet, geli hati jugak. baru tau yg denda 1000 maksima meand dats d maksimum of d fine, can be lower.. hehe. ade case org curik petai pon ader. pelik betol. and bile mc ckp, aunty tak berubah, mcm tuh jer dari dulu.. (yup, mecky adelah skoolmate kamu di tkc dulu) jadi, i wus wondering of thepast and d future. of wut may have changed me. of wut will i become. and wondering ape pakcik nak amek nanti..xpernah tau and tertanye plak dia nak amek ape.. he looks fine in anything.. (tidak, sayer tidak bias.. hanyer berpendapat begitu sahajer) oh well, penat sgt. tapi makan sedap lah kan. haha. kak mai best kan, dia masak. mee bandung. yum2. mase u nak blah kan kak mai cakap, ala, cepatnyer ashu nak blah dah, tak sempat nak borak2. yup2. sayer slalu terpacul di depan umah kak mai dulu2 dan menyinggah ke dalam, melayan si ismah gediks bersekolah tadika dan berbual2 dgn kak mai, perihal anak2nyer,terutamyer si hakim waktu zaman mentah di SAS,perihal sesak2 perkare2 uia, perihal assingment sayer yg berlambak dan kehidupan.. ow ya, sy juga slalu mengadu pasal lelaki2 tak guna yg singgah dlm hidup sy. kak ana dan kak mai lah yg slalu tadah telinge mendengar. dan sy sbb dh ade dlm umah encik khair, maka dgn bestnye dpat juge makan masakan kak mai dan kak ana dan juge dibawe berjalan2 ke seantero petaling jaya dan sebagainye.. ow ya, sy rindu berbual dgn hakim dan ina.. sebab dibesarkan dlm keluarge debat barangkali, kedua2nyer walau baru umur setaun jagung, kadang2 rase mcm cakap dgn org dewase jugak.. =) encik hakim syg, nanti makcik ashu datang SAS yer.. gudluck PMR! kamu boleh genggam sijil 8A insyaallah.. i'll be praying kyddo..

nie surat 2 hala kah?
entah~

tag by syapiqq

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog

Starting time : 3.50 pm
Name : Shashu
Sisters : xde
Brothers : Shahiran
Shoe size : 7
Height : entah
Where do you live : ampang

Have you ever
Been on a plane : Yes
Swam in the ocean : penah
Fallen asleep at school : hobi
Fell off your chair :jatohkan org penah lah
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : penah
Saved e-mails : of coz
What is your room like : tak terurus
What's right beside you : kertas dan kertas
What is the last thing you ate : air sahur

Ever had
Chicken pox : dah
Sore throat : penah
Stitches : tadika-ganas gile org tolak aku
Broken nose : Nope

Do you
Believe in love at first sight : tidak lagi
Like picnics: malas.. tapi suke

Who was/were the last person
You danced with : meng kot
Last made you smile : una

Today did you
Talk to someone you like : Yes
Kissed anyone : no
Get sick : sesema
Talk to an ex : mesej rayer
Miss someone : pkck
Who do you really hate: myself

Random
Is there a person who is on your mind now : no one
Do you like your hand-writing : kdg2
Are your toe nails painted : pehal
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : no one
What color shirt are you wearing now : dark blue baru beli hehe
Are you a friendly person : for u to judge lahh
Do you have any pets : ade !! ikan emas
Do you sleep with the TV on : nope
What are you doing right now : tules blog ler, post yg ke 200 ok.haha.
Can you handle the truth : insyaallah
Are you closer to your mother or father : Maks
Do you eat healthy : yes
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : deleted, tq. haha.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : ALLAH
Are you loud or quiet most of the time : TGK MOOD
Are you confident : tgk mood..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
- maen2, g tusyen, tgk TV, weyy mane ingt dowh..

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire (in my dreams!)
- tlg org, buat yayasan rubiah(name mak), buat hospital, g haji every year dgn mak abah, sanak saudare sume org lah aku angkut, g slimming spa.. ngeh2..

5 of my bad habits
- cepat marah2, cepAT benci org, cepat suke org, makanx ingt dunia, dan byk lagiey..

5 places I am living in
- ampang je ler..

5 people I tag
- malas..xpayah ler.ekh.

raya kembali..

raya kembali menggamit rinduku pada ramadan yg hilang..
mungkin bisa merasakan sedikit kekesalan tatkala penghulu segala bulan itu melambai pergi dan aku masih lagi alpa dan membiarkan ia pergi tanpa aku berlumba-lumba mencari malam 1000 bulan..
raya kembali menggamit memori indah.. dapat baju baru, kasut baru.. duit raya berkepuk2.. kuih raya, lemang ketupat rendang.. semua ada. mungkin yang tiada, adalah diriku yang jarang sekali dapat merasakn erti sebenar syawal..

dearest ashuu, syawal menjelma, ramadan berundur, berubah lah ke arah yg lebih diredhaiNya. Kita bisa hilang semua yg baru itu sekelip mata namun jauhkan ya tuhan, dari aku kehilanganMu. Kehilangan Allah dari ingatanku..jauhkanlah ya Allah. aku tak mahu!



happy raye, happy gathering sanak saudare, lupekan silap salah, ampunkan mane yg khilaf, jom pose 6!