s-o- me t-i- me

sometimes she don't like sometimes.
sometimes she like all the time.
but if its all the time, sometimes...
well, maybe because life is all the time sometimes.
we just need to give time, time.

it had been a stuggle to her.
she tried.
still trying, somtimes.
most of the time, half heartedly living.
she asked herself, what was the purpose of her creation.
she knew it of course.
only sometimes, she hopes that she will all the time remembers it.
remember her purpose of living.
to serve her creator. as best and beyond that she could think she thought she could do.

though as confused she may presented herself, deep down she is all clear and calm
what's outside is actually her inside
though other ppl may seem to think that she is volatile
but as wrong as she may look like
she is comfortable enough to be her own self
much lighter
much easier
because the past has been a mistake
which she is glad that it happened
cause things happened for a reason
and if that reason involves her getting nearer to her creator
she will gladly accept
no pain no gain
she agrees
she nodded
she smile
she is happy
though time and time,
she would sometimes wish sometimes can be all the time
but most of the time, she is steady
maybe not quite slow but almost steady...

moving on
to the next step of life
she could not help to weep and cry
of her spoilt milk
she knew its wrong
but there are time she thinks that its necessary to be sad and malencholy
of somthing that gone wrong
what that is in the past
is already left
and her now seem to be much colourful sometimes
maybe all the time
probably most of the time
and from time to time
she will become a butterfly
she prays for it
and even she could not
well, at least sometimes
dreaming brings no harm, right?
better than all the time complaining
better than most of the time being blank and sad

the better part of life still awaits
she hopes
sometimes
all the time
most of the time

mine

personally she is not a not a fan of whatever artis. and yes, u wont see lists of million songs in her laptop. jauh sekali utk beli object bernama mp3 dan sebagainyer. but she loves to listen to radios only when driving. kira, leh lah update lagu2 semasa generasi skrng agaknya sambil ada suara teman while driving alone. to her, kebanyakan lirik lagu sekarang, x menyentuh betul. harap penulis2 lagu nie lebih kritis lah dlm berkarya. bukan lah nk sanjung barat ke, atau lebih dekat, buka tingkap, nampak jiran seberang, punya lah dia rasa lirik2 mereka bermakna sekali. bukanlah dia nk ckp karya tempatan x best. hurm. agaknya org kita nie lebih fikir kan poket, ikut rentak semasa. tapi kalo nk di ikutkan, bila ada kualiti, org mesti hargai. kalau ada ramai mcm m.nasir mesti best kan. dan ramai lagi lah yg berbakat sebenarnya tapi tak sedar yang lirik yg bermakna lah yg jadi roh pada suatu lagu. irama hanyalah sbg aji-no-moto sahaja.
coming back to taylor swift, maybe because she thinks that the song bring back good memories which saddens her but the way the song is being sing, it does not allow u to be sad for too long. its a hope song to her. a hope that the future husband will take her as who she is, and of course taylor does not have a glimpse of spirituality connecting her to her partner in the song but to her, the sense of strengthening between 2 souls can be increase in a marriage by their strengthening with The All-Mighty. she just feel like smiling upon hearing this cool song. and suprisingly from taylor's. thank you. the song really instill inspiration. the phrase 'u say u will never make my parents mistakes', well, really2 reminded her of the past. of the dark past, maybe. but what had happened in her life of the past is a good thing in the end. InsyaAllah.
her another fav phrase, ...and u took me by suprise, u say i will nvr leave u alone.. u say, i remmber how we felt sitting by the water....
although she knew in reality, she wud try her best, and would fight for not letting this tata tertib (read:coupling) offence happening in her life, but after marriage wud be possible is it. thou for the fact as she is typing away these words, none of a homo sapiens by the genetic of xy crossed her mind, not even barney....
well, at least there is still tomorrow.
we will never know. as for today, she may just wanna smile while hearing to taylor's song entitled mine. without even needing to have any spesific who.

and she is happy.
as long as she fight for the real ones in this unpermanent life.
she would be fine... u too, everyone. hey single ladies, lets prepare ourselves better in terms of being an a awesome wife. (though several years from now seems so far away, isnt it?) hurm.. gear up saje lah! siap siaga, x salah kan. awh.

;from the 2nd person view of herself? hee!;

23

hari ini
sama atau tidak dengan hari yang lain
bukan soalnya
kerna hari ini
hari bertambahnya angka
dan betapa masa berganti begitu deras
perlu teguh dan lebih kukuh
dalam melayari onak duri kehidupan
kadang-kala alpa dan cuai
sahabat pun silih ganti
yang berharga bersinar
yang kelam kesam
walau tinggi mana sayap terbang
lembut tanah tak pernah jauh
deretan kisah-kisah lama kembali
lalu kita menangis dan ketawa sekali
mengenang kenangan
jatuh bangun hari ini dan semalam
harapan bisa terhapus
dan cita-cita bisa padam
kata-kata dilupakan
perbuatan baik tidak dihirau
namun itulah realiti
inilah dunia yang sementara
sementara kita masih bernafas
marilah menghirup kebenaran
dan memperjuangkan harapan
biarlah kalah di sini sekalipun
kerna kita bijaksana
dan tak perlu bijaksini saja

hari ini akan berlalu
dan yang hidup akan hidup
yang mati senyap sepi
yang tinggal, ayuh bangkit
ummah memerlukan kita
walau itu pun mereka tak sedar
hulurkan lah tangan
moga hari ini berakhir dgn tenang
setenang air di kali
membasahi hati dan nurani

ameen ya Rab bal ala min.

