dear, I'm not sure if u could understand dis, but i dun mind if u wanna scold me hard and then hug me and say, u knoe it's not my fault. that i shud have tried harder, that i shud chose other things and not this. U know that it's hard for me too. Just those words, i guess. I just need to cry. to let it out. Selfish is it? I hope not. It's not my intention to make everyone sad. I have a dream, to make a better hospital environment. We don't need more hospitals. We need more people who can tolerate hospital workloads. I really want the hospital to be staff friendly. to be patient friendly. to be islamic. as islam is the way of life. but i know. words are always easier said than done. i can tell u a lot of stuffs and facts and stories but the truth is, there is so little of contribution and action that i am taking part in. i really felt ashame of myself. i felt that wif u scolding me, will ease up my pain and guilt but yes, again the one that i hurt most would be my creator. o Allah, i have fail u greatly. is der a way back home? im home. but i dun feel like home. am trapped wif my weakness and selfishness. o Allah, save me, save the ones that loves me, and the ones that i love. save me from all the things that i think i cud not do. last 2 days, a murabbi said this to us....
Dan sesiapa yang bertaqwa kepada Allah (dengan mengerjakan suruhanNya dan meninggalkanlaranganNya),nescaya akan dijadikan baginya jalan keluar (dari segala perkara yang menyusahkannya).Serta memberinya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak terlintas hatinya. Dan (ingatlah), sesiapa berserah diri bulat-bulat kepada Allah, maka Allah cukupkan baginya (untuk menolong danmenyelamatkannya). Sesungguhnya Allah tetap melakukan segala perkara yang dikehendakiNya. Allah telahpun menentukan kadar dan masa bagi berlakunya tiap-tiap sesuatu.(Ayat 2 & 3 Surah At-Talaq @ ayat seribu dinar.
tak sangka ayat ini begitu menyentuh hati. and i cried without noticing. Allah.. thank you.. it's ifiniti value for me, not only seribu dinar :)
i luv u, Allah.. i do.
p/s: plis Allah, grants the F5 tkc students, be interested towards our coming.. let this pertemuan be a blessed event. ameen. and the rest, terpulang pada kau, ya Allah. segalanya milik kau..