pengasih

it was scary. to see the seniors doing their osce. with those strange noises every like 3-5 min. well, the truth is, i feel nothing. na daa. nope!

maybe i am myself exhausted. exhausted of being over sleep or what?

i dun think so. it has been some nightmare these couple of days. with abah not that well, with some unexpected gifts, with the PSY Community Project in old folks home, and in between of speculating of the future... there are also some juniors approaching me for advice. am not sure i am the correct person for them to collect any valid advices but then again, but i gv my best shot nway. dat is why i wud love to one day have a club of my one. secret lah lagi the details. well, i am still fighting with time and all the running thoughts and ideas. maybe all i need to do is to settle down. or maybe to let go. talking of letting go, we went to Pengasih yesterday, all 3 and 7 of us. it was a very eye opening. they used approach name therapeutic community where a survivor will become a mentor to the new ones. am very shock to see the slumber speaker in front of me is a survivor of drug abuse. salute. salute. salute.

kan Allah dah berfirman, Aku tak akan ubah nasib mu melainkan kau mengubahnya sendiri. the change is in your hand.

and today is the day. i am going to put a brave face esok. for role play and poem closing ceremony... deep breath, ashu. deep n very deep, now!

insyaAllah, Allah permudahkan urusan kami. Ameen...

abah

i escape my undang2 class today. sori Dr S. hehe.
padahal i am the one who shud n supposed to be soried. rugi woo tak g class dia. notti old fellow. but then again abah insisted juga so ikut perintah sajorh. mana ada abah kat dunia yg berkata sebegini kpd anak gadisnya:

situasi 1: kak kalo drive, make sure cermat. toksah nk tergesa2. biar lambat sampai kelas. kita bayar apa universiti nieh! (omg. omg. omg...)

situasi 2: boleh tak kak tak payah pg kelas esok? (omg.omg.omg. ana salah dgr ke? but of course due to emergency matters)

situasi 3: kalau anak aku, mmg aku dah tembak dah! (commenting the newspaper headline on social issues..)

dan byk lagi situasi yg mencuit hati...

sekian.
ayah aku yg chomel:) sy syg abah!

Dwikutub

as abel said, we always hv busy wikends.

and yes, true. my wikends are superlybusy with reunion usrah, post case write up penat sbb the thurs+friday was a disaster stay up to finish the write-up and yes, its alwez the strunggling to death routine again. really really hate procastination; reports of so and so (classified), counting questionnaires of old folks GDS(geriatric depression scale) like a mad lady, liqa' with the awesomes, worrying of our future in CU in betweens here and der, attending little playful mammie's bdy in Klang who turn out six years old yesterday plus we found some old albums and it really stir back sweet childhood memories=)
upon being back home sweet home, we watch LIVE Tv3 the wedding of the year, 10.1o.10 Dato M and the sweet Dr H. i felt like marrying anyone after their grand futuristik marriage.
i really adore Dr H big smile on her big day and Dato M relieve, grateful face. =) so perfect! guess who, sapa best buddies Dato M? the adorable Dr F in T. omg omg omg. huhuhu.

i felt exhausted sgt But Happy! Alhamdulillah.

Next week, i will turn up being two and three.
i feel like making a makan-makan in my bersinar-sinar hse for colleagues but dun think dat could be done due to some other plans.
maybe later, can join party with Sue chomel, Ain Finas konon nampak garang and Ishani brilliant sbb diaorg pon October gurls. EXCITED! hee;)


on the other note,
carilah dan gaulkanlah di dalam diri kita, sifat siddiq, amanah, tabligh, & fathonah yang ditunjukkan Nabi junjungan besar kita, s.a.w.
There is no fathonah w/o tabligh. there is no tabligh w/o amanah and there is no amanah w/o siddiq!
jadi, marilah kita bersama menjadi orang yang benar.
Benar pada apa yang ada di hati dan di minda anda. Jangan lain di hati dan lain pula di mulut dan aksi.
Jika kita tak mahu menjadi seorang yang benar kerna risau akan komplikasinya, maka sila lah menjadi orang yang menipu demi kebahagiaan diri anda sendiri.

the truth can be ugly and telling the truth can be a dilemma.
but Rasulullah dah berpesan, berkatalah benar walau PAHIT...
ada beran? :)

u cn do anything u wanted to Do, as long as u are brave enough to face your greatest enemy of all; YOURSELF!

jigsaw

saturday was awesome. Alhamdulilah am still alive, came back one piece and never have felt so cool before.



nway, have been keeping this peice in the draft inbox for quite some time. busy sgt ke? not sure, but where did i went n wut did i do n wut did i hear and wut did i say in the Zailies (wif Paeja) and as well as Bel from Kl to BP and bck again last week mmg is like a journey of life itself i guess. To newly wed A and M, u guys mmg sgt suit for each other.
like a perfect jigsaw puzzle.
ana doakan both dpt terima kurang n lebih diri masing2, ok :) insyaAllah.

i need more trips around malaysia and the globe with old buddies, akhwat and families..

and PSY posting is ending. am sad. very very.
but then again, idup perlu diteruskan.

PERLU! ummah is waiting for u, for dem to be saved.... and b4 u save other ppl, save urself first!

cayo'!